i think i might need professional help
ok, well first of all, i had my first b/p free day this weekend in ages! friday. it was so nice. actually, i was binge free for 2 days. but saturday i purged. just purged. because of 2 stupid oreos. it was ridiculous. and tonight, i b/p. for absolutely no reason. it kills me. no reason! no triggers, great day, i wasn't feeling hungry at all, already knew there was like nothing to eat in the apartment, wasn't even anticipating it. and then a little bit before everyone went to bed, i got a horrid urge and just went with it. i didn't even know why i was doing it. wasn't even food i really like! and i'm wondering what the hell is wrong with me!!!!!! and my glands are so swollen now. and lately purging has been really hard so i freak out. and i'm so tired and sore. and i just want to eat like a normal person!! and i just want to fight this. i'm almost 5 months in now, and i'm really starting to freak out. i know damage is already being done, and i don't want more!! i don't want this to go on for a year, much less 20! but i just don't know how to fight it.
so i'm thinking of getting help from outside. telling a friend wasn't enough. i need someone who can actually help me, who knows what they are doing. but i don't know what to do or where to start. like, do i find a counselor or a psychologist? i mean, what kind of person helps with this? how do i find places? and how much does it cost? because i seriously don't have a lot of money and i don't even know if i could afford it :(.
i also wanted to know if anyone had any books they could recommend? like eating plan, or recovery type books? or a workbook or something? i just need something to follow. me waking up everyday and telling myself that "today is going to be a good day" just isn't enough.
i want to take action. i need to take action. one day clean is good. but it's not enough. i want this to end before it takes over years of my life. 5 months had already seemed like an eternity.
so if anyone has any suggestions, that would be so appreciated. thanks so much girls! i don't know what i would do if i hadn't found this site and all of you. you are all amazing, unique, beautiful, and talented people. we have so much to do, so much to give, we are worth so much, and have such an awesome life to live. we will take our lives back!
lots of love,
lexi
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If your structured eating plan is too low in calories and nutrition then binging is likely to occur. Normal serving size of any food, including trigger foods will not cause weight gain.
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Slten2 Time to try and sleep! Night all and have a great day to everyone in a different time zone!! 4 min ago |
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Slten2 » Tiddles665 Yup you know what you should do! Just have a light lunch if really not hungry. 14 min ago |
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Tiddles665 » Slten2 Only problem is, I don't feel hungry :/ but I know i should get something, Urgh 17 min ago |
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Slten2 » Tiddles665 Yes you should definatley have lunch! You need to fuel that body. X 19 min ago |
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Tiddles665 Should I get lunch or not =/ Umm i hate this part 21 min ago |
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I have those same problems! Where is like, Im not hungry, I dont really even have to but i feel like i have to b/p at the same time!?? And since i have all the goodies hidden from me I too binge on stuff that i really dont find that appealing, ughhh frustrating!
Outside help is so effective!
You should first tell your regular doctor, she/ he can recommend someone for you that will fit into your budget, or someone, if u have insurance, that is covered under it. I dont know any of the costs cause my mother deals with the bills and our insurance covers most. I just recently bought a book called, Dying to be thin, it really makes you think about the whole deal, it really a good book so far. I got it a barns and noble. They have a whole section of books for you! Just find the addictions section of books and there should be a whole row
Hope this Helps! xoxo
thanks so much for reading my blog and commenting! it means a lot. and thanks for all the advice, maybe i can check with my doctor when i get home in about a week. God knows i need to find something. and thanks for the book suggestion! i will definitely check that one out. and look for others too. surprisingly, it has never entered my mind to go look for books on this. it's so easy to fall into the trap of being completely alone in this battle i guess. thanks so much for the help girl!!
<3
lexi
"Once you have mastered the art of constructive failure, success will be a deep appreciation of all you have learned."
Anytime! Im always here to help you out with whatever you need, Hope everything goes well, keep me updated! If you need anything please dont hesitate to message me!
thanks! i will for sure. <3
"Once you have mastered the art of constructive failure, success will be a deep appreciation of all you have learned."