Bulimia Help

i have this same issue having sex with my fiance - when i'm feeling the effects of b/p and just not confident about my body in general, i find myself disgusted at the thought of sex. i feel terrible knowing my fiance worries about the state of that part of our relationship (we have a daughter, so our time to be intimate is limited to begin with!) - i want more than anything to please him and enjoy myself but it seems impossible when i feel the way i do about my body (or am just plain exhausted from b/p). you are lucky to be with someone who does not push the issue - does he know about your ED? i know explaining my thought process to him helps to atleast make him see that my unwillingness isn't about him. best of luck to you!

i read somewhere that even if you are feeling that way you should just do it anyways! it will make you feel better afterwards.

I totally know how you feel. Its gotten to the point where I just don't want to have sex anymore! of course, there are lots and lots of other reasons, but its really hard. I used to just do it anyway, but now I'll freak out in the middle, and people really don't understand.

Sex is a big deal, your sharing your body with another person, and when you hate that body? sometimes it helps because you can learn to appreciate your body because someone else does...but it can also just be really scary. Your so vulnerable. Never have sex when your uncomfortable, its supposed to be a positive experience for you and your partner, and if they can't understand, or live without sex sometimes...thats their issue. Your very lucky your BF doesn't do that to you, don't feel guilty its your body! There are so many other ways to be intimate with your partner, and i don't just mean physically. There are plenty of other things that can make you guys feel connected and good.

sry posted twice and don't know how to delete it...

i know how u feel hardly ever feel like sex cuz i feel like my body is repulsive with strech marks ,and just fat ,big legs ,20 bellys the lot,he says he loves my body but i think how can u ,i even ask to turn the ligths out to have sex sum times its horrible cuz he has a high sex drive its unfair on him,but what can i do, bulimia is controlin all my life in every way its mental tourture,its a sad and lonely adiction ,but this site is amazing all u ppl on here are such a confidence boost xx

Sexercize! Does a body Good!

I usually feel much better afterwards. If my body can make myself and someone I love happy through what it can do and what it feels like, rather than what it looks like in the mirror, it is very life-affirming. But it's terrifying too, I keep thinking he's looking at me and judging. Then I remember, hey, he's getting laid.

If I have been binging or have gained weight (it is one of those two 98% of the time) I feel totally repulsed with myself. The sensation of someone touching my skin and drawing my attention to my body makes me just want to curl up in to a ball.

Having a boyfriend who is good to you during a rough time like this is so important, and yet, the disorder makes it harder for you to appreciate what you really have. There are so many times I have sex for him, but he can always see that I am totally disgusted with myself and it turns him off.

Complicated times!

My partner has been really sick with liver problems for the past 2 years and he is only starting to recover...due to all the medication he was on he lost his sex drive.

This has made me even more insecure about myself (and bulimia got way worse) as he hasnt been interested in me. We had a mad sex life before he got sick and now i am begging for it even if i feel uncomfortable! It makes you lose so much confidence when they dont want you so think of it that way instead-least your partners/boyfriends find you attractive and want to rip your clothes off!

Cant wait to the day my boy has his drive back....

I've turned asexual because of my eating disorder and I'm sure I'm not alone on that one.

Just go for the sex! If we wait until that magical day when we feel secure about our bodies, that day may never come and we'll never experience intimacy. I can remember being anorexic, stick thin and having sex thinking I should be skinnier for my partner. Now I understand that I've gained weight for my health (and from bulimia) and if he wishes I were skinnier, he should go find someone else!
The reality is that sex makes you feel good, bulimia makes you feel bad. Its that bulimic voice we're trying to squash that says you're too fat or bloated for sex. Don't listen to it! Enjoy your life- or at least try as hard as you can!!

I agree with a lot of other people on here. It is so understandable that you feel the way that you do. I went through a phase where I didn't want sex at all because I felt so uncomfortable with my body - the idea of being with someone else NAKED was unimaginable. Those feelings even made my ED worse-and pushed me further into the behavior.

And, most men don't like stick thin girls - they like girls with a body.

