I just finished a week long program with my girls. I volunteered in one class and each of the girls were in another class of their own at a vacation bible school. One of the kindergarteners in my group was the sweetest little girl ever. She sat and laid in my lap and had me take a picture of her hanging on these bars outside and then one of us together. Tonight, after the final night of VBS at home trying to go to sleep, I started really missing her. I am sick with a cold or something, not sure what but trying to get over it and I feel a little sad about the ending of such a good program. I miss this girl, too, like it breaks my heart that she may move or something and not be back at the vbs next year when I hope to go back. How can you love someone so much and then just not see them anymore?
So, I don't know if I was just feeling sick, and sad, but I looked at the picture of us and couldn't stand how I looked in it. I detested my looks more then ever. I know I have been doing better with recovering, and I have gained weight, and it hurts. I just can't stop, because I have too many reasons to keep trying to stay healthy.
I will admit I have had these thoughts lately. How could I get this under control again, and lose more weight faster? I can't, because all I can think of are ED related cures, and that could end up killing me or hurting me a lot one day. I'll think maybe I can cut back on stuff that is keeping me from my ED,.. then I tell myself why I can't do that either. No, I have to keep eating with my girls before they catch on. My youngest daughter has a pretty high IQ and understands things in ways that are amazing, and kind of scary. t's bad enough that kids pick up on stuff too easily as it is, I can't hurt myself and expose my kids to it anymore. This isn't enough to not make me miserable, but is enough to help keep me going in the right direction. I once considered stopping donating my plasma so I can get unhealthy again. I have to put the people that benefit from it ahead of me here in order to not take a break and let myself get real sick again. This isn't easy, and it does suck sometimes. Right now it's hard to see any benefits from all the work I have been doing to become healthier and more stabilized. All I can say is I know that if I keep working at it there may be a day where I will finally only see the good of recovering, and that alone is worth it. I think time will tell
This inspirational course will teach you the fundamentals of recovery and guide you towards taking your first step.
Back in 2006 Ali Kerr confessed to her husband Richard that she suffered from bulimia. Unfortunately inpatient treatment was too expensive and therapy proved ineffective.
Out of desperation they began researching and questioning everything they knew about bulimia.
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