I have been bulimia free for four days! This is the MOST consecutive days I have had in years- possibly even a decade. My goal was to have fifteen consecutive, and I have had seven good days out of 11 days.
What I have learned:
1. That I have extremely bad anxiety that manifests into being self absorbed and obsessed wth my body and food.
2. That I can not trust myself. I must set limits and allow myself crazy in my own skin, and not give in to insatiable cravings.
3. I have to weigh everything I eat- it brings me comfort to know i will not gain weight when i do the math.
4. That I suffer from extreme depression and OCD, and I am aware that I am a very irrational person when t comes to myself.
5. I may benefit from gong back on the Prozac (was on it for ten years and bulimia was less severe, as well as the depression and obsessiveness).
6. I am terrified of going back on Prozac. I feel like if i get on it, I will stop caring about my appearance and loose it (or rather gain the weight that I fought to shove off).
7. That I must find purpose in my life and feel worthwhile. I have to be better at something rather than staying thin.
8. That I benefit from going to church (i am not religious), because it helps me find peace of mind and gives me guidance to live righteously through the week and live the way "GOD"
would want me to live.
9. That it takes about four days for the bulimia face to go away. THe glads are still a bit swollen, but im hoping they will be down complelty by the time my honey comes on Thursday.
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