Bulimia Help

Thanks for giving me something to think about... I do exactly the same! I analyse other peoples meals all the time- how many meals, what they eat in relation to what they weight, how quickly they eat, in relation to what i eat, in relation to what i weigh... It becomes this whole cycle of my putting myself down and feeling abnormal and out of place, followed by anxiety, desire to binge etc... So here's what i've decided to do:-) this week, when i start obsessing about what 'normal' people eat, i'm gonna try and stop myself- i need to trust myself to recover and stop comparing myself to everyone else! I hope i succeed!

I do the same thing with my roommate who is considerably smaller than I am! I won't eat dessert if she doesn't..and if she eats shitty, I love it. Even though I'm taller and more muscular and NEED more food than her, I try to eat similar to her or better. I need to stop obsessing over this. Thanks for bringing this up. I guess it is a "normality" in the bulimia world.

i do it too. a little different but i become overly concerned with the health of my mom and bf, totally like the food police and it sometimes annoys them. i thinks we all know so much about nutrition as ed people and so we want to protect others from toxic stuff maybe? i understand you and the comparison thing tho. sometimes its fascinating for me to see someone who has a normal relationship to food and i wish to model myself after them, if only i could be that normal.

Dont worry.. i do it too =/

i start feeling greedy when i'm the only one eating, and i'll try and get other people to eat too

i think we all feel the same about other people eating, i get jealous how they can eat normally and leave food on their plates!

i get abit angry and like "why aren't you hungry?"

and then i feel guilty when i convince people in my family to eat the fatty foods i eat, when i know what's going to happen afterwards once i've had mine =/

and i'm only starting my first day of trying again to get sorted out

I can go crazy if people around me skip a meal because they are "not hungry"

I will always try to eat better and smaller amounts than the people I am eating with.

I will feel sooo much better if people around me stuff their face with fastfood...

I can get jealous of people who have a normal attitude about food, love food and are able to stop when they are not hungry.

I've been like this too. Even before the ED, I was, as laryssa said, the "nutrition police".

At the moment I work full time at a sandwich bar, and am constantly assessing what people are choosing for their sandwiches.

What suggestions would people make?

I totally identify with the "nutrition police" and feeling pretty much furious when other people's diets are on the one hand intimidatingly healthy and elegant, or on the other hand disgusting and greasy.

Something I admit to doing, is cooking really unhealthy meals for people whose dietary discipline I envy. For instance, I will stick junk food in their face, slather butter on their toast and try to entice them to order all the carbs on the menu in a restaurant, whilst I stick to like tofu and clear broth.

I think there must be some way of accounting for these feelings we get. I desperately wish to be able to eat just like those people I despise, and sometimes I find that I end up wishing so hard that I b/p to reflect my frustration!

It's funny to also notice which of your friends are obsessed with what everyone is eating. It seems like all females in their early twenties are at each others' throats to know diet tricks and the likes. Even some of my aunties are always trying to find out whose eating what, or at least what are the skinny people eating?

When I lose weight, everyone asks what I've been eating, and if they don't ask I catch them monitoring what I'm ordering/bringing for lunch. And then they want to know your workout routine and everything. If only I could tell them that actually I'm really disciplined at getting to the gym because I have like thousands of calories to run off!

i do the same thing. I get angry if people aren't hungry and eat, when i want to eat, because eating alone makes me feel greedy and fat.
And, yeah, i also feel good, when i eat just a little and others are eating more.

I also do the same thing.

I'm always critiquing what people eat in my head, but I never say anything. I also like to come off as someone who doesn't care about what I eat even though I'm obsessed. To the outside world I probably appear to be one of "those people" who can intuitively eat properly. Oh what lie! It kind of makes me wonder who else has eating issues but just hides it well.

I also have extreme jealously towards people who can eat moderately and still be thin. I hate it so much, I wish I hate feeling resentment towards people who I really like over something as stupid as food.

Ever since I found this website, and accepted that I do truly have an ED, I find myself obsessively analyzing other people's actions and wondering if they have an ED. And not only around my family and friends, but random people! I find myself looking not only at their actions around food, but even just their mannerisms, their bodies, their personalities ... Sometimes I find myself guessing as to what part of their body they are most insecure about, and to what extent. I work as a cashier at a grocery store (the worse possible job for a bulimic, I know), where I get ample opportunity to do this. I find myself analyzing people's food purchases - the quality, quantity of foods, and their attitude as their purchasing it, and in all the time I've worked there, I can only say I've seen one or two people who I am fairly sure have an ED. To anyone else, they are incredibly average looking, and one would never suspect them. It just comes as such a huge shocker as to how SECRETLY this thing can destroy us and that the reality is that RARELY will anyone suspect.

