Marcy’s Story: "How I recovered after nineteen horrible years..."

I had bulimia for nineteen horrible years. I just turned 40 this year, and sometimes it's so hard for me to imagine that I have spent almost half my life being bulimic. Before recovering, I had never experienced adulthood without bulimia!

I had always been kind of chubby kid. I ate a lot to deal with sadness. I was born with a port wine stain on half my face. Boys didn't like me and I got made fun of a lot as a kid.

Around the time I turned 16, I decided to go on a diet

I lost a considerable amount of weight, and discovered that some people would overlook my face if I wasn't fat. I maintained that weight for several years by restricting my diet and tons of exercise. A few years later, I got married. I was married for ten years and had two daughters.

It was during my first pregnancy that I developed bulimia

I was so intensely hungry, and now realize it was due to the horrible diet I had been on for so long.

But during my pregnancy I gained a ton of weight and my doctor wasn't very sympathetic. I was told I couldn't gain any more weight and that it was ridiculous for me to have gained so much in the first place. So I felt pressured to take control of my weight.

One night I was sooo hungry, so I ate. I actually got nauseous and sick. Somewhere, somehow, it occurred to me that if I threw up every once in a while, it would help keep my weight down and keep my doctor from yelling at me. I didn't even know anything about bulimia- that's something that I wonder about all the time. Where does that idea come from?

In any case, it spiralled out of control

I tried to get it under control as the years went by, but it was a problem that I hid until 1996. I was able to hide it pretty well, and not many people suspected it. Then something happened that totally blew all my control.

Both of my daughters were killed in separate accidents.

My youngest, at three months old, was killed in 96. My oldest was killed in 2001, just shy of her ninth birthday.

As you can imagine, my whole world fell apart. My marriage didn't survive it. By 2002 I found myself divorced and alone and my battle with bulimia became a whole different ball game. I binged on everything. 6-8 times a day. All my money went down the toilet.

My health got very bad, very quickly. I held onto some kind of survival until 2010, can you believe that? I still worked, but all my money after paying rent went to food.

I tried everything I could think of to recover

I've been in therapy, tried online programs, tried OA. I was in the hospital shortly after my oldest daughter passed away and they actually did put me in the eating disorders ward. But even the inpatient CBT didn't stop me.

My kidneys started to shut down and my doctor told me I would need dialysis if my bulimia continued.

 

In any case, I was surfing the net one day and happened upon the Bulimia Help Method. What the heck, I thought. I have tried everything else, let's give this a shot.

 

I frequent some other boards, like somethingfishy.com, and while they are a great board, it somehow saddens me that a lot of the people there are feeling that they will never recover, that it's just a place to try to cope with their ED.

Bulimia Help was different because everyone was so recovery-focused, although

I did NOT expect anything to change me

But then I read The Bulimia Help Method - Wow! For the first time in my life, I was told I am not a mental case! There is something very defeating in being told you have a mental illness. It takes away your confidence in yourself, you just write yourself off as a basket-case. But The Bulimia Help Method told me I was ok!

For the first time I was able to see the connection between that first fateful diet I did way back as a teenager and my battle with bulimia.

Are you serious, I said to myself...my diet caused all this?

As I read through the eBook, it started to sink into my head that maybe, just maybe, it was right. Maybe I COULD recover. Was it truly as simple as feeding my body the correct things, of letting go of my restriction?

I decided to give it a go, to trust the book and give it a chance.

That was last year, 2010.

I sit here now, and I can't believe I have energy. I can't believe my face isn't bloated. I can't believe I am strong!

I thank God EVERY day that I happened to come across BulimiaHelp.Org. It worked when nothing else did.

It is an on-going battle, I'm not going to say there is a magic cure. But the information in The Bulimia Help Method gave me the power and confidence to recover.

I'm amazed at how my body has forgiven me and is healing as time goes on

I have been a member of Bulimia Help for over a year now. I have had tremendous success with it. I truly cannot express how much of a lifesaver the program has been for me.
After years of being told I was mentally ill and that I would never recover, it was a breath of fresh air to find a program that said, no, you CAN recover.

So where does this leave me? I feel the urge to want to share this information with other people struggling with bulimia and I’m hoping to start a support group based around the Bulimia Help Method in the future!

