My name is Ruby and this is my first blog.
The only things my mother could get me to eat until the age of 5 were carrots and white bread. No one knows why, but it seemed I was born with an irrational fear of food. Mum tells me I used to spit out baby food on her face when she tried to feed me in the high chair. Anyway as far back as I can remember, my eating habbits have been STRANGE, to put it nicely.
For a long while I was so confused as to why I was Bulimic. 'How could it possibly be me?' I thought. I actually like the way I look, my upbringing was normal, my parents are loving, i've always had friends etc. 'This must be total vanity. I'm selfish, irrational and obsessed with myself. I must be doing this to seek attention'. Because I wasn't fat and my life was seemingly normal, I thought these had to be the reasons. Until I started to reflect a little more deeply on my past and things, possible causes started to add up one after another.... the list grew and grew and grew and I realised I should stop hating myself and feeling ashamed for this vicious behavior I was inflicting upon myself.
It's interesting that my eating disorder (although still very present) has been the thing that taught me to love and accept myself. I began to understand that this is an addiction that I fell into because of my environment and genetics. I could not have done anything differently or better to have avoided it. There are a lot of things that contribute to the birth of an eating disorder, it's of course different for everyone, but I don't believe it is ever as simple as dieting gone wrong. There are always so many factors involved and as I unearthed each of my own I saw that bulimia is simply a symptom in itself.
Still I'm so frustrated with myself. And it's time for change, and I am going to delete this horrible 'symptom' out of my life. I want to live and love and succeed and create a light positive energy, instead of plunging deeper into darkness.
I am so happy to be a part of this website and I can't wait to share and learn.
This inspirational course will teach you the fundamentals of recovery and guide you towards taking your first step.
Back in 2006 Ali Kerr confessed to her husband Richard that she suffered from bulimia. Unfortunately inpatient treatment was too expensive and therapy proved ineffective.
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