Bulimia Help

Today caused me to fall 10x harder then usual, started off as a regular day, no problems then my fiance came home, and i cant seem to explain how i feel, i miss him so much when hes gone, we text all the time, i count down the hours till hes home, and if you ask me to describe him or if im talking to my friends i sound sooo in love with him, i adore him, hes the most incredible man in the world... but its like the second he comes home this wall comes up and im just.. not as lovey dovey as i was through a text or describing him like i just did for you..when hes home i dont feel so thrilled that hes finally home.. another little challenge im trying to get through and understand about myself.

But about today.. My fiance is the type that needs to be reminded a few times.. guy thing.. youd think id totally be use to it.. today i just FREAKED.. i was so tired of asking him to take the garbage out and to vaccume, little chores that ive been asking to be done for a few days.. this is a constant occuring thing i'll ask (i feel i ask nicley) then i start to get more aggressive.. and then i blow up. and honestly im like a volcano, and just everything falls out there, after this, i binged, purged, and felt more disgusting then the dirt outside.. i feel so low, bad thing about this was the one whos always always always there for me, always loving me through it all, im always the hardest on, I dont know what he sees in me, what there is to love when my little eruptions occur more and more

We worked through it all as we usually do and talked about how we both felt, apolgizing for it all, Just looking at back to the things i was saying after he left so we could both cool down i honestly feel im just such a different person someones the person in my head is saying "what the heck, why would you say/do/consider that" but the connection from that to my my mouth havent been connecting

I just had to get that off my chest

xo.