DOES ANYBODY ELSE GET SOME SORT OF ADRENALINE RUSH FROM THE WHOLE B/P EPISODES? I DO! FOR SOME REASON I FEEL THE NEED TO B/P BECAUSE IT GIVES SOME EXCITEMENT TO MY DAY (AS I AM IN WINTER BREAK NOW, AND HAVE NOTHING ELSE 2 DO BUT B/P ALL DAY..). ALSO I'VE NOTICED I DONT REALLY HAVE MANY INTERESTS ANYMORE, LIKE IF ITS NOT RELATED 2 FOOD I DONT CARE OR WANNA HEAR ABOUT IT, I HAVE FORGOTEN WHO I AM, WHAT I LIKE, WHAT I REALLY ENJOY DOING, BESIDES EATING. ITS LIKE THE ED KEEPS ME SO WRAPPED UP, NEXT THING I KNOW THE DAY HAS GONE BY AND I HAVENT DONE ANYTHING ELSE BUT B/P ALL DAY! REALLY, THE DAYS I HAVE GOTTEN THROUGH W/OUT B/P, I WAS VERY HAPPY..YET BORED? I FELT LIKE I WAS MISSING SOMETHING IN MY DAY..THE RUSH I GOT FROM RAIDING THE CUPBOARDS, THE FRIDGE AND SNEAKING IT ALL BACK 2 MY ROOM...THE RUSH ABOUT GETTING CAUGHT BY MOTHER WHILE I BINGED MY BUNS OFF! THE STRATIGICAL PLANING OF HOW, WHEN AND WHERE I WOULD DISPOSE OF ALL THE EVIDENCE AND THE FOOD SITTING PAINFULLY IN MY STOMACH...WOULD I BE ABLE TO GET AWAY WITH W/OUT ANYONE HEARING/NOTICING ME?...ALL THAT WAS GONE WHILE I WAS DOING WELL, AND I KNOW THAT IT ISNT ANYTHING I SHOULD WANT 4 MYSELF, BUT A SICK, TWISTED PART OF ME WAS CRYING OUT FOR IT...GOD I NEED A LIFE! GIVE IT BACK BULIMIA!
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Slten2 Time to try and sleep! Night all and have a great day to everyone in a different time zone!! 5 min ago |
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Slten2 » Tiddles665 Yup you know what you should do! Just have a light lunch if really not hungry. 15 min ago |
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Tiddles665 » Slten2 Only problem is, I don't feel hungry :/ but I know i should get something, Urgh 18 min ago |
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Slten2 » Tiddles665 Yes you should definatley have lunch! You need to fuel that body. X 20 min ago |
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Tiddles665 Should I get lunch or not =/ Umm i hate this part 22 min ago |
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Has. Hope. » freemotion Hey Susan (= I'm 16 and live in north Carolina, woot! Haha things are getting better everyday. I've been having a lot of "off" days lately but I'm really really trying to recover. How are things going for you? Are you new to the site? 32 min ago |
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it can be sooo exciting planning a binge!
i love sneaking around!
bulimia is like my release, i become so paranoid during a binge, scared that someones watching me, scared that i might not be able to get rid of it. i get all these random emotions ariseing.
I feel that all my worrys dissapear, the only thing that matters is the food!!, and how i am going to purge.
i need a life! but nothing intrest me any more!
grrrr it sucks!!
XooXooX Peace XooXooX
excitement in our lives, and sadly the b/p provides that...like i'd get a real kick about going 2 the grocery store (i still do!). my favorite aisles are the cookie, candy, pastry, and bakery section, and recently i have developed a liking 4 the baby food section..they have a lot of my safe foods i love like the baby cereal n baby puffs which are really low in cals =)..im currently in recovey but like u, idk what really interest me anymore, all i seem 2 think about 4 fun is planning my menus and going gocery shopping...i need friends
it is such a rush..afterwards if i feel that i've succeeded in riding all the food i feel like i can do anything, i'm so happy..the next day not so much
That is my problem. I get a horrible adreinaline rush from b/p and its so much that I want to actually masterbate. Its this feeling of relief, euphoria. It's terrible to say, I know, but its true!