I not only stress about WHAT other people are eating, but I can't stand the sound of other people eating. I feel so self conscious about eating anything that I feel actual anger if I can hear someone chewing. I think they are so unconcerned with what they are eating that they just chew - out in the open. They are not trying to hide the fact that they are eating! I hate foods that crunch because someone might look my way and see me. Then they will know why I am so big - because I eat.

These feelings come and go, but seem to be worse lately. The more I try structured eating - really paying attention to what I'm eating - the worse it gets.

i am absolutely on the same boat with all of you. i hate this part of myself - among many others, lovely yes.

it bothers me to no end if someone is able to stop eating before they finish their meal(!!) i always stare aghast and wonder how? how how how?? if it's in front of their face, HOW can they resist? i want them to eat just as gluttonously as me when i'm eating in front of them!!

this mind set makes me feel so sad and pathetic :(

and i am constantly paranoid that EVERYONE is watching what I eat if ever I eat in public. watching me, analyzing my food choice, analyzing the speed i eat, everything... i hate it.

Me too! It's especially worse when the person watching me knows that I have and ed. Every glance my direction is like a piercing bullet! They are either thinking, why is she eating that or why is she eating that much. And if they say something, I feel ashamed. Even if I'm eating normally. They say they are trying to help, but it makes me feel deprived. Like I don't deserve to eat something.

My husband is tall and so thin. He eats so much crap you would think he has a eating disorder,he just rubs his belly and says, " I JUST ATE LIKE A PIG" I get so mad and so jealous. When I go out to dinner with friends and family people order what ever sounds good. I don't think I have ever done that. And If I have I feel so guilty I go home and barf it all up. I just don't know were it all went wrong.I see my young kids eat and they naturally stop when they are full.I hope to get back in touch with that. I just love everyones stories and honesty. Thank you!

So a common theme has emerged- many of us tend to feel JEALOUS, OBSESSED, ANGERED, INTIMIDATED (and insert any other negative descriptor here!) about OTHER PEOPLE'S eating behaviours.

Is anyone one up for brainstorming on how to restructure this belief? Has anyone tried applying it to that test on this website?

One way that I have tried to use this belief to get better, is that I have made like 30 flashcards with my own affirmations scribbled on them. They aren't exactly self-help book material, but they are things that mean something to me. I'm supposed to read them before every meal, or at least each morning and night. One of those cards is a list of people whose eating habits I wish I could emulate, and indeed the eating habits that I so so so envy.

It does work a bit to try and 'take on' their behaviours, and somehow it reinforces good eating behaviour for at least the next little while after I read the card.

Anyone else willing to turn this belief into positive action?

I completely do this too.......My younger sister is insanely naturally thin and has huge boobs too, people get surgery to get bodies like hers its crazy. Even though ive never been overweight (the highest weight i got to was coz of bulimia, how ironic), i always felt like the fat one in our family and am constantly scrutinising what my sisters eat. My best friend is also naturally thin and she eats so much crap it makes me so mad, then i feel guilty coz she has been possibly the most supportive person with my ed. And I am so shocked that you guys feel the same about listening to others eat, i thought i was the only one. It literally makes me feel like screaming, especially when its my dad coz he makes sooooooooo much lip smaking etc noises... i find it gross and confronting?

I can totlally relate to you guys!! I'm doing so much better lately but i'm still quite obsessed with what other people are eating and I sometimes have a go at my boyfriend and then feel really guilty. Anyone making a noise when they eat or eating with their mouth open makes my blood boil!!!

I have started to eat using my intution and find that it is really working for me. When I try structured eating it makes me more obsessive and if i do something 'wrong' it sets me off on a binge. Can anyone relate to this?

I have been eating day to day with no planning and eating what I fancy in small amounts (including my triggers) I've started to feel much more relaxed and i'm not dreading christmas half as much as usual because i know that I will finally (hopefully)have some control.

I hope this helps other people that are struggling with the structured eating because if something isn't working then you have to try something else. Eating with intuition is very scary at first but be brave, trust yourself and give it a go.

Lots of hugs

xxxxx

Hey hun!!

