10 Tips for recovery

Richard Kerr's picture

Some helpful tips to motivate & guild you through recovery

1. Take action! Take action! Take action!

Your recovery relies on you taking action! It is up to you to learn and practice new techniques and normal eating skills. Sorry, but without action it's hard to expect to get very far with recovery.

Imagine learning to drive reading a manual only, without actually getting into a car. Would you expect to pass your driving test? No! Recovery is the same, you can't expect to recover without practicing new skills, re-leaning normal eating and developing new coping strategies.

2. Make YOUR recovery priority NO.1

It's important to make recovery from bulimia your highest priority in your life. Even if you think you are being selfish by placing recovery ahead of other commitments. It's your precious life, so be good to yourself and make an effort to recover.

3. Focus on 'recovery' not weight loss.

Please focus on recovery and not weight loss or gain.

  • Focusing on weight keeps you stuck in a viscous cycle
  • Focusing only on weight is part of your diet mentality
  • Weight change is not a 'behavioral' change and your recovery revolves around 'behavioral' change. Therefore try and keep focused on learning new eating skills and adopting new eating strategies
  • Your weight should start to stabilize at your natural healthy set-point and you won’t even have to think about it
  • Spend time working through your recovery zones. Answer the questions in the 'review' section. You can use feedback as an indication of progress.

4. View setbacks as a learning process

We all learn from our mistakes. If you look at recovery as a learning process then it becomes impossible not to fail. You will simply continue moving forward.

5. Take baby steps to success

Aiming for the sky backfires, instead focus on taking one day at a time. Try and not be obsessed with an overnight cure, this will not happen because recovery takes time and commitment.

Remember try to be realistic about your progress and take baby steps along the way, every step you take is enough to lead you to recovery.

6. Aim for 75% Success

Forget about being 100% successful. Aim for a maximum of 75% success rate. Why? well, it's only human to do so. Too much stress and effort to be perfect all the time can be counterproductive to recovery.

Many people with bulimia suffer from perfectionism, whereby thay are continually striving to reach unrealistic goals and will not be happy until they get there. Look back at your life, have you been trying to reach unrealistic goals and putting things off until you reach them? If you are a perfectionist then you should aim to be perfect 75% of the time and aim at not being perfect 25% of the time. This is achievable!

7. Forget about willpower

Many fad diets will bombard you with the 'willpower story', making you believe that it just takes a little more willpower and self control! However, you can’t use willpower to fight against your natural instincts to eat and you also can't set up any barriers to fight and rebel against it. Forget about willpower, you won't be needing it for recovery.

8. Stop blaming yourself

It isn’t your fault that you have bulimia. You were not warned about the dangers of dieting and restrictive eating and you didn't know that you would end up in the bulimia trap! It's also not your fault that diets continually fail and fantasy weights are impossible to reach. This comes from genetics and our natural  instincts, both are impossible to change.

You have to stop blaming yourself and start accepting that things in life are not always your fault.

9. Be prepared for a few bumps along the way

Very rarely is the road to recovery one long straight road from A to B, expect a few sharp bends in there.

Sometimes your problems may seem more complicated and at other times you might feel on top of the world. Whatever progress you are making you can view it by looking over your food journal and seeing how far you have already come. Remember set-backs are a useful part of recovery and can allow you to figure out the obstacles in your life that are causing problems. It could be stress, work, relationships, or anything else. It's up to you to figure them out and learn new ways of handling them.

Once you understand the cause you will be in a much better position to take action.

View Binge Busting for more information on dealing with relapses.

10. Forget about trying to find underlying reasons for your eating disorder!

You can spend years trying to figure out what caused your eating disorder and still not have answers!