Be easy and gentle with yourself - its a wonderful and beautiful thing to have someone that loves you - and is obviously attracted to your body.

Recently I have found that the just do it approach is working for me . . . I by no means have no issues with it, but I am enjoying it more . . . and not having to have 'talks' about sex is really nice!

I have often found that even if I don't want sex, my b/f and I can be intimate in other ways. Cuddling, kissing or simply touching can be just as effective without going the whole way.

i sometimes am so bloated that the last thing i want to do is have sex, but then i do it anyways, and i ALWAYS feel better afterwords. if you have sex in the right way for you, it is an amazing release, even if you dont orgasm. sex puts my problems in perspective somehow.

another thing, do not do it unless its with someone who lvoes you!! i CANNOT stress this enough. ive done both. the guy who didnt love me made me feel like shit and always want to diet. the guy who loves me thinks i am the most precious thing in the world. he loves my body even though i have gained about 5 pounds since stopping bulimia. my weight hasnt settled yet (i hope! haha) but he still loves my body. sometimes i am so ashamed of it, especially because he is so thin, but i think that men like womens bodies because they are soft, not hard like theirs. i spent most of my life so far trying to have such a hard, fat free body, only to find out that men like women who look like women. and i dont mean super curvy only! im not that curvy. my waist isnt very defined but im thin. now that ive stopped exercising constantly im more womanly and soft and happy. and i dont notice the 5 pounds because its settled in natural places like my hips or boobs, which is so much better than being super skinny with a big bloated belly.

I agree with wormyeyelid. Ok, I'm still young, but my ED developed when everyone else was growing up, so to speak. So from the very end of being 15 through to now... I'm 20.

It's kind of weird though, because I used to be so thankful that I wasn't interested in sex. For me, anorexia was about being minimal, pure, and childlike, even though I originally wanted to lose weight so I might look more like the "common modern feminine ideal" (I'm trying not to use trigger words)and thus be more attractive to boys. Very superficial, I know. There are other reasons, but as far as sex is concerned, well, it's all to do with not feeling like a lump in front of boys.

So no food = no normal teenage sex drive. Oddly enough though, I find that since I've been eating more due to binging, despite trying my best to rid my body of the calories, after I purge, I feel kind of sexy... please don't think that's creepy. I just think that it's part of the release of a purge. Ok, so the pain and mental torture of a binge is excrutiating, but it's such a rush in so many ways. We all know about the addictive powers of this disease though.

Anyway, slightly off track. In short, it was anorexia which made me lose all interest in sex, but bulimia has strangely brought it back. Except when I feel fat. It's usually after purging (if I'm not exhausted and feel like I've got rid of most of the crap I've eaten) that I feel... like I want affirmation that my body isn't gross, and that I can be normal in spite of bulimia. So many conflicting thoughts! Anyone else have similar experiences? xx

I can totally relate to all of you. I often feel fat and gross and very unattractive especially during a b/p stage or couple of days. My bf often has to coax me into sex, and of course when I do I always feel better, thing is I knwo he loves me, and when he looks at me, even though I feel disgusting and like "he must be insane for liking this body/person", the look in his eye is only filled with love, admiration and desire, I can't not feel loved, and I know he's not just telling me nice things to get me in bed, he doesn't need to do that.. But he just really loves me.. :-)
But it does bother me that I'm never the one to jump him for sex or make the first move, cause I somewhere in my mind don't think he'll want a yucky, fat girl like me... But I knew he'd like it if I did, I dunno if I see that ever happening.

My issue is that after a b/p and self loathing, I go and do it myself. (if you get my drift) It is just something that I have always done, but I can't ever get myself to have sex with my husband. I guess its kind of the same, but its soemthing about self love and self hate that is intertwined with me.

I avoid it at all costs. My boyfriend isnt a forward kind of guy so it suits me fine. We never get any alone time anyway so that helps me but I always feel like Im odd or that he'll leave me someday. He tends to put up with me....I think. He's not very outspoken so I never know if he wants to anyway.

