Just the Kick in the Pants I needed today
Thank you all so much! I simply could not do this without you guys.
I have had the worst day since day 1, 3 weeks(and still counting) ago. I have slipped back into being over-restrictive with my food over the past 3 days, no particular reason, maybe a little stress, but have coped without incident. Today has been the worst ...
Breakfast: The cereal in the cupboard didn't appeal, so I went to the supermarket ... nothing there either ... next supermarket ... again, nothing! I know I'm restricting, but determined to not let this turn into a b/p and ruin my good streak, I made a decision ...
I will make my own healthy toasted muesli, without all the crap that is stopping me from being ok with the ones in the store ... GREAT!
So, I bought all the stuff that would make the most fantastic toasted muesli ever ... took it home and got to work (literally work, Chef 24/7).
1 hour later I sat down to breakfast ... brunch at this time, delicious! Success.
2 hours later: restrictive thoughts have snuck back into my head and wont allow me to make a healthy decision for a snack ...
another 2 hours later: have convinced myself I'm not hungry and therefore shouldn't eat ...
3 hours later: think I want some muesli, safe food, but not at this time of day (screams the restriction-bug that is sucking on the healhty part of my brain), convinced again that I'm not hungry ...
2 hours later: reading the blog:
"Yet another post that could have been written by me..."
August 17, 2009 - 8:27pm — unleash_my_potential
..."I realised that I won't put on weight by eating 'normally' - I will become what I am supposed to be.
... I have started to become that real healthy chick ;)
And soon I wont feel guilty they think I'm healthy because I will be!"
... It was just the kick in the pants I need today to get myself out of this slump.
I stood up, walked calmly to the kitchen, flung open the pantry doors and screamed:
"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS! IT'S MY MUESLI AND I WILL EAT IT! I AM HEALTHY! I WILL RECOVER!"
Grabbed the jar, and poured out a healthy portion, got the soy milk ( which I also had a yell at in the fridge), sat down and ate carefully
... I feel fantastic! That was what I wanted and what I needed!
Thank you guys so much! Just reading the logs and comments is often enough to re-focus me on my goals and the support I have in you guys and kick my pants back onto the right track.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
XXX
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You have no idea how happy you have made me. I have had so many moments like that where reading something on this site has inspired me to be stronger but knowing that I am also helping someone in the process is so much more powerful!
You have helped me enormously by sharing this with us. I love your honesty and your visuals. I love that you yelled at your food and that you know you can get better!
Thank you. Thank you more than I can say - I was struggling tonight, reading this has set me back on track :)
Please stay strong, please look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are worth it. It may take some time to believe it, but please keep trying xxx
~~~and so she would sing~~~
it sounds like you showed that muesli whose boss ;). seriously, it's such a positive step that you made a decision for yourself to be healthy and followed through, despite the seemingly powerful and overbearing voice of the eating disorder which wants only to participate in self destruction. everytime you go against this voice and choose life instead, it's power weakens and your recovery becomes a little more engrained. congratulations on your small but noteworthy victory - it's great to hear xx
"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my god do you learn"
The mental image of you screaming at the food is awesome. I know it was tough. Way to go!
don't waste a day