- Marcy Mountain

4 comments

aphextwin
aphextwin's picture
I just cried my eyes out

I just cried my eyes out reading this. Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm so, so sorry you had to deal with all of this on your own. You are a truly strong, remarkable woman, and I'm so inspired by your experience.

S x

chelsi323
chelsi323's picture
this is an incredible

this is an incredible story!
i completely admire your dedication and strength.
I too struggled with being "diagnosed".
Even when I go to my physician, she says I'm in "remission", like this will never go away. And while the thoughts may linger, I have faith that God can heal EVERY illness, mental or physical, and that He can do it completely and thoroughly!
I pray that your recovery continues to go well and that your story will reach many others who need to hear this story of hope!

Chelsi

Saz82
Saz82's picture
Congratulations, I found this

Congratulations, I found this really inspiring, you had been through so much. Thank you for writing this down and letting us know about your recovery story. I just hope I can be and stay as strong as you have. Thank you.

If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian. ~Paul McCartney

Mouli
Mouli's picture
Dear Marcy. Thank you SO much

Dear Marcy. Thank you SO much for sharing your story. I am absolutely shell shocked. I cannot begin to imagine what it must have been like to lose not one but two of your babies. My heart goes out to you. I too have children but have not experienced what you have. I do think on occasions how precious their little lives are. I am so sorry. I read many similar things in your story to my own and I will be 40 next April and i have had enough. This has gone on for over half my life too. It is amazing how we can go through similar situations yet we are so alone sometimes. I am just over a month into my recovery and I had the exact lightbulb moment you had to help me with my recovery. "Was it truly as simple as feeding my body the correct things, of letting go of my restriction" Something hit me too and things have been going pretty well in my recovery so far but reading your story has given me that extra lift. You are truly inspiring, amazing and a remarkable lady. I wish you every bit of goodness you deserve Marcy. Thank you so much for sharing. Take care, m x

Join the BulimiaHelp.org Recovery Program & Support Community. Tell me more

FREE RECOVERY CHECKLIST

A daily checklist to help you stop bingeing and stop purging

Access your Checklist HERE

 

Inspirational Stories

Marcy Mountain

marcy picture"I have been a member of Bulimia Help for over a year now. I have had tremendous success with it. I truly cannot express how much of a lifesaver the program has been for me". 
Read more

Ali Kerr

ali kerr picture"I have never looked back. I have been free from bulimia and all food issues ever since. So now I have to help others do the same!". 
Read more

Ammo

ammo's picture"I cant stop smiling :) I laugh more, at stupid things. You know when your by yourself and think of something stupid... and you cant help but laugh/smile and you feel totally retarded but its so awesome".  Read more

Lola

lolas picture"I would recommend it to anyone and everyone who is suffering from the awful effects of bulimia and believes they deserve a better life". 
Read more

Paul

pauls picture"The first step I took to getting my eating under control was to ensure I was eating regularly throughout the day". 
Read more

Catherine Liberty

catherine picture "I’m writing to you all with the biggest smile on my face - seriously, my face is starting to hurt from all the happiness and excitement. Today is my two year “recovery anniversary". 
Read more

Cassie

cassie picture"In the last few months I feel like I have gained hours of my day and the freedom to just relax and be a fully participating member of my life again!! I had forgotten what it felt like". 
Read more

Stephanie

	Stephanie picture"Instead of having to spend my time whenever I am alone bingeing and purging I do a lot of other things. I paint, play with my dog, go hiking, play basketball". 
Read more

Julie

	Julie picture"It still amazes me that I am no longer bulimic and have been that way for almost 11 months".
 Read more

Kimberly

Kims picture"I learned to love myself again". 
Read more
 

Rochelle

Rochelle picture"I’m in love with my bulimia-free life, and out of love with the binge, especially since purging is no longer an option".
Read more

 


 

 


The information provided in this website is for information purposes only. The information on this website is NOT a substitute for proper diagnosis, treatment or the provision of advice by an appropriate health professional. Please refer to the full disclaimer and copyright. If you do think you might suffer from an eating disorder, it is important that you talk to your General Practitioner, as there are many physical complications that can arise from being at an unhealthily low weight or from losing weight very quickly, or from purging. We advise you to seek professional help with working on an eating disorder.

 

Copyright © BulimiaHelp.org. 2013. All rights reserved.