Alcohol and Bulimia

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hklewis@hotmail...
hklewis@hotmail.co.uk's picture
Alcohol and Bulimia

Has any body else been effected by alcohol during recovery. I started having a couple of glasses of wine at night, which I found relaxed me and made me not obsess about food. But it's been a daily thing now, I'm really embarrassed about it and it's caused arguments with my husband. I feel like I'm just creating an other addiction in replace for bulimia?

LeaLea
LeaLea's picture
I don't drink regularly, but

I don't drink regularly, but occasionally have a bottle of lager at night, more to relax and get sleepy, than anything else- I'm a terrible sleeper. I think it's easy to confusing a habitual thing, with addiction though. Doing something out of habit is easier to stop than a true addiction, so if you feel you just can't get through the night without the wine, then I'd say it may be an issue, even if it's only a couple of glasses.

I think we, as bulimic so have a tendency to pick up a new addiction after we have put one down. Stopping binge purging leaves a big hole and loads of extra time and we are at a loss as to what to do to fill it, since most of us will have long left real hobbies and friendships behind us and replaced them with the binge purge life of bulimia.

Seeing you anxious about it makes me believe you are in danger of letting this get out of control, filling the void with a new addiction. I would say to really think about what is driving you to drink the wine in the first place- is it enjoyment? Or is it a form of escapism, where you drink to try and forget about food for a bit? It's so tormenting and exhausting thinking about food every minute of every day, but we drive ourselves to the edge doing it and can't stop. Alcohol might be your way of escaping from those feeling for a few hours and giving yourself a break.

Stay in touch with me if you like. I'll try and help just by talking stuff through a bit, it might help.

Lea

hklewis@hotmail...
hklewis@hotmail.co.uk's picture
Thank you for your comment.

Thank you for your comment. I think it is me escaping, I have just been explaining to my husband how I feel like every waking hour of the day I'm battling with myself, I want to binge but I give myself positive pep talks, going through everything I have learnt in the last few weeks. Some times I crack and some times I am successful. It is so tiring! So escaping from that is nice and I don't sleep well either. I'm just aware alcohol is a depressant and I get sad or angry some times :(

How are you going today Lea?

LeaLea
LeaLea's picture
I'm doing ok. It's been a

I'm doing ok. It's been a tough one, but it's better than it could have been, most definitely. Thank you for asking!

I do understand the escapism part. It is nice to escape the torrent of thoughts that seem to whirlwind around in my head and having a drink does seem to slow them down a bit, even if they don't actually go away. I'm fully aware that they'll still be there when I'm not drinking though, so drinking, for me, will never be a remedy or cure for my binge purging, or a replacement.

I'm glad you brought this up now. It's great that you can foresee a potential issue and you want to make sure to prevent it. Maybe you can challenge yourself to having some evenings without a drink, perhaps make a delicious icy fruit drink instead or try those alcohol free, or low alcohol wines, just for the taste, without the effects of alcohol.
We live near the beach, so sometimes a good distraction for me is to go for a walk to the sea with my boyfriend, even if it's ten at night, lol. It's kind of odd to him that I'd want to go walking when we usually go to bed, but it gives me time with him and a blast of air to literally blow some of the crappiness out of my head. It might just be that the habit of sipping slowly on a drink is what needs to be broken, not the alcohol in the drink itself. For us, just having something going past our lips is part of that binging tendency and we habitually keep drinking, whatever it might be, to fill that void that eating would. I'm literally addicted to coca cola and will drink until I'm bloated and I know it's to physically fill myself up as I can't break that hand to mouth urge!

Perhaps you can try to halve what you drink right now, say a day with wine, a day without- but still drink a fluid of some kind to have that hand to mouth thing going on. If you can swap out to a non alcoholic drink without too much trouble, you'll be half way there! We can both try working on breaking that binge urge drink fluids pattern later on.

Lea

hklewis@hotmail...
hklewis@hotmail.co.uk's picture
You were right, I tried

You were right, I tried herbal tea last night and it was just having that constant sipping! I kind of missed the relaxed feeling and a bought a bottle of low alcohol wine too in case I really want one :)

Thank you!

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