You did really well to go 2 weeks so you know that you have it in you and must really want to recover. I felt exactly like you and knew that I had to try something else.

I'm not perfect all the time by any means and still get some crazy cravings and prob overeat a little to much sometimes. I do feel more content with myself though and not as stressed.

When you get up in the morning ask yourself what you really want and have a regular portion of it. Try to do the same with lunch and dinner. You'll find that you will get used to listening to your body eventhough this will take some time.

If you have slip ups, don't beat yourself up, just try again at your next meal. I hope this helps you a little. You are worth so much more that your ED. Let me know how you get on.

Lots of love and luck

N xxx

reading all of these posts is like looking in a mirror. When my eating problems started (before I had even lost a noticeable amount of weight), I would get so angry with my parents if I smelled toast, because my room is above the kitchen. I felt like I was being left out, even though I was the one excluding myself.

Then when I was diagnosed with anorexia, I would get so so angry at my parents for eating biscuits and ice cream in front of me, or for eating standing up in the kitchen, or for rushing their food, or talking with their mouths full; anything which showed that they weren't paying attention to their food drove me crazy because I was (and am) so obsessed.

I adore my younger brother, but I've always been jealous of him. He's "prettier" than I am, has my mum wrapped round his little finger, and can eat whole bars of chocolate, drink alsohol, sit in bed with his girlfriend eating ice cream... he can do all teh things I can't, then still feel hungry, and be as skinny as hell! So I used to make him brownies, bring him hot chocolate with cream in it, buy him sweets when I went shopping, butter his toast really thickly... anything to make him a little fatter. Sooooooooooo awful.

My mum sometimes only eats an apple and cheese for lunch, has no breakfast, doesn't really snack, and eats little for dinner, but she's no Kate Moss. This scares me, because I think "hell, I'm going to have her thighs no matter how much I starve", which is a really awful thing to think about your mum.

I'm always pushing the bananas or healthy stuff at my dad to save him from his toast "addiction"... I don't know what the hell I'm doing! I'm trying to make the thin ones fatter, and trying to make the bigger ones feel guilty about not being obsessively healthy.

All the while, I'm a big knotty mess of obsession, asceticism and mood swings.

this wierd to talk about as i seem like im the only guy here :-( i do the same guys, my dad is quite big not to be mean just the way he is, but he doesnt eat loads everday some days he goes the whole day with just a bit of toast and barely anything thin at nite and no lunch, i feel like i have to do the same or nothing as hes bigger than me and i dont want to get like it, i dont know if that makes sense but hey i hope some of you get the gist of that gibble rant of mine lol...

hey Matthew :) It's really really great that even though you seem a bit worried about the fact that you might be the only guy on here (I actually don't know if there are any more!), you're still here talking about how this evil psychosis has got you too. I'm really honestly truly not being patronising, even if it sounds like it... I hope it doesn't though!

I'm the same with my dad! I adore him, but I fear ending up like him physically. He too doesn't seem to eat that much, nor does my mum, but they're hardly waifish. And my nana (who's my dad's mum) is huge, bless her. She has so many scary health problems, but I never see her eat anything much either! it's so confusing.

What's even more confusing is that when I was technically anorexic (I say "technically" because I hate the word "anorexic", it's so clinical, and I have never NOT eaten... I was just very restrictive and underweight), I actually ate quite a lot once the doctors got onto me and my parents knew. I even had these Fortisip drinks which seem to have quite a bit of energy in them, but I actually lost weight. I just don't understand my body, which is perhaps why I have such a hard time "controlling" it. Ha! Like it needs to be controlled... I think it was probably fine before I started tampering with its vital eliments.

I hope you feel ok today. No, I hope you feel wonderful, and ready to fight this beast! But I hope that the worst you feel is "ok", if you get my meaning :)

Every single (f******) post I read- I"m like nodding away, I"m exactly the same.
One of my best friends is a feeder and it drives me mad. She is always try to feed me and yet never eats herself. She doesn't have an official eating disorder, but she's very type A personality- impatient, ambitious, etc and so being thinnish kind of suits her. But it drives me friggin mad. I hate it and she knows about my eating disorder, yet the only foods she offers are 'bad foods'

This is my first post. I discovered this website by searching 'bulimia' on twitter. I am amazed. I've seen many recovery websites, but this is by far the best because of the community and the honesty of the exchanges.

