Bulimia recovery and relationships

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almond joy
almond joy's picture
Bulimia recovery and relationships

I'm back, after not really spending much time on here. But I really need a community to support me with my recovery so I thought I'd give this a really go this time.I really want to be recovered. Mainly because I'm tired of this disease keeping me from pursuing a more fulfilling life and relationships. I really don't like being/living alone. I'm going on my 5th year living alone and I just want someone to grow with. Not to mention, I had my first serious health accident a few months ago. I fainted getting out of bed, hit my head, got a concussion, had to get several staples, and also broke my teeth and had to get them replaced from the impact of the fall. It was the scariest thing I had ever experienced. I couldn't stand up, and I could see for several seconds. It turned out my blood pressure was very very low.

Anyway, I want a boyfriend but I'm not sure whether I should just focus on recovery. Can date and get a boyfriend at the same time? What are your thoughts or experiences? Part of me is afraid I'll never be truly "healed" to wait to get a boyfriend, and part of me is afraid if I get a boyfriend without being fully healed, my relationship with him will be limited. Does that make sense at all?

Anastasia

Angel333
Angel333's picture
Dont let Bulimia hold you

Dont let Bulimia hold you back from anything in life. Yes your recovery is important but it is a continuous gradual process which can be worked on regardless of whats going on in your life. If you find someone you like then go for it. Have fun. Focus on something else, a bit of social company may be just what you need to give you a bit of a boost.

'We are each of us angels with only one wing, so we can only fly by embracing each other'

almond joy
almond joy's picture
Hi Angel333, Thank you for

Hi Angel333,
Thank you for your words and advice. It makes sense to me. Hope you're having nice day!
Best,

Anastasia

TootieSuz
TootieSuz's picture
Though it's hard to tell a

Though it's hard to tell a guy EVERYTHING, once you're in a serious enough relationship, you can always explain vaguely what you're going through. I still am not completely open with my husband. But we've figured out how to go out to dinner together. Dating is extremely hard, especially if you have trouble going out to eat or if restaurants trigger binges for you. I'm not going to lie to you and say it's easy, but don't let bulimia stop your dating life, you may meet " the one" who is even more supportive than you think!

Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you are right. " -Henry Ford

kelsey_h
kelsey_h's picture
This has been an issue for me

This has been an issue for me as well! A friend of mine also expressed the same anxiety, which was helpful to hear as I feel less alone in the confusion. I started a serious monogamous relationship 4 months ago, something pretty new to me. A big concern of mine is of over-burdening my partner with my own "stuff" -- I am also working through trauma from past sexual experiences, so it is a very vulnerable time, so I have to pick my battles of what I am going to be burdened with, choose to work through, and what I express to others ( the thought are: "should I keep issues confined to support groups and counseling meetings, to limit any strain to my relationship?" ) I know that honesty is very important, as suppressing and censoring myself can lead to relapse. Try to be compassionate towards yourself and have faith that a partner who cares about you will want to hear what you are going through in order to more skillfully support you :)

Healing is a process, not an event

Anmie
Anmie's picture
Hi Anastasia, First off, I'm

Hi Anastasia,

First off, I'm really sorry you fell and hurt yourself! That sounds terrible, I hope you've been ok since.

Second, I really hear you on the boyfriend thing. I have been considering staying single and focusing on recovery for a bit. What I wonder then is, am I just hiding behind recovery, in the same way I hide behind binging in order not to have to face up to the problem areas in my life? I think if you feel you'd like a relationship, then you're ready.

I also want to agree with Kelsey that a good man will not judge you for your issues. In a way it's a litmus test! I dated one guy for a while and I did open up to him - he was not particularly empathetic but he wasn't judgemental. And then the next guy I dated was really sweet and supportive about it. Sometimes I've framed it lightly, rather than say 'bulimia': "I have a real problem with comfort eating junk food"...

Anyway, I wanted to get in touch because I am also considering internet dating (just moved back to London and it's hard to meet people!) and need some encouragement. :) Let us know how you get on!

x x x

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