Bulimia Help

I purge normal meals too. Especially if i am anxious- because food in my stomach makes me feel more anxious. The type of food has a lot to do with it. For example, if i eat bread, I feel like if i digest it, it will make me blow up. Although, I'll eat a salad and purge.

Im not sure really what to do. I suppose, my strategy is staying away from "bad" food, and eating "safe" food. However, I am having a hard time with this, because one of the safe foods I eat is Shakology- and I cant afford it anymore. So not being able to drink my shakes is messing everything up for me. Im so frustrated, because I rely on it for energy, and now Im rationing my last bag. It sux, because Im hungry, and Ill go to my parents house to eat, and always throw it up. I feel guilty, but i think its better to eat something and throw it up, then not eat anything at all, because Im probably absorbing something. I dunno. Digesting food is not even an option. This is so unhealthy, but I can not function with the anxiety of digestion.

I have this weird need to self destruct. a lot of issue lie beneath it- none worth exploring. I do what works for me- and hopefully- I can switch to something that is more productive.

XX

I used to do this. Purging after every meal, every snack, EVERYTHING but water. Which I used to purge sometimes as well. PLEASE try to break this habit, it has landed me in the hospital for low potassium/dehydration 3 times.

If you can eat something safe after you b/p, like even salad, just SOMETHING.

I tend to purge almost everything - it depends how I feel about it. I can eat one chocolate piece and could go without purging, but a chocolate bar would be too much.
Just like celinabea i get very anxious with something in my body to digest.
In fact I am now. I just had the smallest can of baked beans they make, and yet I am still finding it hard not to purge it.

I guess I try to remind myself that my body needs food, otherwise it will work against what I am trying to achieve anyway. Still it is very hard.

This is my first post - and I have been doing the same thing for a few months now and it IS exhausting! My face in pictures is awful from all the swelling - ugh. I know that my physical appearance should be the least of my worries.
Sometimes I try to take a walk, becuase I have found that it takes about 20 minutes to get the urges to subside. So frustrating. I am a graduate student, and if I could put the time and effort into my work as I do into my eating disorder, I can't even imagine what I could accomplish!
There is no easy solution - but talking about it is a brave first step - you will be healthy & happy :)

ive been doing this all day pretty much, at least when i ate. today been my frist time in months. makes me kinda sad that i took a back step.But I remember throwing up everytime i allowed myself to eat. it was so exhausting, ive recently started up again. and im so drained from it. i just try and go get my mind off of it.

But ive found that music really helps me.
i hope one day we can all look back at all the hurt we've put our bodies in and be able to smile and say we've made it.

take care love

Nay

hello everybody,
i have to tell you that during years of bulimic habits at last i think that that's the lucky time. I have been 3 months or more without binging and purging, eating well and it passed, the feeling has passed away.¡¡¡¡¡¡ i hope this situation will be permanent

Hope for all of you

The more you will eat and not purge, the less you will feel like purging...

I used to be in that cycle where everything I put in my mouth had to eventually come out.

What has been helping my recovery a lot is eating more and more of the foods I like. I thought I'd freakin not fit in my jeans after 2 days, but what do you know, nothing has changed, if anythng I look better after eating nice filling and satisfactory meals.

It's hard at first cause the anxiety curve is off the chart. But the more you do it, the more you realize that YOU DO NOT gain weight or stop fitting in your jeans. The anxiety curve gets flatter and flatter. Until you can eat what you used to consider a bad food without much consideration (for me was anything with chocolate or pasta). I've been eating so much pasta and chocolate since I started my recovery. I used to like cry in my head when I knew I wouldn't purge it, but now I just eat happily. And I am not talking about those 100 calorie packed things, I'm talking the real deal enjoyable chocolate and pasta.

The more you purge, the hungrier you remain and the more you are likely to feel discomfort after eating and residing hunger that triggers the next binge.

During the ages of 18-20 I would just throw up anything and everything. My face was like a balloon. I would but pots of gravy granules and eat that like soup, and sweets and chocolate and biscuits, nothing nutritious. then I was forced to recover temproraily when i had to move out of where i lived. It was hard, but i was motivated enough to sort myself out, eating a wide variety of fruit and veg, i think i still purged from time to time. I looked much better, still skinny though. after aout a year I started getting silly again, still eating healthily but throwing up all the bad stuff I ate. Until last year, I hit rock bottom, had a shit boyfriend, and was really motivated on making a full recovery, i think many years of abuse to my body had taken it out of me, I had a couple of relapses, but its been 14 months of pure recovery now, no sickness, and to be honest I don't even weigh that much more than when I was bulimic. Your metabolism speeds right back up!

