I’m reading a book called “Wasted: A memoia of anorexia and bulimia” by Marya Hotnbacher. I love it. I don’t know if it is even that good of a book, but I can relate to SO much of what she is talking about… I cried when I read the first few pages because it was so dead on. Ya know? Anyways I wanted to put in a few quotes from her book:
“I have an eating disorder, no question about it. It and I live in an uncomfortable state of mutual antagonism. That is, to me, a far better cry than once upon a time, when it and I shared a bed, a brain, a body, when my sense of worth was entirly on my contengient to starve. A strange equation, and an altogether too-common belief: One’s worth is exponentially increased with one’s incremental disappearance.”
“I had to say: I will eat what I want and look as I please and laugh as loud as I like and use the wrong fork and lick my knife. I had to learn strange and delicious lessons, lessons too few women learn: to love the thump of my step, the implication of weight and presence and taking of space, to love my body’s rebellious hunger’s, responses to touch, to understand myself as more than a brain attached to a bundle of bones”
“I would not wish the bitter aftermath – the stage we can never forsee when we’re sick, the damaged body, the constant temptation, the realizations of how we have failed to become ourselves, how afraid we were and are, and how we must start over from scratch – no matter how great that fear – on anyone. I don’t think people realize, when they’re getting started on an eating disorder or even when they’re in the grip of one, that is not something you just “get over”. For the vast majority of eating-disordered people, it is somehting that will haunt you for the rest of your life. You may change your behavior, change your beliefs about yourself and your body, give up that particular way of coping in the world. You may learn, as I have, that would would rather be a human than a human’s thin shell. You may get well. But you never forget.”
I liked these, because I could either relate to them, or they somehow give me a lil motivation. I donno. I’m hoping that today will be a better day. I’ll be busy, and hopefully less tempted. I just need to focus on “staying present”… I guess.
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