Bulimia Help

it can be so hard. i remember one time when i was younger my school was having us sell boxes of See's candy bars to raise money for something and i ate the whole box and stole money from my parents to "cover" my tracks. i regret so many times i have stolen money and food. Thankfully i am not in that place now...

acidentally got posted twice

I thought i was the only one who bought food like drugs, its sad, I need money so bad just to buy food to throw it all up in the end, i feel bad because its such a waste, but today i just spent almost forty bucks on food i just ended up just wasting. I understand so much, i thought it was only me.

I am so looking forward to having extra money...when it came to food and my binges there was like, no stopping me. I would just lay my hard earned money out and I am sure it added up to at least a couple ofhundred dollars each month if not more!

Every cent i get! Its crazy! I too thought i was like the onli one :( i spent 40 bucks today aswell, once i spet 100 bucks in one afternoon! Its so shamefull :(
And i jus to make things bloody WORSE i was purging in the disabled toilet and i tried 2 pick the quietest one in the mall and JUST MY LUCK when i come out a lady in a wheelchair is waiting and had a go at me, it was so embarrassing! But i just told her that jus because i can walk doesnt meen im not disabled! I should have jus told her the truth and told her i had a life threatening illness which makes it very difficult for me to use the regular toilets and that i could have a heart attack at any moment, but just left out the whole part about having an eating disorder :P
Argh i know its bad, and i feel soooo soooo soooo soooo sooooo humungosly guilty right now. And it all happend just before i had to go into work and for the first hour of woking i had to fight back tears, i jus felt like breaking down right then and there:(

Hey hun I soooo know how you feel. That is one big reason I look forward to recovery because I won't have any debt. I spend money everyday on food and I can't stop. Totally agree with ur comment slow descent it is just like food is a drug! but afterwards I feel sooo guilty and am having to hide my reciepts incase anyone sees what disgusting food purchases I have made. I also have to drop my rubbish at random bins around town cos its sooo full of junk food wrappers people would get suspicious at home, I hate living this double life! :( xxx

I thought I was the only one who's gone broke from an ED - and I cannot wait to be rid of the out-of-control grocery bills. When I first moved out it was so hard to explain to my mother why I burned through the money I borrowed so fast - that coupled with how much weight I lost so fast, my family thought I was a heroin addict! And I am totally guilty of bringing all of my binge trash to school to drop them in their dumpsters so my BF would see how much I'd consumed all day. I'm really tired of this double-agent stuff - I'm really feeling ready to take back control of my life!

I hate the amount of money I have spent on food, only to purge it. Wish I could just enjoy food. I have sworn to myself time and time again that I will just try to buy healthy food and that way I will not have the urge to purge. But, ugh, that junk food is so tempting.

I HATE how much money I spend on it too!!!! For a while it got real bad where I was having to call my dad and ask for more because I was broke from all that I had bought....It helps me to think about what I would normally spend on food and to set a goal to spend it differently. I live near a mall, and when I get the urge to binge I just go to the gas station, buy a small, cheap snack, and munch on it while shopping for something the same price as what I was expecting to spend that day. This may be hard to do, but I used to know exactly what my cravings were going to cost me...now I just feed my cravings by buying a cute shirt or piece of jewelry that is on sale :) I always feel SO great after I get it too because I know it won't disappear in 30 minutes! It has also slowly gotten to be less and less of a thing I do as I am learning how to distract myself when I get the urge.

I'm a new member and this is my first time writing anything. It feels weird talking about my ED but reading everyone's comments makes me feel more open to share. I drive to school everyday and often stop at the grocery store and spend $20 on food that I just binge and purge right away after. I'm studying abroad next year and trying to save up but it's so hard to save any money when it is all spent on food. I tried giving my credit/debit card to my dad so I couldn't spend money but that wasn't a practical long-term solution because sometimes I actually do need money for things I need to buy (such as gas). I am afraid that next year when I am studying in Europe I will run out of money so quickly and I will have no money to pay for the things I need. Tomorrow I will not buy anything unhealthy and I will begin taking steps to treat myself and my body better.

