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natascha's picture

I am now 2 month purge free.
And the following challenge for me is to accept overeating,weight gain and depression.
Since I stopped purging and dieting I have no fall back on destructieve behavior-I thought.
But the truth is a veil is broken, I now see how low,miserable,depressed and ashamed I
often feel about my life and myself.
I had nearly 20 years bulimia.I could not work,could not get children, could not find
a good place to live, could not do things I loved.
I chose the eating disorder to distract me from all the pain in my past and all the things I was
not able to do normal because of low selfworth and fear.
I just want to share this because I feel insecure,alone and dont know how to handle this at the
I mean, the real missing is selfworth,selflove and acceptance that I have not achieved anything,
but staying alive and get to the point of being purge free for 2 month and endure terrible weight
gain,being fat and overeat every day.
Ilong for the person I was once,long ago: creatieve,optimistic,idealistic,trusting unless fearfulness.
Now, with 43 I feel old and broken.Broken through this disorder.
I hope I find strength again to go on and not get under medication, the one thing I hope to avoid for-
If anyone want to contact me, maybe with relating problems what happens when purge free and some
one has to face reality, I will be glad.



natascha's picture
Feel absolut terrible that no

Feel absolut terrible that no one replies.


sanjogkaur's picture
Dear Natascha, I send you a

Dear Natascha,

I send you a big big big hug and lots of love.

Congratulations on not purging for TWO MONTHS. Doing that after 20 years of bulimia is really impressive and something to be really happy about. It's not easy and you've done it on your own. ;) if you can do that, then there's so many more things you can do.

When I read your message I thought...really? 43 years is old? hehe... maybe it's easy to say that for me, because i'm 28 now...BUT...the truth is, most of my best friends are over 35...not children...and doing amazing things with their lives.

Last year I went on a backpacking trip around Asia, and I met this amazing woman, Miriam, from Spain. She's 41, single, no children, and SO happy. If there's anything that I learned from her is that it doesn't matter what age you are. Every year, every moment, every breath is a new opportunity to be YOU, and that's all that matters. YOU at 10, YOU at 25, YOU at 43 or 200 years old :p

We never learn at school to be ourselves. They teach us how to be like others, and to aspire to be "normal" and "successfull according to some strange standard, but they never teach us to just be OURSELVES, to be authentic, to live our lives with acceptance of who we are and our destinies. So it's understandable that we continue to expect to be something we are not, and probably will never be.

Are your aware of your talents? your gifts? your deep dreams and desires? Who do you want to be? What is your best ideal self?

I'd say you use your energy to create whatever you dream of, starting right now...even if it's just with a walk around the block...and little by little, you'll realize that there's many years left to live...and to be not "somebody", but to be YOU. That's all that matters.

Cheer up and count on me if you need anything.

I admire you already. Just for those two purging-free months! :)




natascha's picture
Thank you so much Natalia for

Thank you so much Natalia for your warmth and love !!!
Thank you for looking into the right direction and seeing everything from the positieve side.
I am so glad to hear this right now!!!!
I think I have lost contact with hoe I really am being bulimic for so long.
Living without overeating, binges and extreme self-judging as I try right now creates a lot of
space I want to learn to fill with more positieve things.I still
MUST so much every day and I find it extreme difficult to follow my wishes,dreams or simple
desire to get more fun and rest...think I have to clear that I am at least good enough.
Although I add nothing special to society and cannot even earn my own
It is as you say so important to get in contact with talents and desires and get the courage to
break out from forcing myself.
Thank you again and I hope you are well and feel good today and if you like please write me
about your dreams,talents,gifts,desires-or what you ever want!!!

Lots of Love,Natascha


LucyBelieves's picture
Hi there! I think you would

Hi there!

I think you would love to listen to some of the Abraham Hicks audios on youtube...I listen to them all the time and they make me feel so positive! I am 32 and I have been bulimic for seventeen years, so we are definitely not alone!