Back to the topic. I agree with everything that's been said here, almost (I don't really notice the sound of eating/lip smacking, etc). I am the biggest nutrition police though, specially with my bf whom I love so friggin much. He is a bit overweight, just a tad, and he complains that he is fat. So i try to give him pointers but what I am really doing is being a mad obsessive obnoxious bitch :S

If I see him ordering a 'bad' food I will ask "DO you really want to eat that?" and then I roll my eyes at him... He is so nice to put up with me. I tell him that I worry because his dad died young of a heart attack and I don't want him to follow the same path. All the while I say this, I think about how I stuff my face and risk cardiac arrest several times a week...

Sigh... It's like I don't have enough controling my food, i have to control other people's too and ruin their own pleasure with food. I really don't like this behaviour. I wish I was freakin tad a bit overweight like him but could eat whatever I want, instead of being nutrition police with my head in the toilet bowl every 3 days.

Boy, that rant felt good.

i hate being like this, when out for dinner i feel like dessert and no one else does and i con them into eating it knowing im going to purge it back up. it makes me feel so much better that they are absorbing all of the fat/sugar etc. Its horrible but yeh i guess its just another one of our wierd obsessions..

I tend to compare what I eat to my mother all the time, becuase shes so thin, and is a health nut, I just feel like I can never be up to her level of perfection, I often try to make her favorite desserts just to see her eat something bad once in a while. As I feel so guilty when I eat certain things in front of her. So hard to live with her too.

I wouldn't say I'm exactly obsessed over what other people eat, but I am totally fixated on how overweight everyone is around me. I can't help it, but I feel superior, even though I know that I arrived at my thin-ness using the most unhealthy of routes.

And yes, I'll admit to urging my friends to eat fatty desserts along with me, knowing all the while that I will bring mine back up later. Not sure why this gives me satisfaction, but it does.

But for as long as I can remember, I have always eaten way more than her (and I never overeat). What sort of example is she trying to set?

Now I'm old enough to know how much I should be eating and how much sh should be eating, so at almost every dinner time I say the same things, "Is that all you're eating?" and, looking at the tiny portion of food on her plate, "So you're not having a dinner today?".

I know I should try to be more understanding, but it kills me to think that she might have an eating disorder too. Truth is, I hate being in any way like her and this illness is something so personal to me, I don't want to share it with anyone else.
And I know how awful that sounds, but it's the truth.

Now when I restrict, she gets back at me by saying, "You barely eat anything," even though I eat twice as much as her.

I hate it.

haha im totally the same. im scared of being bigger than my boyfriend. he islike 6'4 and i am 5'7 so this is ridiculous. but i have normal girl body and he has a toned fat free body. ughh
when i cook for him i add so much better! just yesterday i made us breakfast. i made eggs for us in seperate pans. in his i added tons of butter, 3 eggs, cheese, salt, even some of the bacon fat i used ot make him 3 pieces of bacon. i made him a glass of juice and 2 pieces of buttery toast. every morning i give him coffee with lots of cream and sugar. then i have 1 piece of blotted bacon, dry toast, and 1 egg. and i feel controlled.

if i make us both an english muffin i eat mine right away, and he sometimes eats haf then gets distracted so i heat it up and ask him if he likes it and am just fixated. its like i depend on him eatting the fricken muffin! he thinks im just being caring lol....

once we had chips and hed just eat some occasionally but me, i was in heaven! he loooked at the bag and was like wow baby is a litttle hungry! he never makes me feel gross for eatting a lot. i love that. but i hate how i feel like the witch in hansel and gretel when i try to fatten him up

and matthew. i know exactly what you mean! how do guys just not eat all day then just have huge ammounts. ill call my boyfriend at like 2 and hell say he hasnt ate yet that day and i feel so jealous. then im jealous all over again when he scarfs down burgers and is so skinny

I feel completely the same way! I live with my two best mates at university, and they both eat so much. They eat massive meals and loads of snacks, literally like three or four times more than me, and they dont do ANY excercise whatsoever whereas i do. But they've never put on any weight at all, and they've always been skinny and i cant understand why and i hate it.