I do to! It's driving me crazy! Today I purged twice already and I was soo stuck on only doing it the one time after breakfest. I ate all healthy food just more than I should have.. I have to learn moderation

I purge EVERYTHING, even water.

At any time I eat or drink anything (even a sip of water), I get it into my head that my stomach is poking out and not flat so the only way I can relieve myself is to purge and then it makes me thirsty again. I have a constant raging thirst and drink anything from small sips to litres at a time.

Its not even as though Im fat or that it makes me fat. I just cant cope with the feeling of having anything in my stomach. It purely makes me FEEL fat and its that feeling that drives me. A vicious cycle as it causes the dreaded water retention and puffyness but how do we stop?

Ive tried to fight the urge and talk to myself to instill some logic into myself but nothing seems to work. Ive been like this, purging everything for about 8-9 years.
Its crazy but youre not alone hun xxx

Its so horrible to see everyone in such pain, i remember feeling like that and it sounds harsh but i'm so glad thats not me anymore. I am fine with food now. I know how it feels to not like to have ANYTHING in there. And the worst thing is when you have a binge and then you can't get it back up. and you keep trying by drinking water and throwing it up, but it doesnt happen, the body basically takes the foods it NEEDS and doesnt let it go

Does anyone have this problem that no matter what they eat, you feel this intense fullness. If I am throwing up close to every meal, does that mean that my body is in starvation mode?

Please help.

YES!
intense fullness always triggers a binge/purge

I know I relate. When I was kicking butt in recovery I learned that I could survive without doing this but as I slip I feel more compelled to do this. For me its my stomach sticking out, fear of being fat and I really think I'm addicted to the chemical changes in my body when I purge. The numbing out factor. What has helped me is not giving myself the opportunity to purge as much as it sucks at the time. Recently I got the courage to make a lunch date with my sister. She knows about my ed and is very protective of me. We ate then walked around the mall for a couple hours. She was with me when I went to the restroom and everything. I was irritable and miserable I have to admit but I learned I could survive it and I did gain energy from it! Keep pushing myself to not allow this cycle is what i gotta do. Its all about breaking habit and learning youll survive.

I also used to throw up after everything I ate during a day, and I used to eat all day, so that was about 20 times a day!!
Althoug it wasn't a la minute, but I also intended to just more frequently to the toilets then my friends. There was no food good enough to leave in the stomach, even if i've had fruit I would vomit because I could not stand the feeling of having anything in my stomach..

But now I am learning to accustomize to this feeling. After my dinner yesterday, I had pain in my stomach, because I always vomited like a monster before sleeping. I couldn't bare the thought that food would TURN into fat while i slept.

Well it just happened, because I never got thinner the next morning i woke up. Bulimia is hell, it didn't make me skinnier at all.

Hope you all are doing fine!!

xx

if i eat anything; be it a pretzel, a baby carrot, a strawberry, a chocolate . . ANYTHING, i will throw, or try to throw it up. if it's something really really small, and it doesn't want to come up, i'll drink a bunch of water, move it around in my stomach so it mixes with the food (do a hand stand against a wall and some some other stuff), and then thow it up. usually works that way. i throw up anywhere from 1 - 20 times a day. lately i've been trying so so so hard, and my average is probably about 6. i think i can relate to Scarlet Bones there . . i throw up water too if i have to much during the day because it makes me feel fat.

fuck this noise. it's so sad seeing every one like this . . :( get well you guys! if anyone feels like adding me on here, talking, adding me to facebook (but of course no talk of bulimia on there) or whatever then giv'er shit. i'm always down.

- joanna

Im the same, i cant seem to keep anything down, i feel discusting and so full even after salad. I just dont seem to have any 'safe foods' anymore. I also feel I MUST take laxatives, i cant not, so even if i dont manage to bring everything back up my body still not getting the nurients and it so taking it's tole.

I hate bulimia and b/p so much yet i cant imagine life without it.

Hope your all doing o.k.
xxx