i had been doing so well. then i got to week 7 and i decided i could eat cake at a party, that i could have something other than just a salad when i went out to dinner with my dad.
and it has just spiraled out of control. but i managed for 7 weeks so i am going to try to start over tomorrow. not over tomorrow - i will start tonight. it is just so hard. i am failing in school and i feel like such a huge failure and i got a pay cut at work so the job anxiety is just hanging over my head. and i just feel like i am not going anywhere in life. i am beginning to feel so overwhelmed and hopeless. today was the worst. it was a true binge. it started with me eating some candy mom left out in a bowl. it is not even 7 in the morning. then going to starbucks and getting a scone after i already ate cereal for breakfast. then i skipped lunch because i had 2 breakfasts. then after class i went to my favorite frozen yogurt place. that would have been okay. but then i came home and all the anxiety etc. was too much. so i had brownies, more candy, pumpkin bread. now i feel so sick and i am not going to purge but i took laxatives so i am sure i will feel sicker later. =( i just want to cry. I Must start over tonight. i have to just move on. if anyone could encourage me i would really appreciate it. i am FAILING IN EVERY AREA. =(
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