It can be difficult for some of us to remember last week, never mind 5 to 10 years ago. Therefore it's sometimes better to accept the past. Focus all your energy and attention to the future instead, this is your recovery.


jessica8557's picture
i know i need help

it always seems impossible to think about recovery i guess you can say that i have allowed myself to accept this as a part of my life and knowing that this will be the end of me and i don't want to think this way i don't want to give up i need help

fawn_of_swords's picture
im scared

i can't win, no matter what i do. i want a nice body, not the perfect one. i know what i want, from myself- control,perfection,and happiness. i cant live like this anymore its getting more out of hand each day. i cant function normally. i saw in the bathroom today one of teeth is starting to look bad . thats scares me soooo much. i dont want to have rotting teeth. i thought i was on top of that. i don't have a lifestyle right now that can fit therapy or ,meetings or hospitalizations.

5448's picture
HI, you can win!!!

I've had bulimia for three years- I know, it's a mindset and a lifestyle.

But this year has really gone well! All the situations that enable the act I try to avoid- I don't live or eat alone, I don't have my own toilet and I eat slowly, with my family and my boyfriend. I feel more in control because I know my body needs food and I know how much I should eat. I used to be preoccupied with it, but my life is full of other things. I only binge 3 times a week now-that is good for me!!!!

Espiritual's picture
I hope I can become like that.

Im at a point in my life, where I have a lot of spare time, and I isolate myself because I live by myself and I do not have healthy friends. I do not visit my parents because there is food at their house, and I feel bad losing control in front of them- or they are just busy with their friends. I have found a new man that I am interested in, however he lives far away. I would love if I only had three binges a week and that I listened to my body. My new boyfriend has showed interest in me living with him, but he eats foods like cheese that I can not stand to keep in my body. I have not told him and I dont see myself telling him. Its very lonely having to keep such a terrible secret. My parents never say anything, but I know they know, because my face is so swollen. I am preoccupied with food, because that is all I have- everything else is meaningless. Hopefully, I will be able to build some better relationships as I let my food addiction dwindle.

adrienne's picture
i hear you

My life style doesn't allow for me to go to meetings and or treatment though i wish i could. i am trying hard to tap into the things i have learned during past bouts of treatment. Seek out what help you can. This site is a good start.

sparklekitten's picture
"aim at not being perfect 25%

"aim at not being perfect 25% of the time"
i love that! i can totally do that! hahaha


theresa1's picture
just joined had bulimia for at least 15 years


I am at rock bottom because I thought I was getting better but have eaten so much today I don't know how my body is going to cope with it. The only time I have ever lost weight is when i have restricted my calories but with this bulimia my weight is a constant battle.

misswistful's picture
I so get that. I feel like

I so get that. I feel like his eating disorder is my life , what do i do without it ? My weight has always been an issue too, i'm tired of fighting and working so hard.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

selenaeva1's picture
totally lost

I have been battling bulimia for about 12 years and recently relapsed very bad. Now I am trapped in a nightmare. I have lied to my friends, family and my doctors. They know I have bulimia but I keep minimizing it. Finally reached out for help today after minimizing to everyone and basically found out I was on my own. My doctors won't help me and most likely after finding out how bad I lied to them may drop me as a patient. I am terrified that I am going to lose my life soon and simply don't know what to do. I may lose everything... my job, my license, my family, my medical team, and god only knows what else. This website may be my last hope.

ildfast's picture
I hope everything has worked

I hope everything has worked out for you.

silver's picture
Help me out of this please!!

Hi I'm new here. I've had bulimia for 10 years and the past half year its gotten worse. I'm now living alone so dont have to hide it anymore. I tried going one day without b/p and couldnt even manage that. My body is finally giving out on me, Ive noticed pain behind my sternum, my cheek/jaw area is swollen on and off and I just feel so tired ALL the time. Was actually so tired one day I couldnt even binge. This is ridiculous. The first years were fantastic, I could eat whatever I wanted and still have a perfect figure. Perfect bait for a perfect trap. Now I see the devastating effects on my body. Whats perhaps even scarier is what i DONT see. You'd think this would be enough to help me stop but its so easy to give into. I have kept this to myself for 10 years. It would kill my family who have so many problems of their own. I'm here to find out what I can/should eat (the best vitamins/minerals for recovery), how much I should eat to regain metabolism (hopefully without gaining too much weight!), and how I can expect my body to react to a slow return to normality. I'm really looking forward to "meeting" all of you, and sharing experiences and help. Thankyou!!! xx

