CS_Summer84's blog

A Secret "Friend"

CS_Summer84's picture

I've a secret. There is this 'friend' of mine who helps me to attain that slim figure while allowing me to eat all that I wish to!

That had seem like an ideal promise when it all first started 9 years ago.

There was a sense of insecurity then within me - that I wasn't good enough as those around me were ace-ing their exams while maintaining a high level of activity in sports/clubs, etc. Boys didn't like me then; I was too tall for an Asia, too bulky instead of that waify skinny popular girl. I loved my tea breaks, fast food and egg tarts a tad too much to be popular. I was that tomboyish girl who looks like a goody two shoe who turned waywards when nobody cared two hoots about her when her parents were going through a difficult period.

Perhaps there was too much self pity, self victimization - too much thoughts that made me think that the world should revolves around me! It owed me that for having to go through sexual abuse when I was 6 yrs old. It owed me that for having to grow up in an abnormal state of mind, parents who don't love each other and for letting the financial crisis hit my family.

However the world didn't give two hoots either about what I thought.

And so. The thoughts started that there was something seriously wrong with me. That it was my existence that was to be questioned instead of others'.

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