I agree with this aspect, while at the end of the day it isn't my biggest concern with bulimia it still annoys me at how much I spend and have spent on food, that just ends up being wasted.It's weird I have always been pretty careful with money prior to this, but now I can blow £'s £'s on food. It's depressing...especially when I get my bank statement and see the list of transactions. Urgh...

I think the worst thing I have done is steal money from a charity box to fund a binge. The worst place I has purged is in my grandmothers garden.....I have also done the disabled toilet too. I hate the way this problem turns you into a horrible person. I did, a day after stealing the money put more back in, but still it is a disgracefull unforgivable act.

i live Abroad and EVERYDAY, MANY TIME A DAY for the PAST 3 years all i do is SPEND MONEY ON FOODD! ITS DISGUSTING AND IMMM SOOO BROKE!!.... my parents think im unnapprecative and soo ruthless for spending money like crazyyy when im astudent and i couldnt take it anymore!!! i told my dad today... because i spend thousands of dollars on food and he was really pissed why i used soo much money in such a short time.... :( and i culdnt give ANYMORE EXCUSES!! i had to tell him... i told him im bulimic... IM SOO ASHAMED!!!!!! ive been having anxiety attacks alll day, im really losing it... i feel sooo alone!!! i mean it sounds insane to even tell my dad that i spend thousands of dollars on foood to puke it up again... what is wronggggggggg with meee!
I know exactly how you feel.... i hope we all get better sooon...

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I just finished my taxes, and looked at what I made last year. I have nothing to show for it. Besides a few pieces of clothing, I spent all my money on food. I used to save all my money and now I just throw it all away. I know its stupid but I really need some help on how to stop going out to stores to b and p

I eat nonstop when binging and spend way too much money and I find it way easier to binge eat at college, outside of my parents field of vision and siblings, and especially with all the free food I get to take home after works, its scary though if i go into a grocery store and spend my whole paycheck, i hate it, and also the glazed look i get in my eyes and how i can't look anyone in the face when I'm buying binge food, i feel so shameful, I ran into a friend from college on one binge shopping spree and was so embarrased but it woke me up to reality

I remember I was on a hunt for binge food, and went to McDonald's and I had $6.20 left and the total bill was $6.23 and I couldn't find any more change or anything, that was all I had! And I pulled up to the window to pay and I was like I don't have 3 cents, and she was nice about it and let me get go, but I thought wow, this is sucking all my money. It made me see myself as desperate, but I make the best out of it and laugh because it IS kinda funny.

I remember I was on a hunt for binge food, and went to McDonald's and I had $6.20 left and the total bill was $6.23 and I couldn't find any more change or anything, that was all I had! And I pulled up to the window to pay and I was like I don't have 3 cents, and she was nice about it and let me get go, but I thought wow, this is sucking all my money. It made me see myself as desperate, but I make the best out of it and laugh because it IS kinda funny.

I usually go out at night without my debit card so I'm not tempted to surf the drive throughs on the way home. But I've resorted to searching for change in my car. Once, I didn't have enough, and I asked a COMPLETE STRANGER next to me if she had a quarter. I felt like a freak. There have also been times when I KNEW I was twenty to thirty cents short but went through the drive-through anyway, making the excuse that I thought it was the "old price" and didn't have enough money. :-(

WOW! What a relief to know I'm not alone!!! :) Wasting money is one of my biggest concerns as well, but here are a few important things to remember that will hopefully make us all feel a bit better:

1) We are NOT ALONE!!! It's comforting to know that we're all going through the same thing, so we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves for spending so much money. I usually refrain from calculating how much I've spent in total on my binges (because I know it's a lot), but I did once, and it was about $500 on one bill alone. That was a real shock/reality check, but unfortunately it wasn't enough to stop me. I like Msupup's idea of treating yourself to something of equal value. I've done that a couple times as well, but sometimes material things just won't satisfy me the way food does. But I'm a bit of a shopaholic anyways, so when I'm not bingeing, I'm usually spending money on other things. So between both my "addictions," I don't have any savings despite having a decent paying job.

