the ultimate wake-up call: caught shoplifting food.

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nikitachikita
nikitachikita's picture
the ultimate wake-up call: caught shoplifting food.

Well, didn't think I'd look at it this way, but Got definitely answers prayers in weird ways...

Today, after 3 months of stealing food from a grocery store on a regular basis, I got caught. Taken into custody, banned from the chain for a year and will be getting a hefty sum of mandatory compensation to pay. THANKFULLY, I wasn't charged. I basically broke down and told the cops when they came that I have neglected to get help for my bulimia. They said that I obviously need to make this a priority and that they knew deep down I AM a good person but it's my responsibility to deal with my demons because already, they've lead me to this. And isn't that the truth.

Tonight was the first real meal I ate without going into with the intention of purging and further b/p-ing afterward. I told my Mom everything, and she knew that things had been piling up and it was time to get serious about it. My body needs rest now and I will post more tomorrow. It feels good to be back. I should have never let go of such a great means of support. Hopefully for those of you that are feeling discouraged, remember that we're all in this together. You've found a place that you can be understood and appreciated for the efforts your making toward your recovery. Love to all and goodnight!

xx

kachina
kachina's picture
well i commend you for being

well i commend you for being honest with those cops and coming back to share the story with us, that takes a lot of courage. you are going to get through this, don't ever give up hope. and know that you are not alone...you will be in my thoughts

kachina
kachina's picture
well i commend you for being

well i commend you for being honest with those cops and coming back to share the story with us, that takes a lot of courage. you are going to get through this, don't ever give up hope. and know that you are not alone...you will be in my thoughts

mandsep
mandsep's picture
Wow, that certainly is a

Wow, that certainly is a wake-up call, you're so brave! Thanks for sharing, keep posting we all want to keep updated on how you're doing!
Hugss xxx

~*-GirlOfTheNorth-*~

caitlin1988
caitlin1988's picture
It's ok, as long as you come back....

Bulimia is definately something very dark in our lives. I'm glad that you were not charged and they are really try to help you with some tough love it sounds like. If you ever need to talk we are all here for ya!

"Wow, look how beautiful I am."

nikitachikita
nikitachikita's picture
Thanks everyone for the support...

Yeah, I was very fortunate considering the fact that I could have had a criminal record over the whole thing.

I struggled this morning though again and ended up b/p-ing. The whole time I was crying and going- WTF!? AFTER WHAT JUST HAPPENED YESTERDAY!? But, last night's meal was a success and I'm just going to have to go on that and keep building. My patience level sucks and the "all or nothing" thinking sabotages me every time. If I can't recover all at once, then to hell with it- so the ED says, but I'm trying to completely rid that way of thinking and do whatever it takes and however long it takes, to fully recover.

ErinKathleen
ErinKathleen's picture
Wow, it is so comforting to

Wow, it is so comforting to know that others have been through this humiliating experience. I began shoplifting about 2 months ago, it was like I allowed a voice that wasn't me to direct my actions, a voice that also drives me to hurt my body through bulimia. I behaved in a way that was so in contrast with my true values and belief that we are all one, that I think to shoplift or binge and purge, we allow an unconscious energy to silence our hearts.

Getting caught shoplifting was beyond humiliating. I felt so ashamed and realized how close I came to truly hurting my life. Thank God, i wasn't charged, but I had to meet with a really hot, young police officer...I felt like a child...a very selfish, foolish one. I pretty much fell apart sobbing, and begging not to be charged. I am not allowed in the store for 1 year, which feels really strange as I have gone there forever. Then, on my way to work, I got a speeding ticket..onthe same day!!! aaaaahhh. Yet, I see how desperately I needed a slap in the face to wake me up, to show me that I need to stop playing the victim and taking responsibility for my actions. I have also amazed myself by getting through a horrible week of deep depression and shame. I am working at forgiving myself and asking for guidance from a power higher than myself. I believe that I am worthy of love and happiness, regardless of the mistakes I have made. The universe has a way of meeting us with what we need (even when it sucks) to see new truths and move forward in recovery.

With love and respect,

Erin

You can not be free of anything you have not loved.

smileyness123
smileyness123's picture
Hope you get better

I hope you're getting better now, and everything's alright.

Good luck!

xox

---

"Just because today is a terrible day doesn't mean that tomorrow wont be the best day of your life. You just gotta get there."

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