Oh sweetie...This is one of the reasons I can't seem to recover. :( I COMPLETELY understand!!! My sister and I have always competed with each other, and despite having shared the most delicious foods growing up, we both began dieting, exercising, and competing over food as we got older. I always feel bad when I'm indulging and she's not, or when I seem to eat more than she does (which is practically always). And I also feel good when I know she's indulging, but I also feel slightly guilty when I'm not. I've always been a little heavier than her, even though I'm shorter, but it wasn't until I got older that I realized that comparing myself to her was like comparing apples and oranges, because we each have different body types. It's still a touchy subject between us, but I think we're both trying hard to overcome our issues and try to start eating and indulging normally again.

But I'm still very affected by others' eating habits. I work predominantly with women, who are CONSTANTLY talking about their weight and dieting. Some days it makes me want to binge, some days it makes me want to diet; some days they drive me absolutely crazy and some days I have the strength to encourage them and try to make them feel better about themselves. But it does make it extremely hard to accept gaining weight and eating normally when people around you are constantly making you feel like you should be dieting and losing weight.

I think the solution is to learn how to love and accept yourself so that you no longer care what others think, say, do, or look like. At some point, you just have to say "screw everyone else!" and just do what's best for you, because it's YOUR life, and you deserve to be happy!!! If others are depriving themselves to lose weight, then they're just making themselves miserable, and that's their choice. There are some women out there who buy into society's expectations, and those women drive me nuts, but then I just remind myself how many women there are out there who, like me, have curves and rolls and who love to eat and don't want to ascribe to the skinny ideal. We just need to surround ourselves with positive examples and strong, like-minded women. This site is fantastic, because we all have each other and can talk about our issues, which really helps us to overcome them.

i think we can all honestly say that being skinny doesn't make you happier or even look better, and therefore we shouldn't feel jealous, intimidated, threatened by, or competitive with thin women. If they're naturally that way, then that's one thing, but if they're depriving themselves and devoting hours to working out (and let's face it, a lot of us don't like working out, and that's perfectly fine! I never enjoyed gym growing up, and that was before I developed my issues), then chances are, they're not truly happy, and we shouldn't envy them.

Hope that helps, sweetheart. Remember, you are not alone! And we are all here for each other :)

XOXO Carrie

PS I had to stop going for lunch with my friends/coworkers, because I was afraid they will judge what I eat (and not realize that I'm eating a salad to make up for my binge the previous night) or that I will get scared off by their diet talk or food :(

PPS "i get abit angry and like "why aren't you hungry?"" Sorry i had to quote that because I'm the same way!!! I also get annoyed when people skip meals or tell me that they "haven't eaten all day" or "didn't have time to eat". But I guess that's an understandable reaction since we're all so preoccupied with food, whereas others are not. '

I think it's safe to say that the majority of us have an obsession with what other people are eating, and it feels good to know I'm not the only one.
I'm so jealous of normal eaters. It drives me crazy.

I always noice what my family eats. My brothers and mum are so thin and eat whatever they want with absolutely no emotional attachment. I try not to say anything because if I do I get told I'm a hypocrite and they make me feel like shit. Crazily enough I'm actually studyng nutrition and dietetics but my mum tells me I'll suck at it because my own eating habits are so screwed up. I wonder why I lack confidence?

I go from one extreme to the other perfect restrictive eating to out of control binging. It sucks and ends in purging. My family are naturally athletic, my brothers surf and although my mum doesn't exercise the way she used to she is a natural when it come to distance running and also a great tennis player. I exercise obsessively but I shy away from anything team orientated because I'm terrified of letting people down. Its just me and my heartrate monitor.

I find I know calorie amounts so well I count the calories on other peoples plates in my head. Wish I could be normal but I've realised I let the ED define who I am. Almost like I can't live without it...... really blows!

If we are sooo good at keeping our bulimia a secret then maybe others around you have the same/similar problem and have their own secret?

I to can't stand it when people crunch and lick and slurp there food I literally want to smack them one.

oooo how violent of me,.

Good blog whoever started it.

M

I f**king hate noisy eaters, or people who hold their knives like surgeons, or eat with their mouths open, or talk while they're eating... I hate the way even my best friend eats. But I have to bury my fury.

You know, there is a whole page on this somewhere on this site, you know, comments and stuff, but I forget where... sorry if this is a repetition. I'm just sticking in my two cents.

I always think to myself, "If she eats that, it's okay for me to eat that." I always do that. Sometimes I even ask my friends to eat something before I do.

