Bulimia Help

Being REASONABLY obsessed with calories I feel is fine, as logn as you dont revert to bulimic ways. Maybe you should just forget the numbers that make u crazy, and before you cook a meal, imagine it in your mind, and if it sounds healthy enough, eat it until you are comfortable and stop. :) If it sounds and looks healthy in your mental image dont be so hard on yourself! You're doing great!

Thank you! I'll try :D

I honestly believe that counting calories has ruined my life, consumed my thoughts, and enslaved me. I think as intelligent and discerning human beings we can tell just by sight and usually (for those of us who have obsessed over calories especially) estimation if a meal is reasonable portion wise. But its not about that. I do this too, this number fixation I have. The number on the scale, in my jeans, around my waist, on my morning yogurt cup and I have become consumed by it. But why?!!! When did this stuff become so signifigant that it started being able to dictate my everyday activities, my thoughts, behaviors, and happiness? It cannot possibly hold as much value as I think it does. The number on the scale, the toneness of my legs, my jean size, the thin ness of my thighs cannot have the kind of power that I give them...the power to ruin relationships, take hapiness, consume thoughts, and create lies.
My words of encouragement to you are...
Understand that the idea of Beauty the world shoves in our faces is a lie and unattainable.
Beauty is Not:
-a number on a scale
-the toneness of your abs
-your jean size
-your height
-the length of your hair

Beauty is something you become, it is:
-laughter
-love
-friendship
-fun
-experiences
-growth

None of those things can ever be undone by gaining weight, having cellulite, wrinkles, crowsfeet, acne, you name it! That stuff does not have the power to undo years of laughter and love in relationships or undo positive memories, experiences, or talents if it did none of us would survive.
Embrace what your body is telling you, which i am desperatly trying to do. And believe that you are Beautiful, we all are!
Don't let numbers consume you, its a slippery slope!
You are gorgeous!
Let me know how you are doing when you can.

I"m so obsessed with calories too...and I weight myself multiple times a day. I've found that when I can make myself do it...I eat homemade food that I don't know the exact calorie content of..like homemade soups, chicken salad made from fresh chicken instead of canned and mayo that I dont measure out. Sometimes I can even manage to eat a piece of homemade pie simply because I don't know the exact calories, everything else that's store bought that lists the serving size and calories is too hard for me to eat because of the numbers. That's why i actually like going out to eat, because the dishes don't come with a list of numbers attached to them for me to read haha. In the past I would literally account myself for every calorie I ate and when I didn't know how many calories I overestimated by a lot just to make sure, which was bad because I used to only allow myself so little anyways I was getting nowhere near the nutrition I should have been getting.

Nestor, I totally relate to what you just said! I am all about overestimation...but I am trying not to count anymore, and just eat. :/

I totally do all those things mentioned (overestimate,obsses over calories) actually I feel that's what led to binging and purging in the first place.I wouldn't allow myself to eat anything if I didn't know how many calories were in it. Then when I did I figured I ruined the day anyways which led to a binge. Not good. I am trying to move towards eating an appropriate ammount and making the healthiest choices I can.

how on earth do you stop counting? I'm trying so hard to take baby steps like not portion everything out exactly and not checking calories (although i normally already know anyways). Of course ideally I don't want to add up calories at all, but its so hard to get out of the habit of adding them up . . . its so natural, and i know most of the numbers automatically so until i give in and add them up they are lurking in my mind . . . i try to add them up without consciously adding them up . . . haha its ridiculous. I know I can't obtain recovery while I"m still counting, but its so hard and so frustrating because it feels like i will never stop!

I know you have prob heard this a million times, but if you're exercising 1hr30 everyday than your body actually needs more food, and if you can eat several small meals t/o the day, it will actually boost your metabolism and you'll lose weight more than if you obssess over a certain number of calories or eat too little....i know it's hard, i just started counting calories and i am not sure it's a good thing, i find i am def obssessing more and i actually feel more hungry.....i am def just going to go back to small meals and no counting....hope this helped.....good luck......stay strong :)

I obsess over calories to the point where I have to calm myself down whenever my parents try to get me to eat something without a nutrition label.

I've struggled a lot with calorie counting and it's a horrible, debilitating obsession. I don't know how to tell you to break it-- I just had to be really intentional and make a conscious effort NOT to count. I would find myself doing it automatically and I just had to keep telling myself, "No, we're not doing that." and tell myself things that are true and that motivate me for recovery.

One other suggestion is if you're serious about breaking the habit then maybe you could start by intentionally only (or as much as possible) don't have a label and that you don't know the exact amount of. If that's going to make it worse and you're going to end up overestimating and then eat less then it's obviously not a good idea but I think for some people at a certain point this could work. I've never actually done it but I just thought of it and it kind of makes sense.