ccbocek77's picture

Hi there!! I'm so glad to be able to reply to your post. I've also been struggling with bulimia for nearly 10 years and I'm about to get married...for some reason, it has resurfaced in the past few months and I think that the anxiety surrounding sharing every waking moment with someone and losing all of that "private" time is overwhelming. I also lived alone for about 9 months a few years ago and it spelled disaster for me...only because I didn't HAVE to hold myself accountable...I could do whatever I wanted. I know exactly what you are going through (or some of it:)) and just know that I'll be here to talk if you want. I've tried so many things to relieve my anxiety about food...right now, I'm actually using NutriSystem - not because its necessarily "diet" food, but without it, I am a mess by dinner time, usually forcing myself to eat salad and then find myself snacking and binging later. Anyway, I need to run...my next class is about to come in, but I look forward to talking with you!


asrah's picture
I'm a teen bullimic victim

I'm a teen bullimic victim for 1year. I want to stop but I still want to lose weight!
Is it true once you go back to a normal diet you'd balloon? I really don't want that.
The stupid thing is that everyone around me are convinced I'm not bullimic anymore. I don't know who I can tell this problems to. Cause it feels like everyone saying the same thing and you understand but you can't apply it for long.i'm glad I found this website!

These faces were meant to smile, not cry.

ravens11's picture
Ballooning into recovery

I began b&p-ing when I was 17 & I am now 24 years old. For a few years I b&p-ed everyday until the ED took up so much time and energy that I thought "enough is enough". This is a simplistic history of the condition and since this point I have had years where things have been better and years where things have been worse. However whenever I have a relapse I find that the only way out of the cycle is to stop purging- which often (in the early stages) means riding out a binge. Along with this comes bloated tummies, gas and feelings of self-loathing, so no it isn't easy. However it does break the cycle and eventually the "binge option" diminishes because you've learnt to remove the "purge option". You ask whether you gain weight, well from my experience I gained a little which as I recovered I promptly lost. In the long-run I weigh much more when I am b&p-ing.

I know it's difficult to put the "weightloss" dream aside- you've already invested far too much of your time in it already- but if you want to thrive in other areas of your life then you will have to and in the longrun your weight will not alter as dramatically as you thought. Since I started eating three meals a day my metabolism is quicker, my meals are smaller and I weigh only marginally more than I did when I was anorexic. What helped me come to terms with it was the question: "do I really want to throw everything away for the sake of a few kilograms?".

It takes a lot of time but please don't throw away recovery because you get a bit bloated in the first few weeks: it's not fat, it's water and a stomach that is very sensitive and will take a while to get back to normal. Resisting a purge is really difficult but after every tear the results on the otherside are incredible. "Being thin" is not an adequate summation of any human life; we all deserve a lot more than that.


katew's picture
This is so beautifully put,

This is so beautifully put, thank you for putting the weight issue in to perspective, congratulations on your recovery x

There has got to be more to life than this disease x

mdelacreme's picture
That was very beautifully

That was very beautifully put... problem is that deep down I do know that I shouldn't put my weight before my life, and i know that i actually loose weight when i eat 3 meals a day without bnping.... but i still always slip bak into it, i just cant stop! why, why why?

lpgh's picture

I really appreciate your story and encouragment. Your simplified time line sounds a lot like mine, and it's nice to see that someone who has dealt with the issue for so long can recover. I was 'clean' for a year and a half and then fell back off the wagon about two years ago. I'm going to climb back on though. You're right---it was those first few non-purging sessions that make or break you. I'll keep your words in mind as I work on myself.

Thank you.

graceismyname's picture

Sorry, but this is the truth.
See a nutritionist and have her/him help you loose weight if you really need to.


gmoney's picture
Dood, I was emaciated to the point I lost myself in my madness.

Everyone is different, but I went grossly guant. When everyone saw my skeletal frame, I was exposed for . Dood, not a fun place to be. the mindset sucked even more. All I could think about was food, but the worst was I couldn't retain any memory.