I compare how much I eat to those around me, as well as body image and whatnot too. It's kind of natural human competition, wanting to be "better" than those around you.. or at least that what I figured it was. In order to prevent this obsession from controlling my life, everytime I began comparing myself to someone else I would put a halt to my thoughts and focus on something else. I keep thinking that everyone has there unhealthy moments and imperfections and that I am happy as I am, and I shouldn't need to constantly prove it to myself. Eventually your own body will let you know how much food it needs, but as a guideline follow the mypyramid.gov food recommendations.

omg this strikes so close to home. I am constantly comparing what I eat to other people. It drives me crazy. if I eat a lot for a meal and my roommate doesn't off I go to purge. The worst is when I hear someone say "I haven't eaten anything all day", suddnely panic hits me and I start thinking I have a problem for eating food, then I feel horrible and depressed then i B/P. I need to just stop noticing what other people eat or don't eat and just listen to my own body. Recovery is SO harddddd. urgh how do I break this habit?

I have been in recovery for quite some time now, but there are still missing links to me being a normal eater. I can't eat a lot in front of people, I can NEVER eat if other people around me aren't eating, I make my boyfriend eat, even if I'm the one who is hungry, and I don't keep food in my apartment. I'm so scared that my bf will see an empty container in the trash and think I ate too much! In reality, he's the one who always checks to see if I have eaten lately. I always make sure he eats more than me if we eat together.

Some ways I have gotten better about this:
I do eat luch at work, and not always salads (but that's my usual)
I speak up if I'm hungry and ask others if they are hungry too
-before I couldn't do that, I would wait for others to say they were hungry
I eat dinner with my friends if we all go for drinks & dinner
- I used to make some excuse not to eat each time

Acknowledging that I still struggle with this is important, otherwise I won't work on improving it. Thanks for posting this topic!

I've been struggling mightily with my workouts and my coworkers. I don't like it when they come with me to the gym and do the same, or god forbid, more classes than I. One of my coworkers who I feel very threatened by (but we are very friendly, no animosity or anything on her end, it's totally in my head) started going to my classes and this morning told me she did a really demanding workout at 8AM and I nearly binged right then and there. It's so bizarre! Why the hell do I care what other people eat/exercise like? Is there only a certain amount of "skinny" in the world and they're taking it from me (even though I am not skinny, but you know what I mean)? Why do I feel the need to compare and despair constantly and torture myself? Don't I want my friends to stay healthy and happy? WHat the hell is wrong with me? It's so embarrassing, and they probably have no idea it puts me through this much turmoil.

omg i do that as well, im always checking what my friends eat and my family! I think i will try to not obsess though because its not nice for them and it makes me feel like crap. Everyones different so i am just going to do what makes me trully happy and try to listen to my body and ignore the bullimic thoughts as they are no good. Id rather be heavier than purge. . , i just hate it when i relapse and feel so mad and selfish and guilty but i know one day i will get completly better . .

I work in a restaurant and when a woman orders something that is overwhelmingly fatty, I always see how much she eats and look at her size and such. I can't help it. That's what we do. Obsess about food, so that would make sense.

Yah, sometimes when i see people who eat loads, or eat seomthing fatty, i just get really disgusted and wonder how the can eat it?
I feel bad that i do it, like why should i care what the eat, but it's just something which i've gotten into, as i worry or think so much about what i eat.

xox

I can't believe how many people have obsessive thoughts about what other people eat... I just hate the fact that so much of my concentration at family meals, or going out with friends are spent knowing who ate the most slices of pizza etc...
It's like this awful mixture between really judging people for eating unhealthy things and getting this feeling of superiority for not eating the crap they do... and then feeling so unbelievably jealous that they do not seem to worry about what they eat, and can concentrating on doing other things instead.
One huge trigger for me is when people say they haven't eaten for ages too. Especially when my housemates don't have breakfast (because I'm so hungry I need breakfast as soon as a jump out of bed), because it just reminds me of how obsessed with food I am it's the first thing I think of and do when I get up.
I've only been like this for the last year, but I can't remember not thinking like this...
I'm really looking forward to being able to enjoy eating with other people :)

wow.. I have an ED...

I hate it when people ask me why I eat so little (Wish I could tell them that it's because if anything else goes down my throat it's gonna come right back up)

I hate it when people eat in slightly places (Like the office) eurgh...drives me crazy!! Apples are the worse.

I love it when other people eat lots or bring a massive lunch..makes me feel better about myself..

Still haven't found a way to get round all the negative thoughts though...

I hate to admit it, but when I'm not in a binge purge cycle I feel so superior. I am the model of health, I think to myself. I look in the cupboards with pride. I try not keep binge foods in the house.