I too, cannot get out of the habit of counting calories. I used to always add them up on the calculator on my phone, and if I didn't have the phone with me while I was eating, I would freak out and it would lead to a binge. What I'm trying now, and I'm not saying it's necessarily the best thing, is still counting calories but I'm just trying to be way more relaxed about it. For example, no longer overestimating, including the 5 cal in a piece of gum, etc. I have tried to just stop counting altogether, but it has always just lead me to a horrifying binge and back to the cycle. I find that just making a rough estimate of calories per meal makes it much better for me overall, because I still maintain control while not completely obsessing over it. I need at least a rough estimate so I know approximately what is a portion size and when I should stop eating, because the reality is, my stomach has no idea what full or hungry is anymore! Also, I try to eat amongst other people as often as possible, as this keeps me accountable, and instead of counting calories, I watch them eat and stop when they do.

even when i'm really eating well and not restricting, i still count my calories. 2000 is my total and utter max. i know that's a normal amount so in a way it's okay, but i\m still obsessed with making sure i don't go over it. It's especially hard if i have to go out for dinner or drinks as then i have to restrict all morning- which isn't good. or i don't have dinner if i'm going out drinking and then end up getting totally pissed.

i am so totally obsessed by calories. I have a strict allowance which is tiny. altho i usually purge even that. i dont understand how poeple eat food if they dont know exactly what is in it. I figure counting is better than gaining weight

I realize when I don't count my calories, I eat less. Like when I'm with my boyfriend and try to eat "normal" and not so structured and super duper healthy...I add up my calories at the end of the day and it's actually less than when I count and obsesses over the food. I don't know if that made sense. I'm going to try and stop..I'm freakin' overweight anyways and my skinny friends don't count their calories, and they're okay...

Heya - I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. Calories are literally my lifeline & I spend all of my time adding them up over and over again which drives me insane. But like "happygolucky2" I actually eat less when I don't count calories which sounds completely insane but its true. I went on holiday & was majorly panicking that food labels wouldn't be available to me and I would have to "mentally estimate" calories. But it was so wonderful and liberating and I definitely ate less than I normally do - I came home lighter despite eating out for three meals a day! I know its a terrifying thought to let go of it and just freewheel but if you can try loosely estimating at first I think it would help you get there in the end :) x x x

Yes i completely understand this!

I always used to count everything all day. Not just calories in everything (and i'd work those out over and over again, not just once whilst making the meals or cup of tea or whatever) but also my BMI, various body circumference measurements, and... this is the bit where you all start backing away... the number of stairs leading up to the flat i've lived in for years, the number of steps across the room to turn the heating up, the number of times i turn the knob to turn the heating up... and i even count while i fill the kettle or stir my tea or breathe in while i wait for someone to answer the door or weird things like that.

Oops, did i just tell everyone that?

Even more oddly, i hardly count calories, measure or weigh myself, anymore. The OCD (which manifests itself in plenty of other entertaining ways) is still there but i suspect it always will be. No-one's perfect - and it doesn't interfere with my life anywhere near as badly, these days, as the fancy myriad of effects anorexia and bulimia generously shower me with. And actually it can be pretty funny so i don't mind. I'd far rather work on getting thoroughly rid of the eating disorder which is about as funny as a road accident.

Not entirely sure what it was that got me out of counting calories and so on. It's definitely no fun living your life "eating numbers", so to speak, rather than food. It wasn't just that feeling of desperate loneliness - seeing other people eat FOOD.

Weirdly enough i think what did it was going through another bad patch, where i was so depressed and worn out as well as bingeing loads, i could barely throw up, so i put on loads of weight - meaning i'm what people would, rather uncharitably in my opinion, call "normal weight" now.

When you're eating everything in sight and feel like you can't control what goes in or what comes out, pretty much all the time, and when you're not doing THAT you're staring into space or sleeping in your make-up and your clothes or drifting in and out of consciousness wondering if your belly is growing into a separate entity and deserves its own name and possibly even set of human rights yet... well, who really has any spare energy to even check you've still got the right number of fingers and toes, let alone how many fucking calories there are in forty-squillion family-sized quadruple-chocolate shit-me-sideways cakes?

Anyway, what's more important - the number of calories in your piss-and-vinegar sandwich or the number of years left to have some fucking fun on this planet?

Ranting aside, remember that every day's different and some days
(a) you'll be more hungry
(b) you'll be more active
(c) you'll slip up and binge
(d) you'll be fine

But every day's a chance to start again, to NOT try and compensate for past (perceived) 'mistakes' and, most importantly, to forgive yourself and just be who you are.