2) A friend once wisely said to me that she wasn't concerned about how much money she spends, because you can always make more. That really resonated with me, and it's an important reminder and reassurance that no matter how much we waste on food now, we will make up for it once we recover. But for now we have to forgive ourselves because we have a disease that we need to overcome.

I understand the guilt of over-indulging when some people can't even afford a single meal. Once I was eating at McDonalds, and a homeless person came up to me and asked me for change. I felt SO guilty (especially when I said, "Sorry, no I don't.")! I felt like a horrible person. But then I reminded myself that I didn't ask for an ED and I don't want one; I'm not a horrible person for having a problem that many other people suffer from. The important thing is that I do want to get better, and every time I binge, it brings me one step closer to recovery. If I weren't bingeing the other day, then I would have never went in search of this website. We're all going through a really sh*tty stage in our lives, but we have to try and stay positive. We will overcome this, and we will emerge stronger and wiser as a result, and will be able to help others in similar situations. So stay strong and please forgive yourselves for spending money on food! In a few months, what you spent weeks ago won't even matter. What's important is that we're all here in an effort to get better. Money comes and goes just as weight goes up and down, but when it comes down to it, weight and money don't really matter. There are way more important things in life.

XOXO Carlie <3

Sad. I sometimes get SO worked up and upset, thinking, if i had all that money now, which i've spent over the years on binge food, how much would it amount to? Hundreds, maybe even thousands of pounds? And what could i do with it instead? And how much better would my health be? And how different would my life be?

I often make jokes about how fucking expensive bulimia is but actually right now i can't think of any, maybe cos i'm not in the mood, hrrrmph

[/humourless cow]

Wise words, Carlie. Thank you.

This has become a major issue for me. I spent $2,500 on binge food in 2 months. I usually don't keep track but decided to in the month of November and December. I have been living on my own for a year now. I don't want to ever have to move back in with my parents. The problem is if I keep on spending this much money it will eventually run out.
I feel very wasteful. There are so many people out their starving and I feel so guilty doing what I am doing. I am a nanny for a wonderful family and I also feel so bad spending their money they pay me with so wastefully. Obviously the guilt hasn't stopped me but you would think at some point I would just stop.

I think everyone feels this guilt. I reckon i may have spent £4000 last year. But the guilt isn't helpful. Do you think november and december have been really bad months? or have they been an improvement? I think you could keep track of how much you spend in jan, and try to make it less than you did in nov or dec.
i thought once that i would reward myself in gifts to oxfam. but i didn't. partly because right now, i feel that i need to see my own rewards. but one day when i'm over this and rich, i will.

yes. keep fighting. things will improve with time. you just need to keep working at it. good luck!

it seems like we are all in the same boat, unfortunately. i always feel so disgusted with myself when i think of how much money i blow on food that im not even keeping down. it is pretty much the same as flushing money down the toilet. keep your chin up and stay strong!

Dont feel bad. I have a good job, good pay and spend 2/3 of my salary on food. Thats really bad but I dont feel bad about it or beat myself up. I know this is something Ive done for years at the cost of getting into debt but I just pick myself up, dust myself down and try and spend less or buy cheaper food.

I never set myself up for a fall by trying to set too bigger goals for me right now. I used to put myself through hell of saying 'I wont binge today' only to fail and this made me even more depressed each time I failed.

So now, I just say 'I will try to spend less' or 'I will try not to b/p in the mornings' and then only do what Ive gotta do (b/p) in the evenings. This has helped me to spend less as Im consuming less through b/p. It doesnt eat into (excuse the pun) so much of my time getting ready for work if I dont do it in the morning and I dont end up feeling bad or exhausted in the mornings from doing it.

Of course I dont always achieve it but I can but try.
Dont get me wrong, my debt is still bad and I permanently sell my soul on ebay and I cant afford many nice posessions as a result of spending all my money on food but we have to do something and we cant just give in. I mean, I couldve paid all my debts 20 times plus by now!