I have to say being anorexic, the mind just went numb. I was an airhead. When you have a mental breakdown, you want to get it back. Slowly, the brain is coming back. I had to gain the weight, I had to admit I am an addict and now I'm just taking things step by step. No more of this perfectionist bullshit.

I am measured by value, not by success!

graceismyname's picture
yes everyone is different

I don't look at it first place as being an addict. that's part of it... but actually just a result...


laurenday's picture

Hey, I am in the same situation as you! 1 year, and they think i dont throw up anymore. I stopped for a while (4 months) then it happened again. i just joined too. And once you stop you try really hard not to eat anything thats going to make you throw up, so you dont "balloon". Good luck!

ildfast's picture
I´ve been bullimic for more

I´ve been bullimic for more than two years now. I have been to psychologists to talk about it, but I only felt so ashamed telling about it, that i quit the therapy. Then I tried group therapy, but then I only focused on trying to help all the other patients, so it became useless too. One year ago I told my parents about my bulimia, and they have been good to me, asking me how it goes and showing that they care. But lately, my little sister has been mentally ill and suicidal, so my family has enough as it is, trying to get her better. So now I feel alone again, and I need more than ever to hide my problems, but they tear me down, making me feel like a freak, and that I am wasting my life on binging and throwing up.

I hope this website can give me the support I cannot ask from others.

_dance_'s picture
new to the site, looking for support

I've been struggling with what i call the beast...b/p about 15 years. I can' even believe it has been that long. I've had good & bad phases over the years, usually depending on when i lived with other people or my work schedule allowing for more b/p. i thought i would 'grow out of it' or something. but this last six months has been the worst. and just a few minutes ago i binged but i binged on things that are not easy to purge and now people are around and i cannot get rid of it. and i can almost feel the fat/weight it will bring to my body. and i've thought sooo often of reaching out for help. the situation, right this minute is the tipping point. i can't do this anymore. i've got to get some control back. 75%perfect feels like a long way off, but way more doable than 100%. just reading the entries above have helped. i hope, pray, need, wish, want to get some of the help toward action that i need to finally shed this thing.

happy2educate's picture
15 Years

I have been battling bulimia for 15 years. I started at 17, and I am now 32. The only times I havn't b/p were during the pregnancies of my 2 wonderful daughters. I can't believe that as a wife and mother, at 32, I still battle this problem. It has seemed to come back even stronger after the birth of my 2nd daughter. I feel the leftover pregnancy weight each day. I will give this website a try and am glad that I am not alone in this battle.

louie's picture
worse after children

i too have got worse since the birth of my second child. i too feel the leftover belly since then - and i am only 8 1/2 stones!

i have been bulimic on and off for almost 25 years, but it's at it's worst right now, and i'm in my forties.
i have always been slim, been able to eat what i wanted, but i think that i am greedy, not just with food, but a greedy person. from that realisation has come self loathing, which has stalked me for most of my adult life. i have no idea where all this comes from, childhood? bad relationships whilst young? all i know is i have a very unnatural relationship with food, and a very distorted view of my body.

i have two beautiful children now, and great home life and a successful career. seems absolutely ridiculous that i judge myself as a person entirely on the size of my belly! but i just can't seem to free myself from this cycle.

helpjen2's picture
it helps to know i am not the

it helps to know i am not the only thirtysomething bulimic out there. i feel like i am too old for this problem and am very scared. i know i need help but am embarrassed. i am married with a child. i hope this website will help me. it has gotten out of control due to stress and the loss of my job. hopefully i'll get better soon.

myshell's picture

For such a long time i was under the illusion that i felt no anger towards the man that assaulted me - that i was strong and wise to believe that i am a better person because of such events. Today, i recognize that in choosing not to hate the outside world for it's ills, I have instead turned that anger inwards. It has been a subtle development, my self punishment. Subconsciously deciding that if my body did not exist, my body would not have been assaulted. For six years now i have been punishing my body for what i interpreted as it's faults. Pushing my physical self to the brink of exhaustion or to the point of injury - yet only to feel unsatisfied with my level of achievement for the day. It has been a sort of disciplined masochism in a way. What's ironic is that such discipline, on my best day, will allow me to achieve and conquer any single thing i have ever wanted. On my worst day, it can destroy me in a single swoop. I am the biggest threat to my own existence, yet have the capability to change it all. It is a simultaneous sense of relief and terror to know that i have the power.

