Bulimia Help

Hi Fran,
Ive had some pretty bizarre purges in my time, eating things I would never even crave, because they're just plain wrong....I once ate half a pizza that wasn't fully defrosted....horrendous I know....that was during my darkest times, but I have eaten things that I know are past their sell by date just so I would get a tummy bug and that's just plain messed up, I know it is....but mostly I purge on pasta, chocolate and crisps...the strange thing is I never liked chocolate before I had an E.D, but recently because I know its unhealthy I gorge on it....it's awful!

Congrats on the dentistry, what an achievement!I graduate in 3wks from my degree!

To answer your second question, if the people I loved knew about my b/p, they'd be devastated, they thought I had beaten the anorexia the first time, I've come so close to telling my mum so many times but have just bottled it!

hey fran, im also agree with above comment, like at my core i like to be healthy but sometimes eat junk, but my ED has cuased me to want things i otherwise would not at unusual times, all emotional based. and imbalances from electrolytes make me have odd cravings and then i dont know whats hunger anymore.. anyway i dont want to name triggering foods on here but yea when i get in the zone of a binge its like i could eat anything sugary even if its gross or im not even hungry for it, it gets really bad because its prt of the ED and not controlling/planning and etc. so yea to above!
by the way, i used to be a gum addict. i quit, its not so good for your muscles in the mouth, try listerine strips or something else. seriously. now gum makes me sick to imagine chewing it like i did, its worth quitting.

Have to agree with Dina on the chewing gum front, the chewing gum apparently gets your stomach juices going and sometimes can make u hungry even when you're not!
I find brushing my teeth helps, the clean taste in my mouth sometimes stops me wanting to purge

well i've dug a cookie box out of the trash a time or two-or a dozen times. and i've done the order everything fascinating from every restaurant and be sick thing. done the gum thing. coffee all day long thing. God watches with love and compassion, i believe, and in the end, no one loved you for your figure, but for your heart and its beauty. unconditional love is there all along the way, if we only knew.

I'm horrible with gum! I go thru 4 packs a day of orbit, just cause once the flavor runs out I have to chew on a new one, like every 30 seconds! it's nuts, and people probably look at me a little funny. Actually, I remember before the whole b/p, in college I saw a chick do the same thing, an anorexic you could tell, and I was like wtf?
LoL, now I do the same.
If I'm not b/p or chewing gum or drinking copious amounts of caffeine, then I'm biting my nails or picking the nonexistent pimples of my face.
I've done the half-cooked food bit, too, it's as if I'm in panic mode when b/p.
I'd go to different markets so people wouldn't see the same face buying so many sweets.
Many times I wouldn't have anything in the house, so I'd eat random crap in the cupboard, it didn't matter.
WHat I hated most is doing it over people's houses or stealing people's food from the fridge at work....so embarrassed. I don't think anyone knew, but who knows?

ohh how i start picking my face when i am in sick mode- then when i'm not sick, i don't pick. the random stuff in the cupboard-boiling rice, noodles, whatever. sometimes i think it has nothing to do with flavor of food but the endorphins that flow when you vomit.
speaking of God...i was going thru so much negativity with people, my dogs, business, and life in general 3 weeks ago when i was in the bp spin. the world was coming down on me. i was angry and could not understand why the trash people wouldnt pick up the trash, why my neighbor was so rude, why my producer would not listen to my request, why my rowdy dogs wouldnt obey, why i was getting billed 3 times for the same stuff...blah blah blah
cut to 3 weeks later. i am eating well, nourishing myself, not vomiting (yes, sometimes overeating) doing yoga, hiking, feeling calmer, more optimistic about life, and with more peace. yes, and? the dogs are calm and obedient now. the neighbor smiles. the bills are payed. the trash got picked up. my producer finally complied with my repeated request. the outside aggravations went away. point being, when i am good to myself, so is the world. when i respect myself, it is given by others in return.
when i tear myself apart, my face, or any other part of me, so does the world. i'm getting it, and its a huge reason not to go back to the unfulfilling life of yesterday. more important than weight, looks, whatever-is the importance of self love. we are mirrors to the world at large, connected to others in many ways we don't realize. when i hurt myself i hurt others...and i want to be a source of goodness in this life. and if i'm honest with myself, i know that the love that i have for myself is the source of my own good fortune.

