ahh. i woke up feeling so stronge. i have a pln of a yoga workshop, food with friends after, and then hanging out with my husband maybe going to a party later. I had a high protien + veggie juice shake this morning. and I am getting closer to the workshop but now i am feeling like i dont want to even go to yoga i just want to bp. Or maybe I can bp before the workshop. To stop myself I am writing this blog.
reasons i shouldnt bp:
i dont want to bp before yoga because my eyes and face will be puffy and i dont want to go to yoga and tihnk that everyone can tell what i was doing.
i dont want to have my head down the toliet with those automatic tears running down my checks.
i want to be able to tell my husband when he gets home that i didnt bp
i want to sit in yoga class and be proud and happy that i didnt bp already today
i want to be part of the yoga community, if i dont go everyone would talk
i invited like 5 friends and they are all going if i bail they will all be dissapointed
if i dont go after the workshop is over not only wull i regret bping but i would regret missing the workshop
i am tierd of being dissapointed in myself and crying. i would rather sit with this uncomfortable anxiety then cry and think i am a failiur.
i have been putting so many X's on my bulimia tracking calander, i want to put a !
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