"Wow, look how beautiful I am."
no no no! I know what you mean! After I bp, if I've got everything up (hey, I know you still absorb calories, but if I THINK I've got everything out), then I feel really powerful, and sexy, and I don't know why. This all fades away when I'm out of my mind from restricitng, or I'm bloated beyond all possibility. xxx
I'm exactly the same, and say I binged onm something I can't get out I feel so gross, but if I manage to purge, then I feel great... and yeah especially when I'm bored, like this week my bf has been asked to have an unusual schedule which means working all afternoong/evening, so when I come home I'm all alone, and today was a DISASTER!!!(still is) And now I've contacted a center for ED's and filled out the application forms to send in tomorrow, it makes me so anxious and nervous, and it's almost like i'm worried about getting better, even though I REALLY want to!!
Like gomes2 said "I don't know what I enjoy anymore" I dunno what I actually like eating, doing, having, being. It's all about food and bingeing and purging, It's so sad and depressing... I dunno what to do. I want my own desires back!
FIGHTER
Find the courage to fight
Ignite the enthusiasm deep within you
Give 100% every day
Hold on to those who love you
Think positive
Endure the fear and doubt
Remember you're not alone
"STOP DIETING, START LIVING!"
I struggled for a long time, I never wanted to get better I always went to therapy and lied. Now things are different, I want to have real friends not this eating disorder that has been my friend for five years. Idk I guess I was always afraid of losing friends or that people wouldn't like me that I used bulimia as an excuse not to go out and meet people.
your ed is NOT your friend. whatever it may make you think. it is an evil, nasty, horrible monster who is trying to make you feel that you can't live without it.
i have to admit though, things can be hard with friends when you have an ed. it is so easy to avoid seeing them because of guilt or feeling depressed. or to start taking everything they say really personally and as an insult.
i'm totally and utterly the same. get a mega big rush from bingeing. that must be part of why it is so addictive. it's like anyone with an addiction, desperately doing anything until they get what they need. and at the same time as kind of loving the feeling, i hate it too, because i feel like i'm going to explode with stress and anxiety from all the adrenaline pumping round my veins...
it didn't mean i want it to be my friend i meant thats what it has been like for me...sorry to confuse you
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I know exactly how you feel. All summer long all I did was plan what my next binge was, go to the store, rummage through the cabinets, whatnot and b/p. Like it added excitement to my day, that's all I would do, as many as 7 times a day, I took any free moment as a moment to indulge in it. It's the same way, yet not as frequent at school, any time I'm free, when I should be doing work, and my roommates not around, I raid the vending machine, or make sneaky trips to the dining halls without my friends to stock up, and then go crazy. I forget that there are other ways to spend free time sometimes. Like if that's not what I'm doing then there really is nothing else to do and life is boring, which is a totally crazy way to think. It makes me feel productive and like I did something worthwhile and adrenaline pumping. I understand what like amelia was saying too, how after you feel so sexy and slim, and its empowering. I need to be out with friends or picking up new hobbies instead. Its so hard to remember what you did with time before you started to b/p
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined"
I thought I was the only one that planned B/Ps. I would be so disappointed if I had to work a weekend or miss a vacation day as I usually had a B/P planned. I even planned events around it. I am 10 days into recovery (trying not to count) and I am still planning B/Ps in my head. It is like some bad habit. Like a reflex. Does this go way, fade with time? My plan is to recovery and discover this for myself but would love to hear from others.
Chelsea, 20 years old, 6 years bulimic.
sometimes after i purge, i get a rush of adrenaline, but it's more like i feel like i'm going to faint or like my legs are made of jello. i really hate the feeling, but feel like i'm addicted to purging.
i smoke, so after i purge, i usually smoke, and that adds to the adrenaline rush.
it's horrifying and scary :(
Just about every time I purge, I get the rush. That rush provides me the strength to clean my whole house. Or I get the urge to run. I feel excited and wanting to do something productive to make up for the distructive behavior I just pulled. It goes away after about an hour... then thats when the guilt and depression sets back in for me. Its a thrill in someway...
I get a feeling of relief and sometimes it helps me fall asleep at night too.
Yeah its weird, like I'll feel really excited/optimistic and get that adrenaline rush WHILE i'm on the binge and then i'll crash and feel horrible after binging
ironic -_-
goodluck to everyone <3
Ha, i'm the opposite: i don't get any kind of relief or rush, at all, from bingeing or purging. Even though i do sort of plan binges (in a last minute rush-to-the-shops kind of way) i still just find the whole thing utterly debilitating and miserable. All i feel, before during AND after, is defeated, tired and depressed. No rush. No excitement. Just misery.
~Solidarity is strength~