I live with two other ladies and we each have a row. My row is full of natural unprocessed foods, while their's is full of canned and boxed crap. I know it's silly, and I feel bad for judging when I have such a unhealthy relationship with food. All I can think is how can you eat that and keep it down? Yuck!

i do this with my boyfriend alot :/

today actually i made him breakfast and i made him an omelette using egg yolk and all with full fat american cheese and broccli. i ate a bowl of kashi golean cereal and a cup of coffee.

it made me feel better because i knew he ate worse than i did. which is terrible because hes the love of my life. granted hes a drummer and gets more excersize from that than i do in a day and his beer gut is my favorite thing about him but im worried that later on in life his health could be in jeopardy just because i had to feel better about eating.

i try to rationalize it with "oh im just using ingredients that he bought" or "theres no history of heart disease in HIS family as there is in mine" but even so the underlying truth is im using the sweet act of cooking him breakfast as a negative tool to feel better about myself.

the last 2 days hes been sick and not eating so ive been eating in secret which is terrible. i dont know how to overcome this. hes the only person i want to look pretty for and although he tells me id look hotter with some extra poundage i still want to lose five.

if he cooks for me im BAD! i loom over his shoulder and say "oh no not that". i even went back to being vegetarian just so hed stop cooking fatty meat and pressuring me to eat it.

yes i do obsessed with what other people eat.theres a girl at my work who is so thin she looks anorexic but shes not.she eats loads and doesnt put an inch on.

I am always watching what people around me are eating and because of this i get into this panicking mode, i always think in the back of my mind "i hope they dont ask me try what they are having." It is a trigger of mine to have someone offer me food, so i try to avoid it. Also i have recently found that my best friend is almost forcing me to eat whenever i am with her. we have always been the same weight and when she notices/mentions that i am losing weight, she always ends the conversation with asking to make me food, and then she doesnt eat what she makes herself. its frustrating because i always say sure to her offer and then i end up purging. i have been avoiding hanging out with her, it sucks.

yes i do this too, and also can NOT eat if im the only one eating. i would loveee to get over this. i also made a post about a year ago that kind of relates, i'll repost here.

"feeling other peoples feelings for them when i cant even feel my own?

im not eating a lot today but my MOM is eating a lot and a lot of junk food. its making me feel very anxoius even though im not doing it... like.. i feel like she feels anxious and thats why shes eating and so i feel anxious for her. even though shes probably just bored because she has the day off from work.

is this weird? probly."

with this, i notice when people display habits of constant eating including constant eating of "junk" when it is not normal for them. i guess what you'd call a super-ultra-mini-binge. lol, since theyre not comparable to ours, but i still find it interesting. i start to analyze their feelings, and each time that i can remember, the person has been depressed/sad, or have shown feelings of unhappiness with their body prior to the eating, especially that same time.

Yep i do this too. I hate eating in front of people, if i do im always obsessed with how much there eating and hate it if someone eats less than me or says they arnt hungry so skip their meal. Theres a few people i am ok with eating more around, like my mum, but if im down about something and end up binging i hate people being in the kitchen and get reli funny about wanting to be left alone... usually end up making excuses that i need it quiet to do college work but then put the work off by eating. Also recently my sister has put quite a bit of weight on as she used to be stick thin and is more in normal range now (which is good) but i keep finding myself thinkin how disgusting this is and that i dont want that to happen to me... its so silly i dont understand it. She isnt fat and is very pretty yet im still obsessed with weight and how people look, how they could look better if only they lost some weight.. eurgh. x

I hate eating infrount of others yet feel guilty if i eat alone. When I do eat around others, i will only do so if they r eating to ant then I have to eat less than them, slower than them and healthier than them. I cant help but annalyse and critisise what others eat in me head. If someone eats a cake i cant help but think how discusting that is yet I sort of admire them for eating it and kind of like it. Sounds so weird i know but tha just how it is, whish it wasnt. x

do this too... jeeze. :/ didn't even think about it before now. lol

What stresses me out is if I'm like "oh let's go for a cake and a coffee" and a friend says "ew no, I'm on a diet."

Because I am constantly trying to lose weight, but I know that everything in moderation and sensible portions is fine

So then I'm made to feel like the fatty.

I wish I had friends who just ate and ate and didn't care.

The friend leaving food or being "not hungry" is the most infuriating though.