Bulimia Help

i tend to binge more at night .tonite half way through a binge i stopped myself and throw away the food,something i dont normally do,this signals to me that the binge/purge cycle is nearing to its end,.because ive gained control again.i tend to restrict and then binge and purge.a friend of mine who is a dietician said kath when you restrict food eventually for too long your body starts to panic because its not getting the right calories,so your bodys defense system kicks in .your body needs certain foods and will get it,when you binge that isnt the eating disorder its self thats your body and you dont have any control over that.its after the binge when you feel guilty and vomit.that is the eating disorder.
doesnt really explain why anorexics dont binge and purge because surely they have a body defense system as well
also when i was anorexic dont get me wrong i felt hunger but was ignorable,with bulimia the hunger seems 100 times more powerful

today i woke up and said the usual thing,i wont binge i will gain control.i was doing really well all day then at work they brought out loads of cakes,biscuits and doughnuts.i told myself ok only one.treat yourself for restricting all day but one turned quickly into another one.before i knew it i had near enough eaten it all.of course i dont make it obvious that i had eaten the food,i actually hate eating in front of others,i tend to sneak food and hide it where i can eat it safely without fear of being judged.this is totally different from when i was in my anorexia stage where id hide food in order not to eat it rather then eat it.weighed myself today ive gained weight again.ive heard of anorexics that turn bulimic but never visa versa.i went for a run earlier it took my mind of food and so i didnt binge,which i am happy about.i am determined to stop this binging.its gettin well out of control.took me ages to lose weight and now i am regaining it.i am afraid that this weight gain will rekick start the anorexia

Alright. For about two solid months, I was doing really good. I was eating "normally" (as possible) and I had actually lost some weight. Now, I feel like I'm back to square one. I purged for the first time, in three months, and I'm having binge episodes. I'm not talking about minor over eating either... I mean FULL out binges, wasting money and time on eating until I feel nauseous.

I'm just so sick of it. I thought things were getting better and now I've gained my weight back and I am back where I started. I feel like SO much of my time and energy is focused around food, my weight, and exercising but I'm not making any improvements.

Exercise is another problem. I'm addicted to both, food and exercise. I over exercise and then I over eat. I almost feel like my exercising contributes to my binges and stress. Has anyone else encountered this problem? I don't know if I need to cut out my exercise or maybe lower the intensity?! I don't know. I just want to cry right now. I'm so mad and I don't really like myself.

Here I am in the kitchen listening to the sweet sound of my children play. All I want to do is stuff food in my mouth and experience the taste and momentary high. Why, oh why. I have so much. Wonderful husband, precious children, whom I get to stay home with. Why do I keep turning to this? So sick of losing control and feeling miserable after a binge. So sick of the pain of laxatives and workouts that never end. I know I can have victory, it's just so hard. Moment by moment I need to decide to fight back. I want to be free of bulimia. I want to be free of the idol I have made of my weight.

Before I had quit going to a counselor because it became too expensive she told me really interesting fact, coming from a recovered bulimic. She said when you are not restricting and you are in a binging episode, most bulimics abuse alcohol.

This I an relate too because I can think of many a times when I was on the binging stage I was completely wasted right after a b/p. I was also sleeping around with pretty much anyone I can get my hands onto.

Does anyone else relate to this????

Hey all, I had quite the terrible day, ED-wise... basically one binge/purge after another, on my first day of recovery too :( I think I may have psyched myself out, building all this anticipation and expectation for the day because it was my "first" day on the road to recovery. And then I'm not sure what happened, I just started binging, then purging, and never stopped :(
Anyways, I wondered if there were any others out there who binged maniacally on cereal! I did this today, nearly ate an entire box :S Also, porridge showed up in there too, as well as grilled cheese sandwiches, and some kind of strange yogurt/oats/raisin mixture (that was really good, actually, but is reeeally one of my trigger foods).
So from this day which I will now always refer to as The Great Binge, I have learned a few of my trigger foods! Grilled cheese sandwiches are definitely a problem, as is cereal, EVEN the healthy kind, as I tend to just pour bowl after bowl...
Day 1 again tomorrow... :(

I've binged 5 days out of 9 days this December. It's so bad and I'm dissapointed with myself. This is so hard. I really want to stop sabotaging myself like this. I hate feeling like food controls me all the time.

Why is this so hard to do? But the good news is I'm starting to work again pretty soon after a 2 years absence from work because of depression. Maybe, it will help me get back on my feet and stop stuffing my face with food.

So I binged tonight. For the first time in a while. I am frustrated with myself. But, I see it as a "win" because I didn't binge and then purge. And I more or less know why I did it.

I was overwhelmed after a long week at work in a high-stress environment, and then assailed immediately after my work day with innapropriate behavior from someone I've been intimate with. I feel exposed this week - I feel like my personal business is being pried into by those outside of my life - those who are gossipers. I don't like that kind of behaviour, I run from it.

It pushed me over the edge - it drove me to want to numb the confusion and strong emotions I was feeling.

I binged, and drank half a bottle of wine. I poured the rest out after I drank half the bottle. I don't know if anyone else ever drinks and binges-but it makes it easier for me. It always made the purge easier, too. But, I am proud that I consiously chose not to purge even while "under the influence". Even though I feel full and sick right now.

So, I will try to take it in stride, and learn from what happened today. I'm no longer so sure about the guy I've been dating for a few weeks now. I never want to discuss my sex life in public. (which he tried to do this afternoon).

So, there it is for now.

Ever since I started hating my body and being hard on myself I found it comforting to eat greasy and unhealthy food. It just made me feel better for a while until I regret doing it and felt it all stick on my body... Lately I've been eating so much even tough I already hate myself for eating. It's like punishing myself for being so fat. The last few days I just can't find anything I eat tasty. There's no taste, no pleasure anymore. I can't imagine anything I feel like eating, it's all the same... Did I take it too far this time?

this girl is amazing, i love her. shes so cute. idk, there are so many videos about bulimis out there but this one made an impression just because she seems so real, a student, and funny and ah. just watch it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wgmwt4xq1So&feature=related