8 years bulimic, I want to recover. The challenge is that I work in the food&wine buisness...

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voyelles
voyelles's picture
8 years bulimic, I want to recover. The challenge is that I work in the food&wine buisness...

Hi everyone,
I am bulimic since I am 17 years old, now 25.
Bingin/purging almost everyday, mostly at night after diner. But also sometimes in the middle of the day, mostly when I don't stick to my plan or if I encounterer triggery food.
I am so tired of this. Tried a lot to recover with mindfulness, meditation, talking to my family. I've been able to stop for 10 days once. I thought I was ''releaved''. But I was wrong.
I have to be honest, I desire my body slim and skinny. But I undertand also, that I am suffering with the bulimia and it has a big impact on my life, my energy and healt. I feel so powerful and kind when I have a binge free day.
The problem is I forget about all of it when a trigger happens, I just think purging is the easiest option.

Since I am working in the food&wine industry, it is very difficult to stick to a plan. Eating every 3 hours doesn't fit in my schedule and as soon as I am eating a little something, instantly I want more. I am often having lunch and diner with clients and I am a sommelier (wine specialist) so I can't refuse to taste/drink wine and try different food.

I am very grateful to be part of this supportive community.
I hope I can share with you some positive moments in the next week.
Do you have any tips for starting this programm?

Have a great day!

recovery2014
recovery2014's picture
Hello and welcome! I have

Hello and welcome! I have found that it is essential to 'just eat' i.e. to make a structured meal plan and to eat everything on it, including when I don't want to! It feels a bit like jumping off a high mountain with a parachute, but I have found that is the only way back to healthy. Feel free to message me. (-:

"According to all known laws of aviation, there's no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to lift its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway - because bees don't care what humans think is impossible."

jmac
jmac's picture
Hello, congrats on your

Hello, congrats on your decision to recover. I also feel it's been so important for me to completely immerse myself in the structured eating process. When I began, there were many times I didn't feel hungry but it was the "3 hr mark" so I ate anyway. Very mechanically, but I did it. I trusted the program because I felt it was a sensible way to get my body back on track after about 20 yrs if starving, bingeing, over exercising and purging. Slowly, but surely, my body is really eating. I had really bad bloating for a while but I kept referring back to the help method and that bloating was normal. All the weird and difficult things I was experiencing were actually "normal" as well for a recovering body and mind.
My advice to you is to trust the bulimia help method and know that you WILL heal. You might also want to consider what the price has been for wanting so badly to be very thin. I had the same struggle for my entire life. However, I am learning that I feel much better about myself when I know I am nourishing my body and I have adequate energy to so the things I want to do, instead of obsessing about what people might think of me if I am not as thin as I think I "should be". My perceptions were very distorted with regard to thinness, I admit. As I have re-fed my body and mind I am seeing more clearly and my stomach pains have gone away. I take a very high dose if pro-biotics (from my Naturopathic physician) and am still working on sticking to SE for now.
As far as making time for meals, is there a way you can excuse yourself at work for mini-breaks? I always carry snacks in my purse and I've been known to gobble almonds or a snack bar in the bathroom if I feel awkward around people in the middle of the day. Put your recovery first. That's what I am doing and it is really getting better, day by day.
Be good to yourself!
Jamie

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