- Running across half of Melbourne today, a feat to most, nothing to me. Writing a single paragraph about why, and I've taken a step.

Today is a good day.

remps's picture
never thought in a million years...

I never thought I’d be battling bulimia. I’ve been at it for just over a year now and have tried therapy a few times and found it worked for a little while until I started to do better. My therapist would leave it up to me to schedule an appointment and both times never went back. After the first time I felt embarrassed to go back to her and face failure so I switched therapists and am back at the same point. I just feel like a huge failure knowing I’ve succumbed to something like this. As a recent university graduate I am starting a career in health and fitness and I can’t stand educating people in the field when I can’t even follow my own advice... Feeling like a huge hypocrite ..

gala's picture
too much of my life wasted

I have wasted too many years of my life worrying and battling this illness. I am ready for a change. I want to be happy and i realized that if i want to be healthy, i need to find help.
When your entire family worries over your weight and your life, its not pleasant, I feel like a burden with this problem. I dont want to wear kids sized clothes I am a woman and should be proud of that- not ashamed

mistydk's picture
I have been a bulimic for about 14 years

I have been bulimic for about 14 years. One time I quit for about 2 years and I did really good. But after some depression issues and a period where my husband was unemployed, it set me off again. I am still at it. I know I've quit before and I really want to again. It's time for life to be normal. I want to be healthy. I am tired of puking up my guts in the toilet! Tired of having messed up teeth. Tired of worrying about it. This is my one true addiction. I don't smoke and I don't drink. I binge and I purge.

lyneyce's picture
Ready for a happy life

I'm so tired of waking up everyday, thinking about food every hour. I've had bulimia for 5 years now. I've spent thousands among thousands of dollars on b/p food. It's sickening. I've gone into thousands of dollars in debt because of it. I'm tired of leaning into a toilet, 6-10 times a day. I don't want it to control me. I have a lovely partner/relationship, and will not ever confess my secret to him. But I know one day, I will move forward with him in my life, and live with him, and one day start a family with him. I know it's not possible to continue living a lie around him, like I already am. I want to be able to say no to food, save my money and my health. Yes, the fear of gaining any single pound is absolutely horrifying. This life I'm living is torturing me. I can't do this anymore. "Enough is enough." I wish those words were powerful enough for me to just quit. I often think that I want to end the whole problem right here, right now. Its hard to understand that it will take time. But I'm ready to start. Today.

girlly12's picture
Dealing with this SH*T since I was nine years old...

I have been vomiting since I was just a chubby little girl of 9. I took my newly budding changing figure as a failure and have spent the last 14 years trying to keep it from developing. When I was 13 my parents discovered my secret and sent me to therapy. A year later I was deemed "recovered" and my family and I never spoke of my habit again. Needless to say I have been vomiting for years. It is wonderful to hear from so many people who struggle with this disease at an older age. I had assumed I would eventually out grow this thing, but I realize that will not happen organically. i am ashamed and tired and HATE my teeth. In fact my greatest reason for trying to give this shit up is fear I will loose my teeth. They are little and broken and so terribly small. I miss my long white teeth.

wantshelpnow's picture
Hello, I need some support:(

I need some support:( Please message me if you are interested. I am 24yrs old and have been binging and purging since I was 20 (that's hard to write down) I havent told anyone and I really really want to, however I am very ashamed. I am a nursing student and I feel very hypocritical trying to help ppl when I need help myself. I am always tired and have no energy, I feel like I can never remember anything and I am worried my teeth will be rotting soon. I have had some stomach pains lately and I fear I may have developed an ulcer:S I live with my boyfriend and both he and my mom have both mentioned things about bulimia before. I of course have denied it... It's time to get better...

threelittlebirds's picture

im a nursing student too and i am just starting the recovery thing. im not very good at it so far but im trying. if u ever want someone to talk to just let me know :)

three little birds sat on my window, and told me i don't need to worry...

amie's picture
Me too


I am not massively into vomiting but do do it. But I abuse laxatives, and restrict when I can

People think I am stronger than everyone else and can get better on my own, but I try to tell them I am no more special than anyone else with this illness and I am desperate

I am scared as I have put on some weight and am worried if I look overweight people will expect I am fine and I wont be able to tell them otherwise and will have to live with this pain forever

Like you, I know it is time to get better, but I just don't know HOW????

