Pregnant and B/Ping

mina10's picture
mina10
today i made a big step forward and got an appointment with a clinical psychologist (she is also a therapy dog trainer and her dog will be in the session so that should be very calming)....yeah me :)
User offline. Last seen 15 weeks 2 days ago. Offline
Joined: 3 Dec 2009

I've struggled with this ED for 17 years. I'm 32 years old. I haven't told anyone about it. My mom confronted me during year 1 but I covered it up. I've had a few years where I've been good and many years where I only B/P once or twice a month.

Now I'm out of control. B/P once or twice a day, about 5 days a week. To make matters MUCH worse, I'm three months pregnant.

I don't have many friends and outlets so I'm stuck with a house full of food every day (that if need be, I can restock at any point).

Can anyone relate? I'm desperate for someone to check in with once a day. I'm afraid I'm killing my unborn child or that this baby is going to have severe health problems. I just can't seem to stop.

Thanks for any words...
M

emmalouise's picture
emmalouise
Feeling hopeful and capable
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Joined: 27 Nov 2009
Hi M. You poor thing it must

Hi M.
You poor thing it must be so hard for you. I don't know about the medical effects of binge and purging while pregnant,if any,but I think you should come onto this website as an outlet when you feel most likely to binge.
Have you ever went to your doctor about it to get diagnosed?Or thought about some therapy sessions once a week or so?Cognitive behavioral therapy is really good for understanding the behaviors becoming aware and then tackling them.The tools are great on this site aswell and are a really good distraction sometimes when its hard to control the urge.
I hope you feel better and can find strength.xx

*EmmaLouise*

mina10's picture
mina10
today i made a big step forward and got an appointment with a clinical psychologist (she is also a therapy dog trainer and her dog will be in the session so that should be very calming)....yeah me :)
User offline. Last seen 15 weeks 2 days ago. Offline
Joined: 3 Dec 2009
Thanks EmmaLouise. I will

Thanks EmmaLouise. I will come here every day for support. Today is Day 1 of my life.

Miss H's picture
Miss H
tired.
User offline. Last seen 3 days 3 hours ago. Offline
Joined: 20 Sep 2009
hello

I just wanted to say hi and welcome to this site. I think that there can be effects of bulimia on pregnancy, such as miscarriage and prematurity, but whatever you do don't let yourself feel guilty about how things have been in the past. As you said, today is day 1 of your life. If you try and get better or just improve then that can help.
There is always someone on this website who you can message if you are having a difficult time and we are all here to help support each other.
Good luck. Try and stay positive and get through today!
Hannah

emmalouise's picture
emmalouise
Feeling hopeful and capable
User offline. Last seen 2 weeks 2 days ago. Offline
Joined: 27 Nov 2009
Good luck

Yea..you are here and thats a massive step.Good luck mina.Im here if you need to talk.x

*EmmaLouise*

mina10's picture
mina10
today i made a big step forward and got an appointment with a clinical psychologist (she is also a therapy dog trainer and her dog will be in the session so that should be very calming)....yeah me :)
User offline. Last seen 15 weeks 2 days ago. Offline
Joined: 3 Dec 2009
Thanks everyone. I'm getting

Thanks everyone. I'm getting stronger hour by hour. Almost through Day 1.

Good luck in your recovery,
Mina

punkrocklibrarian's picture
punkrocklibrarian
Don't "wish". Just "choose".
User offline. Last seen 16 min 13 sec ago. Offline
Joined: 28 Nov 2009
Hey lady, how are you? Hope

Hey lady, how are you?

Hope you're doing well and being kind to yourself. Have you been to see a doctor about your bulimia and how it might affect your pregnancy and what you can do about it and how they can help? It's really important you at least speak to someone.

Best of luck!
x

~Solidarity is strength~

emmalouise's picture
emmalouise
Feeling hopeful and capable
User offline. Last seen 2 weeks 2 days ago. Offline
Joined: 27 Nov 2009
Hi Mina, Yea take it hour by

Hi Mina,
Yea take it hour by hour..you will get there.I find the food journal really helpful.It lets you see your eating habits clearly in front of you.And makes you really mindfull about what,when and why you eat during the day.
Good luck .x

*EmmaLouise*

mina10's picture
mina10
today i made a big step forward and got an appointment with a clinical psychologist (she is also a therapy dog trainer and her dog will be in the session so that should be very calming)....yeah me :)
User offline. Last seen 15 weeks 2 days ago. Offline
Joined: 3 Dec 2009
Day 2 - and I struggled here

Day 2 - and I struggled here the last hour or so, but I'm feeling good knowing I'm not harming this little bean. So I ate a very big meal for dinner tonight. It happens to everyone. (must keep telling myself this)

No, I haven't told my doctor or anyone about my ED. I'm so ashamed but thinking I should tell someone.

My goal is to get through 3 weeks B/P free which is right around Christmas. I've never made it this long in the past year and a half or more. I'm hoping this will set me up for going this whole pregnancy without an incident.

