LML89's blog

Insatiable hunger

LML89's picture

Hey guys I was just wondering if anyone else shares the same problem...

So I can go a few days without binging (I no longer purge as I'm sick of it...excuse the pun) but then some days I would get, not what I describe as an urge to binge necessarily (though it probably is that) but an insatiable hunger, which some days just persists until I literally stuff myself silly. I can't focus on anything else until I've eaten enough either!

Is this just part of the recovery? I've gained a bit of weight because of not purging but to be honest I'm trying to drum it into myself that I'd much rather be a healthy weight and happy than skinny, bulimic and down-right miserable...and for what? smaller jeans? God this illness is such a twat. Like the school bully you want to karate chop in the face.

Rant over :)

We can all beat this!! xxx

Recovery

LML89's picture

I have managed to stop purging (vomiting) but find I'm still binging and have an insatiable appetite which scares me a little...the whole gaining weight thing is inevitable if this continues, how does everyone else feel about this? xx

Rollercoaster

LML89's picture

So I've been living with bulimia for nearly a year now and right now feels like a massive rollercoaster. There are some days where I think screw you ED, I'm getting my life back and so eat well - perhaps even indulge a little without feeling guilty (ok without feeling the level of guilt after a b/p episode) but then the next day I'll look in the mirror and think skinny is the key to happiness and go on the crazy self starve/over exercise spree, spend the day in a FOUL mood because my body hates me and then binge anyway because my body is crying out for help! It's such a stupid, self-obsessed cycle and (excuse the pun) I'm totally sick of it! Does anyone else feel at the end of their tether with the whole thing? I've told myself to grow some balls, deal with the inevitable weight gain and get on with it but some days it feels impossible...I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else feels REALLY ready to make peace with food and learn to enjoy and indulge in it like every other normal person?

I hate the media and society for making people deem their self-worth on how much they weigh. Unfortunately we can't all afford personal trainers three times a week and to hire a chef to do the hard work for us so to all those magazines and newspapers here's a big up yours!!!

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