My docs desperately want me to go in as an inpatient at my clinic but its out of my price range :o(

Aaarrrrrgggghhhh! I will support you....Amie


sarahsmith's picture


Give you my story first -

So this is the first time I have ever spoken to anyone in similar situations like myself. It scares me to realise that I have had bulimia now, feels weird to even hear myself say the word, I guess on and off, mostly on for about 9 years now. I say its weird to hear myself use the word as I guess ive never really considered myself to be one even though it is something that I do all most every day. I mean sometimes I could go without doing it for 2 weeks, then I would be doing it again.

I'm guess Im not your typical bulimic, in that I dont binge. I'm more the ive eaten the calories I feel I should have had for the day and so now the evening meal I decide to bring up as a way to reduce my calorie intake for the day. Yes I do sometimes eat something I know is bad as I know I will bring it up (ie chocolate), but I do not binge to the point of not being able to eat anymore, ie feeling sick from eating too much. Not saying I am better for what I do at all, Im not, but just wanted to explain my situation incase anyone else is similar to me as it annoys me when I always read the definition of a bulimic and it always says binge then purge....if that be the case therefore am I not bulimic as I am just someone who is too obsessed with calorie counting and uses it to control their weight without the binging. Dont know if I am expliaining myself well at all lol. I do realise I am bulimic.

The scary thing for me is that for a long time, and still now, the whole act of purging after a meal, is as normal to me as say brushing your teeth or combing your hair before bed. It is only on the rare occasion that I actually in a way come to my senses and think no hold on this isnt normal, why are you doing this to yourself and realise it is something that dominates my life and has done for too long but always seem reluctant to do anything about it through fear I will gain weight. It is almost the easier road to choose than the scary recovery route.

Having been a bulimic for I guess over 9 years now I am terrified what damages I have done to my body, and am also terrifed at the thought of my family ever finding out, but they wouldnt as well Im too good at hiding my tracks. But if one day I end up in hospital through damage caused by this disease, how am I going to hide it then?

When you wrote how it was hard to write down, that kind of rang true for me as I guess I dont think of myself as a bulimic and so for me to also write it down, its like am I really?

My teeth from what I can tell are finally loosing enamel, which after 9 years I think i am lucky for it to not have happened sooner, or rather not lucky as maybe if it had happened sooner i would have dealt with my problem sooner. Its so hard to think of it as a problem, as like I say before sometimes it seems like the most natural thing in the world for me, i could go for weeks doing it once a day, normally in the evening after evening meal, and not give it a second thought as well its just apart of my routine, im not ill, this is just me???? And then I might have a day where I have been stupid and eaten food that is difficult to bring up, like bread!!! It is then during a painful purge where I am like I have a problem this isnt normal, what am I doing, why am I putting myself through this hell, all i can think about is food, and so ashamed. Is it weird how some days I am ashamed yet others not even give what I deem as completely normal a second thought?

On occasion where it is so easy and takes seconds to bring up what I have just eaten, this will also sound strange but almost feel a sense of pride and proudness that I was able to do that so easily.

Excuse my language but this is fucked up and perhaps this is just me having a day where I am ashamed but I really dont want this to dominate my life anymore, and writing this all down reminds myself of how this isnt normal, how on earth can i go through long periods of time convincing myself that it is and to not try and do anything about it as its just a part of life!!!

I dont want it to be a part of my life anymore, but I dont really know how to stop it? I have thought about going to a doctor but am too ashamed to speak to anyone actually in person. This is my first step I guess, your a person but not here to look at me? I really hope you are doing well na dwould love to hear your story, maybe we can help each other?

