Why does the thought of weight restoration worry us so much?

punkrocklibrarian's picture

It's a scary, scary prospect, for People Like Us, isn't it? I am talking, of course, about the possibility - and in some cases, for those of us who are underweight, the necessity - of (gulp) Putting On Weight. But why do we feel this way?

Ask yourself in all seriousness: what would be so awful about relinquishing a false sense of control (and all of us here know it's false) and letting your body choose your weight and shape?

Some of my mates with eating disorders have said, "Oh, i don't know what would be bad exactly, but i just FEEL so awful when i'm eating properly and am approximately within the healthy weight range". Really, although i do understand the feeling myself - only too well! - i can't see why we feel awful. How can being physically healthy feel AWFUL? Surely good health should feel, you know, GOOD?

When we're malnourished - and this can of course be the case at any weight - we feel awful. We can't concentrate, we're depressed and demotivated, we are obsessed and preoccupied with thoughts of food and eating.

Our bodies drive us to binge and our guilt or fear drives us to purge, to over-exercise, to endlessly punish ourselves - for what? For trying to not die? Would you punish a good friend or a child in your care for doing the same thing? SO WHY YOURSELF?

You are that good friend, that frightened child. You deserve physical health and mental wellbeing. Love yourself as you would your neighbour! You'd accept friends and others at any weight and shape.

The key to full bulimia recovery is to accept yourself at any weight and shape. Honestly, why does the thought of weight/health restoration worry us so much?

What would be "awful" about being properly nourished, feeling well, being able to concentrate on our studies/work/families, having the strength to run up the stairs or roll in the grass with a puppy or swing a child in the air, or the courage to love unreservedly, or the attention span to understand a complicated science programme or mathematical process, or just learn something new every day?

Do we think others won't accept us, won't perceive us as needy or worthy, won't see how dreadfully-in-pain we are? Is that a very mature attitude towards life? That's no way to live, to help others, to change the world for the better, to enjoy the limited time we have on this mortal coil.

We won't be able to love or laugh or weep, to feel the sun on our faces, the wind in our hair or the ground beneath our feet or walk in the woods when we're dead and gone... so to paraphrase

Phil Ochs, i guess we'll have to do it while we're here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yB-BBVQLnxI

7 comments

JoBlogs
JoBlogs's picture
Thank you for this blog, its

Thank you for this blog, its really struck a cord. I could cry. Its so illogical yet so powerful.

Jo
xxx

ErinKathleen
ErinKathleen's picture
Luv this!!

Luv this!!

You can not be free of anything you have not loved.

LL26
LL26's picture
Thanks for this! It was just

Thanks for this! It was just wanted I needed to read.
Laura

Pat Mary
Pat Mary's picture
Love myself at any weight or

Love myself at any weight or shape! That feels so novel yet sooo...
right.

Pat~

blacksilver
blacksilver's picture
This question and the fear of

This question and the fear of gaining weight leads right into the very core of my bulimia. Nevertheless, during the first days of my recovery I realised that I am really the only person who is preoccupied or worried about my own weight. And if I stop worrying about my weight, nobody does, so this fear is completely gone. And so as I'm letting go of the fear, it completely disappears. It's still a part of the process of recovery and I'm getting there, giving myself time for the next 6 - 12 months. But my initial anxiety of weight gain during recovery is nothing compared to the burden of years of heavy bulimic behaviour.

loiwagner
loiwagner's picture
In actuality, stopping binge

In actuality, stopping binge and purge behaviors should not result in inordinate weight gain. If a person becomes overweight as a result of a particular recovery method, it seems that the person is still enmeshed in an eating disorder--overeating. Providing the body with its necessary caloric needs may cause some weight gain; however, unless a person is overeating, this gain will not lead to obesity.

JudithFernance@...
JudithFernance@hotmail.com's picture
I am a very new member and

I am a very new member and scared of gaining weight. I am only 36kg. Do you think I will be able to gain a healthy weight and become a "normal" person again. I have suffered with Bulimia for over 30 years. HELP.

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