OMG I PICK MY FACE TOOO WHEN IM IN SICK MODE!!!!!!! KACHINA that is crazy!!! lol i feel like i was the only one crazy person, makes pock marks its so gross i hate it, but i get self destructive when im in that mode.. its so bad..wow i can so relate to all you said above.. mygosh wish we had a chat to vent this all out. i also caffeine gum been there.. carrots.. whatever i can "binge' on and feel better somehow, its so terrible, im reading your post again for strength!!!

I am so glad that i admitted to this thing- because- yes- I too do the face picking thing! I am also a complete caffeine addict.

THanks for all the responses.
Fran

This is so strange to find out that all the things I do are what other people do too....there have been days when i've had nothing else but caffeine binges....and the picking....not on my face but nails, cuticles etc...its like im so disgusted with myself for binging/ purging that I want to tear my body apart....such a relief to know that other people have had similar experiences, don't feel so alone now...
Also on the bland tasting food Kachina, I agree, when I binge I start with the good stuff then eat everthing in sight....nice or not!

Lottie

some days i would survive on nothing but coffee and lattes!

i don't pick my face but i do pick my scalp (sounds weird i know), it's so bizarre but i wonder if anyone else does it ??

yea i do that too. its nervous habit.. and it grosses me out even tho i do it sometimes! im addicted to caffeine also. hard to give up..

After developing this eating disorder and when I got to the point where I could start looking at myself and making observations I realized that I would eat food that I dont even like because it, in my mind, is "wrong." Maybe I felt like I was getting away with something? Under normal circumstances, I just dont like deep fried food that much..but in a binge...I could eat it all and then some. I always go back and forth between sweet and salty and fatty foods too, so it's a viscious cycle.

p.s. also addicted to gum, i think i might binge on it somettimes? I can go through a pack in about 10 minutes at times..chew chew chew new piece spit old piece into new wrapper put new piece in before old piece leaves, chew chew chew, i need more to chew..repeat the process.

It's a strange affliction, it's so hard to understand why we do this, how the disorder can make us do such irregular things.

anyone love to chew on ice as if it's something good to eat like food!?!?! I always need something in my mouth to keep me from eating until I give up and binge on food...any other ice eaters here!?!?

Before I did love to chew on ice but my teeth are super super sensative now. I can't stand it!

I have a thing for condiments, like dijon mustard, peanut butter, relish, hot sauce etc. Especially hot sauce, I used to put it on everything I wanted to keep down from celery to crackers to oatmeal. When I was at my lowest weight I would binge on peanut butter, with a spoon and nothing else, I would go through an entire jar in a single day. To this day peanut related products are still my only source of binge food, I'm praying I get bloody sick of peanuts soon. Oh and I remember a year or two back I used to have the most effed up cravings for hot sauce and mustard mixed together with blended carrots and also for pickle brine- not the pickles, just the brine. I know, disgusting. I have no idea what goes on anymore.

I have a gum addiction, too. I feel uneasy sometimes when I'm not chewing it. I pop in a piece whenever I feel I should stop eating or a binge will come on, and sometimes it helps let the urge pass.

I've binged on weird things. Sometimes just buns with condiments like just ketchup, mayonnaise, or barbecue sauce.

I put loads and loads of salt on everything, and I mean loads. I too was totally addicted to gum, then I got braces and now I'm addicted to sugar free mints

its so weird that we all have such odd common habits! i thought i was the only one who picked at non existent zits on my face! i always have a piece of gum in my mouth and im a total coffee/tea addict!even when im eating fine! i wonder what face picking has to do with it??

actually its strange because i opened up this topic just to see if anyone else had the same strange coffee habits as me

i'm from australia and its really cold weather here at the moment and all day long i need to be drinking coffee, i drink a coffee and then a caffeine free coffee and then another coffee to mix it up and i have a Splenda (sweetneer) in each one. I've had about 8-10 today. (But i haven't purged at least). I didn't know this was a bulimia related problem? The thing that worries me most is all the sweetner i've been having, it can't be healthy.

Plus in between my coffees and I have a lot of diet coke, and sugar free cordial.

Also I have a very bad habbit of picking the calluses on my hands and sometimes i pick my feet.

Is it just me? Or does anyone else put mustard on EVERYTHING??? Mustard and carrots, mustard and celery, mustard and cheese, mustard and pretzels with cheese, mustard and soup... You name it! I don't even like mustard that much, but for some reason it makes me feel better when I eat stuff because I know it has nothing in it really. But I really layer that stuff on!