If you had a beautiful little daughter who ate a few too many biscuits one day, you wouldn't shove six whole packets down her throat to punish her, would you? You wouldn't make her throw them up so she wouldn't put on a pound or two, would you? You wouldn't starve her the next day to force her to 'make up for it' would you? You wouldn't tell her she was fat and useless and greedy and disgusting till she cried and hid in her bed for weeks, would you? So why do it to yourself? You're as wonderful and lovely and have as much character and personality and potential and are a brilliant friend and daughter and EVERYTHING, as everyone else - YOU aren't a number, so don't live your fucking life like one!

Shit, i'd promised myself this wasn't going to turn into a rant.

xx

I am and still have trouble w/ being too obsessed w/ calorie coutning, its gotten to the point though that I can roughly look at any meal I have and menally count out the calories, same w/ things in the store, I know almost the calorie count on so many things, it drives me nuts, and I'm slowly trying to break, like one of you mentioned, by eating more things, that I will have no idea of the calorie count, also traveling abroad, was a big challenge for me, as it helped break some of my dependence on calories

Maybe you could try something i used to do. Just once a week perhaps?

Go to a cafe and buy something for lunch, of which you can't possibly know the calorie content. Something that ISN'T low fat or low calorie or any kind of diet food, that the person behind the counter will serve you so you can't look it up on the packet or the internet!

Just something simple like a baked potato with houmous or guacamole in it, or curry and rice, that sort of thing. Something straight off the menu - not something you've asked for "without this" or "without that" and so on, like i'm sure you usually do!

Try and do it more often - it may not be cheap, buying your lunch, but it's far cheaper than a fucking binge, right? - then try and do it yourself at home.

(I certainly do... but i'm constantly trying REALLY hard not to.)

Whats been working for me lately is picking. When I am eating by myself, I set the pots and such with rice and chicken in front of me and eat straight out of it. I know it doesn't sound like the most civilized thing in the world, but it helps me gauge when to stop by how full I am and not by how many calories were on my plate.
At the end of the day, if I feel like I need to calculate my calories (which I havent been having the urge to do a lot lately, OMG *fingers crossed so hard*), I feel like I wont really know anyway because I didn't see how much exactly I ate and eventually I learn to trust my body more.
Now when I eat at restaurants I dont even mentally calculate.

My big achievement was when last night, I was having dinner with my boyfriend and I told myself I will try and be normal this time and took out the servings of the foods I wanted and ate on my plate. It felt very liberating and I didnt feel like my food had control over me.
I ate what I wanted, until I was full and felt happy and satisfied afterwards. :)
I really hope all of you will be able to come to this stage at one point too.
Give it time and persistance and your body will win. Food isnt the boss of you.. You are worth more happiness than that

i am obsessed with calorie intake! i just cant get rid of these thougths, i also am obsessed with weight gain, i just hate the thought..i have been obsessed with these things all my life, frankly i dont know how i will be albe to get better if i dont lose this anorexic/bulimic behaviour.

I noticed that some of you exercise a lot and probably don't eat enough to cover the energy your body needs to do that kind of exercise. This could be binge triggering because your body them goes into starvation mode, holding on to every thing you consume and increasing your craving's for food, escpecially glucose. I never used to let myself get above 2000 calories a day. Now I eat 2500-3000 calories a day because I do at least an hour of intensive elliptical every day and some weights twice a week. Of course I've gained about 5 lbs. but now I only binge about once a week and they are getting smaller. I'm at a very healthy weight for my body, my digestive system has begun to work without laxatives and (to be honest) most of that weight gain has been in my chest ;)

Try to have some protein with every meal as well as some produce. Protein and fiber in these helps you feel satisfied longer and the iron and potassium are a necessity for athletes.

I'm totally obsessed with counting calories, like i dont really eat anything with a certain amount of calories. I also try to count the calories or make an estimate of food if there is no GDA on the packet/cover.

It's taken over and ruling my life now, it's awful, if i eat over certain amount i'll defo purge.

I wish i could jsut stop, ive tried it's impossible, it's like burned into my brain to count calories.

X

Grow up. Most people in the world don't have enough to eat, and you actually puke on purpose.

Too stupid to live!

Thank you for your beneficial post, Denny Dwight.
This is a f.cking disease or a mental illness or whatever you call it, and we want to beat it. We hate it too.
What are you doing here if you don't know anything about eating disorders? Posting shit like that was the reason you joined the site? Please go and get a life. Oh, and grow up.