i haven't felt this down in such a long time. i feel like such a huge failure. i know this is in the eating disorder's eyes, but it doesn't change how i feel. i just want to curl up and hide. i went of my meal plan while at my grandma's house the last 3 days and now i just feel like shit. i ate more than i have been eating and i hate that i let go of my healthy plan. i had urges to binge and purge which terrify me since i have done well for the last two months. i hate that i have gained weight, that i am bloated, that i feel like i have to make up for what i've done. i feel weighed down and heavy physically, emotionally, mentally. i am worried that i will feel like this tomorrow. i want to have a fun day tomorrow with my family on easter and be celebrating my risen Savior- not worrying about my body and how it isn't where i'd like it to be. ugh. i am so hating myself right now. =(
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