I'm addicted to coffee too, but not nearly as much as mustard I don't think... It's a toss up.

This post is absolutely completely freaky.

I really really thought no one else in the world did the face picking thing. I usually do it in between the b and the p... almost like a way of putting it off...for literally hours. You know when Im through a dark patch because my face is a big bloody mess and gets infected, which makes you feel worse so you stay in the house and eat and do it all over again. I once spent 8 hours in a row in front of the mirror picking... results were not pretty.

I am now going (trying) "clean" for the first time in 10 years...I guess same old story for everyone, you have your really momentously great days and your days that Dante would have probably used in his inferno. The one problem now is when I can't eat, I pick pick pick. Does anyone have a good idea of how to stop this a little?

I just cannot believe that so many people do this. Oh and Amyjohnson, since I've tried to 'get better', I go through about a gallon of sweetner a week. Coffee and sweetner, if anyone ever has a sip by mistake they take a while to recover... so you are not alone on the sweetner front!! And diet coke has always been my worst habit!!

Also since quitting (trying), my gum consumption has gone up to about 8 packets a day sometimes, and my snack of choice is mustard (I find a ton just about does it) and carrots and gallons of coffee!!! This thread is really really creepy.... I guess its more of a standard disease than we think.

And yes I totally get the pickles and brine thing, and the peanut butter. Wow, this is very, very surreal

I would say I would agree with every single post above, completely and entirely!!

Anyway, this topic and all the contributions have given me some much needed comfort on one of the hellish days... thanks guys.

I also pick my face, but didn't think it had any connection until I saw this. What it has done to my face just makes me feel worse about myself. What a mess!!!!

its really interesting reading,isnt it.
so- we are not as wierd and individual as we think right?

Surreal indeed! I feel like I stepped into a room full of me's!

I pick at my body so much, I leave terrible marks all over my body, even sensitive, private areas. Just like Nicky_C, I find myself doing it when I step into the bathroom to purge. It's as strong a compulsion as the purging!

I've done the eating out of the garbage thing. When I worked as a waitress, I would continuously be wrapped up in how to steal food from the kitchen. Whenever over someone's house, whether I knew them or not, I'd find ways to sneak in the kitchen and steal food. My coat pockets are all filled with old crumbs from snatching cookies or bread.

What causes me much distress is binging on meat. This is relatively new, but I've been a vegetarian for about 10 years and I've recently been stuffing myself with meat and then getting rid of it. It's terribly embarrassing stealing my poor father's meaty leftovers.

With normal, "in control" meals, I put ketchup on everything. The thing that I usually order when I eat out is a salad with no dressing, then I put ketchup on it. The entire restaurant thinks I'm nuts!

the mustard thing-been there, done that. with carrots! amazing we share this

I also pick at myself... i dont even realize when im doing it any more but my boy friend always trys to stop me. i also drink obsene amounts of coffee. I dont understand why we pick at our selves or how to stop it.Its obviously a phycological problem. Its wierd because i find it comforting to know that this problem is related to my ED.

That is funny, everyone of us was like OMG I do that too!!! Ha I also pick at my face in between b and p because I'm dreading doing it and I feel like I am putting it off. It got pretty bad so about 5 years ago I started putting on a face mask (one that dries) whenever I start to binge, and then when I got to that bathroom it prevents me from picking, so I don't do it anymore. Sometimes I do pick after I p, but not too often, but then I feel like a monster and don't want to do anything social and that continues the disappointing b/p cycle.

these have been "fun" to read because they resonate so much with me too. i am addicted to sugar free gum, mustard on carrots (hahah done that, i thought i was unique!:P), celery and ketchup, salsa, caffeine freak,...

bulimia has turned us into chaotic consumers and these seem to be our "coping" behaviors. the main thing i see here is that all these little rituals have the same "instant gratification" factor as binging/purging. picking the face is so satisfying, chewing the gum-getting a new burst of flavor every 30 seconds, condiments have really strong flavors and make us feel good because they are so minimal in calories so we just go to town with them, drinking coffee is a comfort because it is a diuretic and calorie-free...

although we feel the guilt and sensations of abnormality deep down for partaking in these practices, we just do it anyway, justifying it by telling ourselves it is better than binging and/or purging on the usual binge foods.