Kim's picture
I need support too. It has

I need support too. It has been about 5 years for me battling this (im almost 20) and im going to school for dentistry! its stressful, which definately does not help! and its hard to focus in school when b/p is all i can think about! its embaressing too and ive tried hard to quit on my own because im so ashamed to tell anyone else. i dont even trust doctors of therapists because i feel like they will never know what im saying unless they have been through it too. My family knows though and so does my boyfriend so if you trust them enough you should tell them because the guilt that you feel when and if they talk to you about it will help you hold back, atleast for that one time you are tempted to binge or purge. Also having their support is good in times of need. I wish there was an easy fix to this problem because there are so many downfalls from it but it just cant be that easy. There has to be a way though!


evie's picture
this is madness

I am so angry at myself all the time and feel like im waisting my life! i just want it to go awayyyyyyyyyyy!! i was 6 stone, anorexic,now im 11 stone, bulimic. i have no motivation any more, ive been like this for a good 6 years now. i suffer from depression aswell. completely helpless! no one has any idea about how ill i still am- its very lonely, coming to uni has made me realise how serious my condition still is, i binge and vomit aleast 3 times a day. i need some freking helppppppp! we all need some frekin help!!

mrq_ice's picture
i hate myself

i'm binging and trying to purge again.. my whole family is devastated because of me. everybody is mad at me. i can't concentrate at school. i don't know if i'll still be able to go to med school. 4 years ago i became anorexic.. and then i gained 40 lbs due to binge eating disorder... a year ago, i started exercising again and had exercise bulimia... now, i am seeking the help of a therapist, but my binges are getting worse. i'm binging at least 3 times a day and i have gained 20 lbs already.. i'm on the normal weight but i can't accept it since i got fat due to bingeing... not due to healthy eating habits. i always think i will not be able to control myself, especially when i am around food. i finish everything in the house and feel guilty afterwards. i hate myself. my family is ruined because of me. they spend thousands for my medication and therapy. i hate myself. i wanna end this. i wanna go back to my original weight before i started bingeing. i want to gain weight in the healthy way... i wanna lose 10 lbs!!!

i hate myself.. i wanna end this. i wanna finish this disorder.. i wanna kill myself.

Miss H
Miss H's picture
Please don't do anything rash!

I know it may seem hopeless, but things can get better. Of course it is hard for you and your family. But they spend the money because they want you to better, they want you to be happy and if one day that happens then i'm sure they will believe that every penny is well spent. I feel the same way about gaining weight- I wrote an email to three of my friends at uni the other day telling them about my bulimia and explaining that I hate it when people compliment the way I look, because I feel fat. It's like every added pound of weight is pure fat and carbs. If I had to be the weight I am now, then I would've been SO much happier if it had been because I had made the decision to put on weight and eat normally...
4 years is a long time, but it is possible to get better. And you can still succeed at your goals. I've been suffering for the last 7 years and since then I've managed to get into med school and am now two years from the end. I struggle. The ed doesn't help. But I get through it.
Good luck.

badoozi's picture

Hey there,

I'm 23 and have been bulimic for over 6 years. I've had moments of relief where I think I have recovered, but nothing concrete yet. I have recently relapsed. I'm living alone finishing up my last few credits at uni, feeling pretty isolated and having elaborate binge/purge episodes a few times a day, almost 4 times a week. Before that it was about once a month, so I'm starting to lose both faith and trust in myself. I could really use some tips and support to get back on the recovery train.

klq0587's picture
Have Hope

I like these tips, especially #6 and #8. Also, reading through the other comments, I see a lot of similarities between members and a lot of things I can also relate to. That gives me a sense of hope, knowing that there are a lot of other people struggling with this disorder. At the same time, it kills me to see all of these beautiful people going through something so horrible. I would never wish this upon ANYONE, so it's painful to see how many people are affected by something so powerful and detrimental.

I wish you all the best. This will always be a struggle, but it's a battle worth fighting because your life is worth living.

