Bulimia Face

Espiritual's picture

I have been bulimia free for four days! This is the MOST consecutive days I have had in years- possibly even a decade. My goal was to have fifteen consecutive, and I have had seven good days out of 11 days.

What I have learned:

1. That I have extremely bad anxiety that manifests into being self absorbed and obsessed wth my body and food.

2. That I can not trust myself. I must set limits and allow myself crazy in my own skin, and not give in to insatiable cravings.

3. I have to weigh everything I eat- it brings me comfort to know i will not gain weight when i do the math.

4. That I suffer from extreme depression and OCD, and I am aware that I am a very irrational person when t comes to myself.

5. I may benefit from gong back on the Prozac (was on it for ten years and bulimia was less severe, as well as the depression and obsessiveness).

6. I am terrified of going back on Prozac. I feel like if i get on it, I will stop caring about my appearance and loose it (or rather gain the weight that I fought to shove off).

7. That I must find purpose in my life and feel worthwhile. I have to be better at something rather than staying thin.

8. That I benefit from going to church (i am not religious), because it helps me find peace of mind and gives me guidance to live righteously through the week and live the way "GOD"
would want me to live.

9. That it takes about four days for the bulimia face to go away. THe glads are still a bit swollen, but im hoping they will be down complelty by the time my honey comes on Thursday.

3 comments

Espiritual
Espiritual's picture
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Joined: 26 May 2009
i lied- my glands are still

i lied- my glands are still pretty swollen, but my face looks less round and puffy.

Jack-Jack
Jack-Jack's picture
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Joined: 4 Mar 2010
Well done!! Sounds like

Well done!!
Sounds like you're achieving a lot.
I know it's hard and you'll have heard it before, but try not to be too hard on yourself..
Being too strict is what leads to bingeing, so don't worry if you eat a little more than usual one day or whatever.
It all balances out in the end.
I hope your success continues though!
JJ xxxxx

Espiritual
Espiritual's picture
Offline
Joined: 26 May 2009
thanks for saying that.

thanks for saying that. actually just ate a bunch (well not too much0 but i didn;t weigh t out) and I am feeling pretty guilty- the second time I have felt guilty today over food. But I want this success so bad, i think im gonna get my i pod out and go for a long walk and THINK and FEEL- hopefully that will get this heaviness off my shoulders.

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