You have your whole life ahead of you and its going to be amazing! Congratulations on going two months without purging- I cant wait until I can do that!!! :) Soon I hope!

Much love

There is nothing that we cannot be or do or have :)

natascha's picture
Dear Lucy, Thank you for your

Dear Lucy,

Thank you for your reply!
I wish youtoo all the best and willlisten to the audios you toldto me!
How are you doing now?


everkookum's picture
Dear natascha I've been

Dear natascha
I've been bulimic for over 40 years....with the help of others and the information I've recieved with this program, I have had many days binge and purge free...not perfectly and lately it's been scary because I've b/p 1-2 times a week for the past month....a far cry from 3-10 times a day. The days I binge and purge are lost yes I have a great grief over the losses of those 40 years. I cannot dwell on that or it becomes devastingly depressing and the perfect setup for another lost day. I have begun to pray for help to be useful each learn to love and perhaps experience love also...this is the only way I can see my way forward....I'm 63....we are not throwaways...our experience has taught us something.....something that might help another creature know that they are beloved and not to be blamed for their condition....that there is always time to learn to be grateful and loving...just today.....


natascha's picture
Thank you Ever kookum for

Thank you Ever kookum for your lovely answer.
I wish so much that you find ways to recover now.It is never too late.You already made progres.
Every day is new!And this program works.
Please let me know how you are doing now if you want.

Lots of love and joy today,


Anmie's picture
Dear Natascha, I am so

Dear Natascha,

I am so inspired by your story! after such a long time, the habits are so deeply ingrained, that to do 2 months without purging is just magic. You have worked so hard, and created such a radical shift inside yourself. Even if you don't realise it or it doesn't feel it every day, the changes you are making are permanent. Just changing direction slightly means that within a year, you're in a hugely other place from where you would have been headed.

A year ago I was lost in binging and purging, I had to move home with my parents aged 32 to get it under control. I felt so lost. Now, I have my energy back, my skin looks glowing again, and I haven't purged in almost 6 months. I still binge, which is a deeply ingrained habit, but I feel all the time (well most of the time!) that I am getting better and more positive. I'm telling you this so that you can see all the good things that lie ahead. Recovery is amazing! it is worth it all and you will never regret the steps you are taking.

I try and look on the addiction to food as a big huge warning sign that many things were not right, and I guess still aren't right, in my life. I am learning to be open to uncertainty and fear and to learn to listen to my emotions rather than to stuff them down with food. I say this like it's easy but it is NOT! I find that change comes very, very slowly, but I firmly believe that it does come.

If you ever want to talk to someone or get anything off your chest, please let me know. And good luck with your progress!

Lots of love,

Anna xxx

natascha's picture
Dear Anna, Thank you so much

Dear Anna,
Thank you so much for your open and kind reply!
I am in the same boot now,6month purge free and still overeating a lot.
I really struggle with SE still, but it helps a lot.I can focus more on other things,I feel less occupied with food and less under control what or what not to eat.
Dealing with extreme anxiety,low selfworth and other emotions or negatieve thoughts is still very challenging...
Hope so much that we all find positieve ways to deal with them.

Wish you joy and love to hear from you,


ricky's picture
Natasha you are not broken.

Natasha you are not broken. with 43 years' yes many years are by, but far from all. you still have many beautiful years to look foward to , if you are serious about recovery. Think of it this way, 20 years were spent in this horrible disorder, take ayear or so to become free of it and with the aveerage life span going on to 80-90 you still have far more than 20 years to live in freedom and bliss. GO FOR IT!!!! STAY STRONG!!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!

natascha's picture
Thank you Ricky...sogood to

Thank you Ricky...sogood to hear that.


almond joy
almond joy's picture
Thank you all for this

Thank you all for this inspire thread of comments and for sharing your stories. Keep it up Natasha! I wish I could say I had two months BP free.


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