i wrote a blog post earlier today trying to fight the urge to bp when i was supposed to go to a yoga workshop. anways what ended up happening after i wrote that blog i called on of my friends who was going to go with me and i told her i didnt think i was going to go (at the point i had given in to ed) she asked why and i started crying. then i said i would go. on my way there i stoped at the market to get some cough drops (getting over a cough) and i broke down again in the market. i called my friend crying and she decided to meet me at the marktet. we decided not to do the practice ( i am bumbed because i would have loved to see my teacher and practice nad be part of the community but at the time it felt like to much) instead she treated me to a really fun day. we got mani's and pedi's we went tanning, we drove up the canyon and looked at the beauty of nature, we went shoping for a nose ring for her, we got a salad, and later we had thai food for dinner. It was a really busy day. She kept telling me she thought i was pregnet becuase hse has noticed that lately I have been having mood swings, and i get really sad and hopeless. I ended up telling her i have an eating disorder and i am trying to recover. she as so nice about it and asked how she vould help. she is the first person i have told face to face beside my dad and husband.
i tihnk it is one thing to go a day with out bping if you dont really really have a urge. but it is sooo hard to go a day with out bping when ed is telling you to do it. i am so proud of myself
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