I HATE my body so much. Ive lost over half my bodyweight since I started my stupid diet so many years ago. This has left me with deflated, saggy boobs, ass and my stomach is the thing I hate the most. I hate having to show him my ribs, spine and no ribs and no guy in his right mind would find an anorexic, kids body with jutting bones attractive. Im always so bloated and puffy, tired, cold and depressed, the last thing I want is for him to see me let alone touch me.

I'm so self conscience about my body that I can never have an orgasm from sex. But having sex, at the same time, helps me feel sexy. So it's like win-lose I guess.

Man, this topic hits home. and definetly not in a warm and fuzzies type way... more so because every time I see anything relating to low sex drive, I remember what happened and almost wet myself out of sheer embarrasment" type way.:(

Well the same thing happens to guys..and even though I think guys and girls face like 90% of the same things when struggling (I've literally read on here/talked to people about ED things and felt like they were reading off of some evil transcript of my disordered behavior they borrowed from God, they were so similar, action for action!) But I mean, girls CAN fake it at least.(sadly im sure some do everytime..those girls bfs must feel like total studs :-) Its physically impossible for us to fake it though, obviously. This happened to me twice before. Just the thought of sex disgusted me..and sadly both times this happened was with my gf..I decided to "give it a shot" (absolutely no gross puns intended) and, let me tell you, things didnt work out, and by that I dont mean "my mom said I had to be home for dinner so it didnt work out that night", or anything remotely less shameful. I mean, "it" just didnt work if you catch my drift..which obviously didnt do much good for my fragile ED self esteem, and any notion of masculinity a guy who weighs less than his under weight girlfriend can fool himself into having was dust in the wind. and blown away and drowned for life.Before I personally faced this hardware malfunction in full shame and glory, I thought having this problem pretty much meant you were a eunich. So pathetic at being men that even God was tired of them messing up his name and permantly revoked their manhood, thus rendering them criminally impotant.
sure, back then, and unfortunatly even now(theirs really no reason to hold back after sharing "what happened" with you all) the thought of sex totally grosses me out. and so does any of what leads up to it to be honest. But I still like to have sex, because for me making someone I care about feel good makes me feel good. and in the same regard, not even having the means necessary for the "task at hand" is pretty much like the one of the scariest, most embarassing things that have happened to me.

Im pretty sure its safe to assume that most girls dont want to be with a guy who cant do something like every guy that isnt 70 with a bad prostate can do on command with little to know thought involved.

i've put on weight in the last year. so now i'm a normal weight and have periods and have a sex drive. despite feeling a bit large, i do feel more sexy. actually getting a bit too attached to it. and my boyfriend is used to the anorexically thin/no sex drive Hannah.

I feel so sad for us all. I long for the day where I dont punish myself in this way. I know when all said and done that only I have the power to change tomorrow as corny as it sounds. I know my cure lies with me and only I can stop doing this to myself.

My husband says I am sexy and thin. But I only see a fat lazy unorganized person. This is not the person I want to be. And sex is very hard for me. The pain, will it every go away? This is day one for me.

I love sex so much that I just do it to be loved...sex is like another addiction to me whether a sex drive or not I just do it. There have been times where I felt too ugly and fat to have sex especially with my man right now. He tells me that he doesn't care if I were 500 pounds he would still love because he says he is in love with my soul. I try to take his word on it but it's hard sometimes.

Just know that we're all beautiful women and I believe a REAL woman is a woman of soft curves. I looked at some artwork a while ago of paintings of women and I noticed they were all heavy set/ big women!! Curves and softness both are beautiful. My boyfriend always explains how he loves the softness of a woman and her feminine skin and so forth..sure in hell he wouldn't want to be a sack of bones on him.

Sex is challenging when having an ED but I believe we will all pull through with it. We just have to believe in ourselves and believe that we are made up of pure beauty to be happy and for men to admire womanhood =].

Before I realized that having sex as much as a was only made it less emotional and beautiful, it made me feel wonderful.. Having sex after I ate made me feel worthy because even though I was full and felt disgusted the guy still embraced me and made me feel beautiful. It was like an ego boost.. Like "hey, I can eat and still be seen as a beautiful girl."