11 days then i binged and purged

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giraffelaura's picture
11 days then i binged and purged

I had been fighting so hard and now I feel bulimia has won again. I had a crisis yesterday and today - I suffer from borderline personality disorder. So anyway I got in the car and drove around for 2 hours stopping in different food shops eating while driving, eating while parked up then as soon as I got home I purged.

For me I binge not out of restricting but sever emotional distress. I just couldn't seem to use any other coping skills the pain was that bad.

* sighs* I want to heal and recover!

Be still and know that I am God

Beautiful smile
Beautiful smile's picture
Hey, I am sorry to hear that,

Hey, I am sorry to hear that, but I just want to say it is pretty normal to fail in the way of recovery, but doesn't mean you will lose in the long run. I just begun my first day of recovery. Try to keep your credit card at home, and involve yourself in some group. Hope we can both recovery and fight against bulimia.

Sarahb's picture
Dear giraffelaura and

Dear giraffelaura and Beautiful Smile.
I to started yesterday and I first want to say from my perspective your honesty and courage in talking about what happens shows that you are recovering. I have never had the courage or honesty to be open about my bingeing and purging behavior, instead I put on a smile and pretend to everyone I am okay. My bulimia is also linked to emotional distress, fear axiety and any form of emotional pain (small and big) .. looking forward into recovery .. the hardest part will find other ways of dealing with emotions instead of eating. But I believe there is a way and recovery is possible . Thinking of you and sending you a big virtual hug

natascha's picture
Dear laura, I can totally

Dear laura,
I can totally relate to what you have said here.
I often found myself in a car, not knowing where to go, just stuffing myself with food-so overwhelmed by feelings,pain and confusion.
I am also diagnostized with some kind of borderline disorder and extreme anxiety, but I think most of all I am very high sensitieve and have to deal with intense feelings, impressions and am easy out of my inner balance-this within the struggle with bulimia.
Hope you can find SOMETHING what works for you in really great pain!
For me often it means to just stop, sit down,recognize my thoughts,feelings and body state and than just try to accept everything.
The same mentioned for binge urges I think in the recovery guide.
Just embrace.But it is no just it is not easy at all, but for me it helps.
Sorry my English is not great, hope you understand!
Great, great that you stayed purge free so long!!!!!

Love and best for you,


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