Bulimia Help

So here I am. Binged today. Purged afterwards. I'm soo angry and sad. I know it's too early to expect too much, but i thought I'll be able to have... well, at least more than one day without b/p. But it seems like one day is all i can do right now. And that's pretty discouraging.

On the other hand, there are two good things about this day. First, I'm really surprised, but somehow I've managed to stop my binge at some point. That's something I've never done before... and I'm proud. As a result, the binge wasn't really big (so i can't explain why on earth i've purged afterwards :/ ). The second thing that i'm proud of - the first thought after my binge was "okay, i fucked up so i'm gonna starve myself till the end of the week", but then it was "heey, wait! you've binged, right, but you cannot starve now because it's gonna be even worse!". So i went to this lovely page, read some of your advices and decided to try again tomorrow, just like today's binge never happened. And that's the other thing that i'm proud of :)

So i guess i just have to forgive myself, though i still feel crappy after this b/p. But maybe it's gonna be better, maybe next time i'll be able to stop binges for longer.

ok so. ive been wondering lately
if u dont eat much for a while quite often
then when u do eat vomit it up anyway
does your body forget how to digest food or something??
cause i had bacon and eggs for breakfast at 7am yesterday
then at 4 pm i ate something and vomited it up
but i got bacon and eggs up
9 hours later
im just wondering if thats happened to anyone elsE??

Binged today. Then purged. Then binged again, but I didn't have possibility to purge afterwards. Maybe it's better, i know i shouldn't do it, but I feel like a piece of crap now. Two days, I was able to stop b/p for only two days. Shit, i hate it so much.

I was talking with my mum today. I told her that I might wanna try going to the library after school, so i could learn there. I said that in home everything is distracting me. And she was like: "yeah, like the fridge for example, right? the fridge must be sooo distracting for you..." I know she was joking, and i know she didn't mean to hurt my feelings because she doesn't even know about my bulimia, but... damn, it hurts. Is it THAT obvious that i have problems with food? Damn, if she knew...

Of course, tomorrow I'll start fighting again, but I don't know how many more times I'll be able to start again. I don't know if i have the strength to do it. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know :(

(sorry if i made any mistakes, it's hard to write something in foreign language when you're sooo pissed off)