I totally relate to feeling like a drug addict and I totally understand having loads of money when I was anorexic too. I mean I used to have thousands saved from when I used to work a crappy part time job and now I have thousands of debt instead and a fab job with good pay. Its like when a b/p urge takes hold we will do anything to get our fix so to speak.

Just remember that none of this is our fault. We werent born with eating disorders and that we are a product of our upbringing and experiences through our lives. None of us asked to become anorexic/bulimic and we didnt just wake up one day being like this. It took a lot of weeks, months and years to become like this and it certainly wont become undone overnight.

Keep strong and dont blame yourself xxx

...on food, and donate it to charity - to feed STARVING children in third world countries?
...Now THAT would be a worthy cause.

I am so relieved to see that I'm not alone in my financial struggle [though I'd prefer NONE of us have to struggle with this dilemma..] ...On a daily basis I spend a minimum of $20 on a binge-run. Other days, [usually on my days off from work], I can spend up to $50 over the course of the day. What frightens me is that I haven't paid my rent in almost 2 months!! I've always been punctual with paying my bills, but my ED always takes the front seat.

I know where this is heading, I know I'm about to crash head-on into a brick wall, but I just can't seem to change course. It's true that our health is much more important than money in retrospect, but I simply can't afford to live this way for much longer...

The worst part is, I've even resorted to shoplifting food. It's horrible! I've never compromised my morals before. I need to nip this in the bud, once and for all.

~~~~~~~

XoXo <3

It's a relief that I am not the only one that is struggling with this. I have used up student loans, savings bonds, and am up to the limit on my credit card from binge food. My life is falling apart. Can't wait till every paycheck. I'm actually going to cash some more savings bonds tomorrow since I won't get paid for awhile. I binged all weekend and told myself since I have no more money that I will be good this week, but I know it won't happen. Don't know how much longer I can do this for.

I feel bad because I just realized that I spend around $500 a week on food! It can only be a matter of time before my mom says something about it. I gave up being vegan because I was spending too much on food. My mom and dad have to go to the grocery store 3-4 times a week to keep up with me. She would kill me if she knew!

It's been nice to know that I'm not alone here. I too have spent WAAAYYYY too much time and money on food and binging. Avoided friends, social functions etc.
I hate the way my face and glands swell after a binge. I feel so guilty about the amount of money I spend on food, hiding the "evidence"..etc.
It's soo hard trying to curb the urges and deal with the real issues that are bothering me rather than "eat it away".... =(

I used to play a game that if I did not b/p for "x" number of weeks that I would buy myself something really great. I figured that I could buy myself something pretty damn nice. for whatever reason, that game never worked for me.
Anyway, I am in recovery and I am AMAZED at how little money I am spending. I go to the grocery store and deli once per week. No need to go more often to pick up b/p food. So, I actually have more time. Plus, I am less cranky when I go to the grocery store as I am not harboring guilt and anger.
I wonder if the junk food companies know how much money they make off of us? I think I generated some pretty good sales for them.
You know this is an addiction when half the time you don't even care much for the stuff you eat and if you did like it you feel so sick that you don't any more.

When I was at uni I would try not to buy stuff so as to avoid binging but on afew occasions ended up eating other peoples food who were sharing my kitchen. I felt bad whilst doing it but there were no shops close to the halls and i had no control.
After dropping out of uni and coming home it is even worse because my mum will buy anything I ask for, even though i know it it costing huge amounts she cant afford, which makes me feel even more guilty. On a bad week I will can have whole pots of ben and jerrys about 3 times a week.

Oh I've been so good. And today I messed up and spent £35 on food. Plus I must have eaten about another £5 of stuff already in the house... And I have no money anymore at all. I'm living off my boyfriend and I told him I would keep trying hard to eat well to save money.

I feel you. I went through a phase when I would spend $50 a day at least on food. I spent over $1000 in 2 weeks. I feel so guilty because there's people dying in this world because they don't have a crumb to eat, and here I am, gorging myself on food so I could throw it back up.