i think that doing these "weird" things is not that much different than partaking in a b/p. (though, perhaps not as detrimental to our bodies) i think we should try to really tune into our thoughts while we are doing these things too...most of them probably qualify as "negative" and should be recorded in our journals and try to be learned from and therefore stopped.

the key to recovery here is "normal" eating, not just stopping the binge/purging cycles and/or replacing them with other chaotic behaviors. i don't want to feel the urge to go through 3 packs of gum in one day, i don't want to drink coffee all day long, i don't want to spend hours on the bathroom counter picking at my face... all these are unhealthy. they stem from bulimia and we need to rid our lives them as well. i think the key to ditching these behaviors is seeing them as just as serious as bulimia, something we need to stop doing just as much as binging and purging. coping behaviors are necessary!! but these are unacceptable "solutions." next time you think about buying gum, making a pot of coffee, etc... tune into what you are thinking. WHY do you want to do/consume this and try to go do something else that you know is "normal" and you can be confident it is truly helping your recovery.

Dose anyone else in here eat the same "safe" foods every day? I eat the same thing every day, frozen dinners (chicken and veggies), sugar free pudding and popcorn, its the only food I can eat that dosent make me sick or depressed or feel like I need to purge. I eat it every day and have for years! If I eat anything else, I go on a crazy b/p.

I'm totally guilty of stealing food from roommates, usually when I was too broke to buy my own. I also would split my shopping trips between different grocery stores so I wouldn't be seen buying so much junk food.

I used to eat an obscene amount of frozen food. Frozen pizza, frozen burritos, frozen cookie dough, frozen breaded chicken breasts, frozen loaves of bread, frozen french fries, frozen waffles... I had zero patience for cooking anything and I think the extra chewiness heightened the munching sensation of the binge, if that makes sense.

I can eat entire jars of peanut butter in one sitting. Just give me a spoon, a jar of pb and perhaps a jar of jelly to go with it, and it would all be gone in less than an hour.

I like to dip food in random things, like (frozen) wheat bread in marinara sauce or olive oil, and oreos in yogurt. It might not sound that weird, but I'd make entire meals out of these things. I also have a big weakness for tortillas... I like to cook them in the microwave for too long so they're tough and chewy. And I really like burnt food. Overcooked toast is the best!

The worst were the things I would eat after I'd been out drinking. I once dug out a piece of pizza and leftover chipotle from the trashcan. Now that is just plain nasty.

OMG! I can so totally relate to the Peanut Butter thing! I would restrict that tho, so I would only eat the expensive Organic stuff, that way it was better in my head! But at $7 a jar, eating 1 jar each sitting, that's a pretty expensive addiction! I am avoiding PB at the moment, cos I don't want a binge-relapse, I don't trust myself around Peanut Butter! I don't eat bread, etc either, so it's just the whole 400g jar with a spoon ... like a normal person would eat yoghurt!
I'm so glad I have found you guys!

I had no idea that what i was doing was a common thing. I pick at my face all the time at "nonexistant" zits. My mom keeps on telling to quit picking, that there's nothing there, but when i am doing it, i swear that there is. And i am soooo addicted to caffeine and it's a really expensive addiction.But i don't go for the coffee, those have calories and carbs. I go for the sugar free energy drinks and usually get 2 16oz cans each time i go get them. It's bad when im home alone for an extensive amount of time, i just buy a four pack of monsters and drink them all in a row. I found out that it takes 4 16 oz cans for me to actually feel the jitters of caffeine and i've probably put down several hundreds of dollars since i've become addicted to them, even stealing money and scrounging up loose change to pay for them. It's just a comfort thing to have caffeine in me.

sorry, computer was being stubborn and posted twice

Hold on...........sugar free mothers exist??! :O

Wow, I just keep reading things that I thought I was the only person to do...
I pick my face too, also between the binge and the purge, and I am sure it is a way of procrastinating.
I have also eaten things I am ashamed of; food past it's use-by date, scraps, food that isn't properly cooked, food from 3 or 4 different take-away shops in one night so no one will know it is all for me.
I find it so bizarre that there is so much more to this than just eating too much and purging... and I love that we are all here to help each other get through it...

I guess this is proving us that it is a behaviral as well as mental illness and we need to do something about both! Therapy alone won't do it just like seeing a nutritionist alone won't do it either!!