~Sending Love and Peace~


milamishka's picture
this is endless

i've had bulimia for the past two years, but it actually started six years ago when i was under a very strict lowfat diet. the first time it was going on for a few months then it didn't really happen for three years. it came back two years ago right after cutting down daily intakes to 300 calories for two weeks. ever since then i've been binging and purging at least once a week and upto twice a day to extremity. i've tried to see a therapist but he made me feel very uncomfortable about talking about this issue, so i sorta stopped seeking help. it was two days ago that i felt again i really needed help...i just couldn't let this go on because i am trying to pursue a career in health care profession...and this is what really makes me feel horrible about myself. how am i going to take care of other people if i can't even take care of myself?
i decided that i am not going to let myself lose to this yesterday so it didn't happen....first time in a while. i'm hoping that this would continue.

crystal's picture
we are not alone girls...

i read in a psych textbook that 4 % OF THE FEMALE POPOLATION SUFFERS FROM THE BULLY...THhat means any time u are on a crowded subway or a lecture hall with more than 100 ppl...then look around you and know that there are at least three other women in that space that suffer from the same thing that we do... (and 2% also suffer from anorexia btw). Basically its like 6 in every 100 females suffer from an eating disorders...this is what media and society has done to us in trying to make us skinny...

whereisthelove's picture
This is a very interesting

This is a very interesting point. Thank you so much for bringing it up.

In reading your post, I thought of a question. Bulimia seems to be twice as common as anorexia, so why is it that when people think of eating disorders they usually think of anorexia, and if you go on sites about EDs they usually say something like "anorexia and other eating disorders." Bulimia is just as problematic and twice as common. Shouldn't people pay attention to both of them?

jl124's picture
wow. I relate to so much of

wow. I relate to so much of this. embarrassed in front of my parents/eating at their place, wasting my life with this mess etc.
it certainly doesn't help that my parents and siblings want me to lose weight, that my dad makes bad comments and tries to get me to stop eating. I exercise well, and i know how to eat right, but sometimes I just b/p y'know b/c i am mad about everything else. i am not happy with how my job is, jealous of other people, feeling stupid, ugly, fat, not living up to my potential, like I've already ruined a lot of opportunities and things so far, ruined some of my skin, want to isolate and hide myself from almost everyone i know b/c i keep setting and failing to meet these goals to look better and lose 15 lbs before I see them again. i know I need to lose weight to decrease my risk of diabetes, heart disease, etc, and stop overeating etc. but i get so mad and so depressed and so stuck.
i really hope you guys can get out of it, even if i can. i am so sorry that so many people are in so much pain. i know i'm being hypocritical, but i really hope you guys can be better and stronger than i am cuz i don't want you to waste your potential

jl124's picture
i meant to write, i hope you

i meant to write, i hope you can get out of it even if i can't

jl124's picture
i meant to write, i hope you

i meant to write, i hope you can get out of it even if i can't

Angie Vldz
Angie Vldz's picture
I want to change my life....

i really want to stop all this, ive been doin it for almost 8 yrs n its killing me inside, no one else knows, n its hard to write this down, i always look at other girls n wonder id they are going tru the same but they look so happy i think they are perfect. im married n yesterday my husband told me that he wanted me to be with him forever... n for a moment i felt like lettin him know what was happening n i joked, i told him not to worry that i was gonna die first. im scared it might be true.
i want help, i can aim for that 25%... i want to start everyday not today but everyday... think of tomorrow as the say im going to start to change my life n do it everyday...
it really hurts.


i don't know
i don't know's picture
I'm not sure if I can do this

The thought of recovery hasn't ever crossed my mind until today. Over the 5 years I've dealt with eating disorders, I've never confided in anyone. I guess I just signed up just to have someone to talk to.
All these lists and tips are kind of overwhelming me right now. I'm really not sure if I can do this. I guess I'll just have to start small...really small. Maybe I'll eventually be able to work it up to that 75% success.
I just don't know if I have the will power to see this through. I constantly think about bingeing and purging...especially the purging part. If I don't get to purge after eating, I loose it. Completely loose it.
But hopefully if I can find some people to talk to–people who understand where I am right now. Maybe I'll actually be able to do this.

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