In therapy I mentioned how I am having the girls go and stay with their Dad and his parents for his week vacation from work in a few weeks. This plan began because I wanted a break. Not just from every day stuff, and taking care of the girls, but I want to not have any appointments, not donate plasma, not have any obligations for this one week for a change, but the secret was that I want to be free to take a real break from recovering, also.
It's not much of a secret because I have attempted this in the past and my therapist remembered. She said that I tend to not take good care of myself when I do that, and when I have time to myself like that. Sometimes I feel so alone I can't believe that she even catches on to my ED. I am grateful for her, and yet now that I brought it up we were talking about compromising on it a little. I even offered to maybe make it for like half of the week, she suggested maybe even just a few days. I told her I didn't want any appointments, but then I lied and said except the important ones,.. but in my head I was thinking I don't want even one thing to have to do that week. I don't get many chances to take breaks, and try to whenever I get the chance.
I am not even sure what I would do with 7 whole days and nights to myself. I know I wouldn't want to leave my apartment for any reason, except maybe to go to the pool. I think I would try to restrict but as long as there is food in the apartment I will eat, and if I restrict it'll just make me binge and I know it. It's been pretty obvious to me now for a while.
Today I ate a protein bar before I went to donate plasma, and totally forgot to eat any breakfast. Seriously forgot, I just remembered now. I ate a small lunch after, and that was around 1 in the afternoon. I cleaned my house like crazy during the night and started feeling so hungry that it wasn't funny. I thought I was just cranky because I was so tired from doing so much but it was me being really hungry. I thought about how I ate today and realized that I kind of was asking for it. I don't think I did it on purpose in any way but because I didn't eat enough, now I am soooo hungry. I guess I am still just not used to prioritizing food enough, even when I am trying to recover :( Part of living with an ED for so long, I guess.
I have been having trouble with seeing my weight when I go to the center to donate plasma. I peer over the counter to look, and today I just didn't-couldn't do it anymore. Rachel said she didn't know anyone in recovery who still looked at their weight. I realized how much trouble I go to to do just that when she said that, and yeah, if I know that no matter what the number was it was going to maybe hurt me, why look?
I am going to get back on it tomorow. I do still want that week, but I think it would be amazing if I could have and enjoy the week and be really be by myself,... without my ED.
This inspirational course will teach you the fundamentals of recovery and guide you towards taking your first step.
Back in 2006 Ali Kerr confessed to her husband Richard that she suffered from bulimia. Unfortunately inpatient treatment was too expensive and therapy proved ineffective.
Out of desperation they began researching and questioning everything they knew about bulimia.
From their research they pioneered a straight forward methodology that allowed Ali to make a full and rapid recovery. This knowledge became the foundation of the Bulimia Help Method recovery program.
The program is now recommended by experts, doctors and eating disorder charities around the world and is the webs largest bulimia recovery program
The information provided in this website is for information purposes only. The information on this website is NOT a substitute for proper diagnosis, treatment or the provision of advice by an appropriate health professional. Please refer to the full disclaimer and copyright. If you do think you might suffer from an eating disorder, it is important that you talk to your General Practitioner, as there are many physical complications that can arise from being at an unhealthily low weight or from losing weight very quickly, or from purging. We advise you to seek professional help with working on an eating disorder.
Copyright © BulimiaHelp.org. 2008. All rights reserved.