Get help everyone, it is the best that happened to me!!

http://graceismyname.wordpress.com/category/recovery/ups/

Reading this was crazy!!
I pick, eat condiments, chew gum, drink coffee, dig food out of the trash, eat half frozen stuff, boil plain rice or anything... so glad to know I'm not alone.
That makes me so happy I could cry!

picking is the big thing with me, I guess it just highlights a preoccupation with food, once I picked out all the raisins out of my flat-mates cereal and put it back. haha then I felt so guilty that I went out and bought a packet of raisins in mixed them back through so he wouldn't notice *blush*

Once a psychologist told me why we are picking our pimples. It is connected with low self esteem and mostly because we want to be perfect. The same thing with pulling out hairs etc.

Corporations every year are robbing us blind! Trust me, I had to give up all addictives substances, like diet crap and all,now I am a little more in tune to my hunger.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftvySdSg458&feature=PlayList&p=9A101FC79E...

I'm so detached by my words. Sometimes I feel like I'm incoherently using "you" instead of "I".

I believe this is the reason we have eating disorders.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfBc-Rla0uI&feature=PlayList&p=9A101FC79E...

So we all have the same habits. It's like I always have to have something in my mouth, I just started doing the gum thing like 3 months ago. I've always had a coffee addiction. I drink it all day and everyday.

I've been trying to do better. I'll take my lunch with me to work. I love apples and yogurt together, I eat it every day!! In the mornings I eat a ton of carrots! I try to find things that don't hurt me weight wise... But then when I get home I blow it.... I get so mad at myself cause I do great during the day.... Then I just eat whatever I can get my hands on. I try to go to different stores for food so people don't see me going in there all the time. I always try to buy healthy things cause I think it's embarrassing when I buy chips and cookies.... so i'll go in a drive thru and act like I'm buying for a bunch of people when actually it's for me. No, telling how much money I spend in food. I just bought a new car so I hope that will help me stay focused cause I can't spend a ton of money on food now, I have a payment.

I really really want to get better.. I want my life back.

Oh yeah. I'm a total gum and condiment girl. I use to LOVE mustard on everything, and fat free italian dressing. When trying to fight off binge urges, I have gone through an entire pack of gum before. Even on days when I don't have huge urges. I'm sure I go through an entire pack. I keep a stock of it in my room, car, and purse. I'm NEVER w/o gum. haha. Also, do you guys ever get worried about the calories in gum? Sometimes, I get worried that chewing so much will make me gain weight. How stupid!

ya, Ive pretty much done everything said in this forum, been there. Done that. It sucks.

wow this is so weird.. we all have very similar obsessions!! im addicted to gum and go through many packets a day.but i find it actually stops me from wanting food!.. very much addicted to caffeine huge mugs of cappacino do the trick!! on bad days ill literally rake through the cupoborards... cook noodles, toast, crumpets, baking cakes and just eating the uncooked mixture and i find myself eating plain icing sugar ew it makes me feel ill just thinking about it!!

I always pick the skin on my fingers which is digusted and am obsessed with plucking leg hairs with tweazers... dont ask lol!

Ahhh its terrible really xxxxx

I really love to pick at random parts of my body, like my shoulders...as weird as that is. Im surprised i dotn have blood disease because I got a blemish on my shoulder a few months ago and Im still picking at it. Just letting it fester. I do it if im not completely happy with myself I guess.

Im not a caffeine addict, i actually love tea a million times more. Plain awesome tea. Maybe you guys should try it? Green or white is lower in caffeine.

Gum keeps my mouth busy during work, my trigger area, and so I like it. U cant fix everything at once and a pack of gum in 4 hours is better than a binge and purge in my opinion.

One Step at a time loves.

Its so crazy! I never thought anyone else had a gum addiction! I always have like 8 packs in my purse all different flavors! & I freeeeakout if I almost swallow it! Because im I'm scared in going to gain weight from it! Sometimes I even freakout over to much WATER! Who does that? That's jus ridiculous! & I totally agree with the peanut butter! I can eat a jar in a hour! I get so mad when my mom buys it, I throw it away & pretend nothing happend!! Haha!
I've come 2 the point where I'm binging on fruit! Does anyone else do that? Ill have like 6 apples, 3 bananas, watermelon, any fruit I can get my hands on. In my mind it feelas safer but there's got 2 be a certain amount u should & shouldn't consume.
Does anyone else have puffy cheek syndrome? Lol! My cheeks look like the doughboy! My friends call me a bobble head now. Not so nice. Lol!