Doing it for the bean (and me),
Mina

drross's picture
drross
is okay. :-)
User offline. Last seen 25 weeks 5 days ago. Offline
Joined: 9 Mar 2009
I want you to know that this

I want you to know that this is a surprisingly common way that many women are able to stop bulimic behavior. Many women begin to realize the impact their eating disorder has on their unborn child, and they are able to stop out of the blue because of it.

Your baby is a blessing in many ways. And one not-so-obvious way is that this pregnancy might get you to stop your bulimic behavior for good. This is a beautiful situation in some many ways...

And good for you for eating a big dinner. Even if it was a big, big dinner. You and your baby need the nutrition.

mina10's picture
mina10
today i made a big step forward and got an appointment with a clinical psychologist (she is also a therapy dog trainer and her dog will be in the session so that should be very calming)....yeah me :)
User offline. Last seen 15 weeks 2 days ago. Offline
Joined: 3 Dec 2009
Thanks everyone. I'm hoping

Thanks everyone. I'm hoping this will have a huge impact on my eating disorder and finally be able to put this thing to rest for good.

Day 4!!

Miss H's picture
Miss H
tired.
User offline. Last seen 3 days 3 hours ago. Offline
Joined: 20 Sep 2009
That's really great. 4 days

That's really great. 4 days is good. If you look back at your first post, you said 5 days a week, so 4 days is a fabulous improvement. Hopefully things will stay on track. Don't worry if you struggle, we're all here if you need to have a rant about it.
Hannah

emmalouise's picture
emmalouise
Feeling hopeful and capable
User offline. Last seen 2 weeks 2 days ago. Offline
Joined: 27 Nov 2009
Such an achievement!

well done! this is so good, you have showed yourself now that you can do it..How are you feeling? x

*EmmaLouise*

mina10's picture
mina10
today i made a big step forward and got an appointment with a clinical psychologist (she is also a therapy dog trainer and her dog will be in the session so that should be very calming)....yeah me :)
User offline. Last seen 15 weeks 2 days ago. Offline
Joined: 3 Dec 2009
Awesome idea. I am

Awesome idea. I am definitely getting a small toy and keeping it in the bathroom. Maybe on the back of the toilet next to kleenex....

So Monday night I had a very bad night and had to start with day 0 on Tuesday morning. I know it is already Wednesday but I'm feeling great and gave baby a name (Sam). This more than likely is not the name I will keep, but it helps me to realize this baby is coming and not a figment of my imagination (if you aren't showing and don't get morning sickness than it's kind of hard).

Thanks again for the support. Just knowing I have you guys to check in with now and again is fabulous!!!

I'm off to find a corner of my hotel (I'm on a business trip) to do some yoga/meditation. It reallys seems to help and I'd suggest it for anyone with an eating disorder.

Have a good night all,
Mina

punkrocklibrarian's picture
punkrocklibrarian
Don't "wish". Just "choose".
User offline. Last seen 16 min 13 sec ago. Offline
Joined: 28 Nov 2009
Good night to you too - good

Good night to you too - good luck! Sorry to hear about Monday but don't see it as setting you back to zero because that's like saying all your efforts are for nothing which just isn't the case. You're doing really well and you must know that! Best wishes to you and Sam the Bean! x

~Solidarity is strength~

mandyway88's picture
mandyway88
floating along...
User offline. Last seen 3 days 23 hours ago. Offline
Joined: 5 Aug 2009
I feel you...

Hey. I am also nearly 3 months pregnant and struggling. It took me so long to reach out to get professional help and I felt like telling my doctor was one of the hardest things in the world to do, but I am so happy I did because he was able to allay some of my fears and refer me to a center that could provide me with help.

Anyways it's inspiring to see that you are putting so much effort in trying to take care of your baby. It's so hard to be pregnant and have an eating disorder so I'm here anytime u want to chat.

Mandy

amyjo10's picture
amyjo10
does not have a status.
User offline. Last seen 13 weeks 22 hours ago. Offline
Joined: 27 Apr 2010
Hi Mina, I want you to know

Hi Mina,

I want you to know I'm so proud of you taking the first step. Here's my advice: You absolutely have to tell the people that are in your life. They will make you accountable. Yes, it will be so hard, but they will be the biggest resource you have. You must stop purging now. Today. How? By recognizing that you have been given a gift and you are solely responsible for this child. That puts a lot of pressure on you, but only if you let your attitude be a negative one. You have to embrace this role. Embrace that fact that God has chosen you to care for someone else. You will not crack under the pressure if you change your attitude, refuse to feel sorry for yourself, and let your family help you.

I know this is a very direct and possibly harsh way of putting things, but the only way I got over my bulimia was by taking full responsibility for my actions and accepting the fact that I had control over my actions, and I could choose positive actions or negative ones.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! You're doing what was meant for you! You're amazing! You can beat this!

Amy

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Richy's Recovery Tips

You need to broaden your diet and stop thinking of certain foods as ‘binge’ foods hence forbidden. Eating small amounts of your ‘binge’ foods will not make you gain weight.

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