So The last two weeks have been HELL. I fell hard back into my old behaviors. It terrifies me. But now that my mom is aware of my struggles, i think things will be better. i feel supported on one hand, but on the other it is a little frustrating. a conversation this morning with her had me in tears. I have put on 10 pounds. i feel like such a failure. But i am determined to go back to my structured eating plan and to get over this. It is so hard though. i have felt so alone because my therapist has cancer. she is on the mend, and asked me if she could pray for me specifically and support me. i don't want to tell her i am not doing well. =(
i am turning 24 in less than a month and by my birthday i want to be okay with a pool party. i want to be okay with everything. i called to make a dr. appointment to check my health out. i have been feeling so terrible. i think i hit rock bottom when i called in sick to work the other day. i told them i was throwing up. i certainly was but it wasn't the flu. I must get back to being reliable. i can't hide in my room anymore. i must snap out of this. i have to get better. i am done wasting my life. this eating disorder has been a struggle since i was 9 years old. i hate this. i am in need of support and i so appreciate this community.
This is it. i will get well. wish me luck. Thank you everyone for being here.
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