Yet again, this site makes me feel so much better!
I can totally relate to the fruit binge. I'd totally disregard the fact that "healthy" foods wouldn't count as a binge even if I did eat an abnormally large amount at one time. That and vegetables. I'd eat like a whole bag of dole lettuce all at once.
Because I'm still a bit antsy with my carbs, I find myself going on cereal and oatmeal binges like nobody's business. The infamous PB craving comes and goes- guess it's where the moon's at or some crap like that.
And condiments, OMG. It's another thing I'm trying to back off on. Part of recovery is practicing mindfulness and doing things like tasting the food. It's a tough one, because there are flavors we genuinely do enjoy (condiments) but I know for me, there was a lot of masking of the food for comfort's sake. I guess you gotta ask yourself- why am I eating this food if I don't really like it that much and I have to douse it in condiments? I think I've messed by taste buds up a lot from going crazy with salt- I now try to do stuff like pour a bit in my hand and pay attention to how much I'm actually using. It's also good to get in the habit of tasting the food before you put anything on it.
As for the picking thing- it feels so nice to know that there are others that understand! When I was really immersed in my speed phases, it was a million times worse though. I looked like a declining meth addict with all of the huge scabs and sores on my face and body. I'm so glad that I've come out of that! I use the arms length away from the mirror strategy. Chances are when you're as close as you are, you're going to get more anxious about irrelevantly small spots and start picking away.
Again, you girls are awesome and it feels so nice to know that there are others who can relate. xx

ok, so I have laid off of the gum and crystal light. I went cold turkey. I've heard that high amounts of aspartame trick your brain into thinking it will be getting a dose of glucose, which turns into tryptophan and then seratonin. (Once seratonin is released the brain and the rest of the body get the signal that the body has been fed, turning that "full" signal on. When you eat a chocolate bar, this all happens in one big sugar rush and there is too little fibre/protein/good fat to keep that full feeling going, the seratonin stops being produced and your craving more sugar. If you were to chew on a few sticks of gum, or chugg some crystal light/diet soda (or artificial sugar of any sort)your tongue tells your brain that the body will be getting some glucose, which it doesnt...this leaves the brain starving and eventually causes it to pump out a "quick stuff your face!" signal...leading to..yes, a binge. On the other hand, when you eat a nice piece of fruit,say...an apple, the sugar is enclosed in a "fibre packaging" which the body breaks down little by little over time, sending a steady flow of glucose into the blood...which results in a steady release of seratonin...leaving the "i have been fed, and I'm ok without food for a while". Plus, the bulky fibre and water content of the fruit sends it's own "full" signal to the brain. So that is why I only chew up to 2 pieces of gum a day. I still believe that gum satisfies a sweet craving though, say, after a meal, when you really are full and your brain has recieved its fill of glucose. But dont use gum as a substitute if you really are hungry! you are only setting yourself up for a disasterous binge! EAT if you are hungry. I have started using natural sources of sugar (honey, molasses and maple syrup) to sweeten cereal ect. Ever since laying off of the fake sugars I have found that I can control myself WAY easier. Even in allowing myself a couple of cookies or pieces of chocolate, I have found that I only take what I need and thouroughly enjoy it! and its so easy! this has really been working for me the last few days! even indulging in the occasional treat, i not only feel slimmer, i am way happier with myself and life in general. Give it a try you guys!!!
Sorry, I realize this is really off topic, and I'm not trying to lecture you guys...if I offended you in any way sorry! :)

I can kinda relate to the picking thing, except instead of picking at my skin i pull out my eyelashes. I've always done it but only recently I noticed the conection between pulling and b/p. The worse my b/p gets the more I find myself pulling out my eyelashes, in particular between binging and purging, like a stress reliever, a form of self harm and a means of distracting myself from what I'm about to do. Don't know if anyone else has the same problem, but its so strange how we all seem to have our own rituals and obsessions.

not to sound ignorant or anything...i am definitely guilty of the caffeine addiction, gum chewing, and nail biting/picking...but what do they all mean? Like it's so weird that we all do it, so what's the reason?? I feel like I want to know so I can stop doing them - obviously it'd be better if I didn't have these quirky habits right? haha i definitely know it would be nice not to drink an entire 2L of diet coke in a day...guilty of that...

thank god im not the only one. i would eat anything condiment wise from spoonfuls of mayonaise to chunks of butter, ketchup straight from the bottle, spoonfuls of parmesan cheese. on really bad days i buy the zero calorie spray butter and just spray it into my mouth as if it were breath freshner until the ENTIRE thing is gone- EW! i feel gross just thinking about it...

as for the picking, i try to squeeze out the blackheads on my nose... like every day. again, i know its groosssss but its a little addiction. i think when ur trying not to obsess over food u need something else to obsess over, which is why i chew gum CONSTANTLY, or eat candy. i used to eat an entire bag of tootsie pops (16 of them) in two hours when i was anorexic. anything to stop from eating real food. i probably go through a 20 ounce of diet coke every 2 hours, or a cup of coffee or diet juice, all to distract me from eating. oh the peanut butter KILLS me every time. so happy im not hte only one though!

oh what strange things we all have in common. like most of you im addicted to coffee, gum and nail picking i also tweezer my hair alot.

i love hummus and can eat pots of on its own for hours. this one makes me feel a bit ill now but i would make a massive bowl(HUGE) of butter iceing and eat that with a spoon and i love chips and iceing on top and the peanut butter intake is just insane, has to be smooth though. whole blocks of cheese aswell on its own. im talking alot of cheese! and when there wasnt much left spoonfuls of ketchup and mayo together.

im not really doing them now, trying to cut down the strange habbits... apart from nail picking and coffee drinking. slowly does it.

peanut butter, oatmeal, cheese, butter, sugar, mayo, JAM and JELLIES, honey, whipping cream, granola cereal, dried fruit, granola bars, melted chocolate chips with butter and cream, NUTS, and yes- the coffee all day thing, totally got it.

i have eaten food off the floor, off the street, out of the garbage, frozen, half frozen, uncooked, raw meat, outdated dairy, etc.

there is really nothing to pick on my face, so i attack my arms and legs. i have those bumpy arms and can spend hours picking them to death. i pluck any hair i can find- legs, eye brows, arm pits, you name it. i definitely consider it a strange form of self harm.

i used to steal lots of shit from the restaurants i worked at- TONS! my pockets also had cookie crumbs in them at all times.

i would buy a cake and gallons of ice cream and eat it while driving home, hoping the other cars wouldnt notice me pigging out.

my unsuspecting roommate's food that i would always have to replace! or give her money for it and say my dog got into it. one year we couldnt give out halloween candy because i ate it all. and for my friends birthday we didnt have a birthday cake for her because i ate that too...

i worked in food service so anything left over at the end of the day that gets tossed. food that customers left on their plates...

anything that is edible! food thats been in the cupboard for go knows how long. bread with just condiments. things that are half frozen that i just cant wait to finish cooking...

sometimes i would eat in the car right in front of the grocery store or restauraunt i was just in! tubs of ice creams, pies, jars of peanut butter, pizza, cakes, pasta, fries, cookies, pudding. id go through drive thrus and eat while driving even with food all over my face and lap. hoping i wouldnt crash during a binge...

and yes, i've jumped into dumpsters behind grocery stores at night and rummaged. this was also when i was very poor...

im a face picker too! how strange... and i have a severe oral fixation. if its not gum or sugarless candy then something needs to keep my mouth busy or ill binge. id blame my mother for letting me have a pacifier until i was 4, but i know that noone is to blame...

omg i would put mustard on everything!! tune especially, just b/c it didnt have much in it and had some taste. with binging, once i ran out of binge food i would eat food that i didnt even like. like raw uncooked noodles, a pack of enlish muffins pb, jelly and chocolate syrup mixed on a spoon, left over spagetti noodles without anything on them... its sick. i also pick at the bumps on the back of my arms like i get paid for it.

oh! i will also run my fingers through my hair until i find one of those heat dammaged strands thats all kinky and ill pull it out, play with it and hunt some more. it keeps my hands busy so i cant fix food

It's like we all think we're the only ones when our bulimia first starts. But we're secretly becoming a part of a huge club, going through the same awful initiations. This post is like meeting all the members for the first time.

My binge addictions:

peanut butter
bread with any condiment
cereal by the box
ice cream by the tub
and on the picking...I even got a special tool that squeezes it for you. God that's disgusting.

I can definitely agree with the gum and coffee thing. Those addictions prove we want to recover, since they typically distract us from fantasizing about food and binges.