Already worried about Friday

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katzcurrent
katzcurrent's picture
Already worried about Friday

Hi,

I agreed to go out with friends Friday night. We'll be driving to the city for dinner, drinks, and dancing. I'm not at any risk for BP at this point, but in the past the ONLY way I could tolerate situations like this was to drink A LOT and reward myself with a huge binge when I got home at the end of the night. The truth is, I don't enjoy going out late and I really dislike clubs and dancing. I don't like spending money or being in loud environments. I don't like eating dinner past 6pm.

So, why am I going? Because when I think about the times in my life I've had a lot of friends (and especially the times I've met boyfriends, which is something I really want right now) it has always been the result of going to parties. I think of this as an obligation, something I don't want to do but I have to. It's like people who have a part of their job they don't like, such as public speaking. I want so badly to learn how to tolerate situations like this without getting drunk or bingeing.

This is what happens to me: I wake up and immediately start counting how many more hours until I get to come back to bed (usually it's about 20 if I know I'll be out late). Then I go through my day freaked out, worried I won't have enough energy. I have dinner at my usual time (5pm) and sit and watch the clock until it's time to "go out." I might drink a bunch of coffee or something. 3/4 of the time, I cancel at the last minute. Then if I do make it out, I watch the clock obsessively and look for my "out." Then the next day, I feel like crap because my sleep and eating cycles are off.

What's wrong with me? How can I get over this? I wonder if I should just take a bunch of anti-anxiety pills and not drink any alcohol. Or coffee? Take candy with me and eat one every 5 minutes as an incentive to be there? The thing is, I love people, but in loud environments, I can't connect with people because I can't talk.

valarielouise
valarielouise's picture
Hi Katz, Can I hone in on the

Hi Katz,

Can I hone in on the fact that you are saying you a going because you want to meet a boyfriend and make more friends. If you go out drinking and dancing and that's not your thing aren't you more likely to meet people you continual want to do this, thus the cycle continues.

I know I am past the stage in my life where I want to have big nights on the town. Why not join groups that involves activities during the day, like hiking, cooking classes, drawing classes, whatever your passions may be. That will give you chance to a) meet like minded people and b) not put yourself in situations where you feel uncomfortable.

I know I use to have a lot of big nights on the town and to be honest the drinking and lack of sleep etc made me feel like crap, anxious the next day too, hence kicking of a binge purge cycle.

I know it must be hard to say no to your friends, but if you maintain friendships with them on your terms, dinner at your place, coffee dates in the weekend, if you they do a plan a night out and you say no, or come for some but not all of it, they won't feel like they are being neglected entirely.

I just think it's so important to do what keeps you calm and gives you peace of mind as only you know what you a really going through.

Good luck and I am sending lots of support.

katzcurrent
katzcurrent's picture
Thank you both so much. I

Thank you both so much. I can't tell you how much better it makes me feel to hear your input. And I think you're both right. Part of this is a matter of simply not liking rowdy environments and I'd thought something similar to what Valarie said: why would I want to meet people who enjoy activities that I dislike? But Erin is right, too. Some of this is anxiety over and beyond not enjoying the situation. I don't want to make decisions based in fear. I want to be objective and straightforward about my activities. If I don't like it, I don't like it, and I don't have to continue doing it. But that's different than fearing it. Most of what I fear (I think) is my own reaction to the situation, which is losing control. In that way, going out to clubs is a bit like introducing a trigger food... maybe a trigger food I don't even really like, such as potato chips. I don't really need them in my life and I don't enjoy them much, but I don't want to avoid them out of fear.

One helpful thing is imagining an alternate scenario: what if it was a middle of the night museum showing or opening night for a movie I really wanted to see? Would I still be anxious? Not nearly as much. But there would still be a sense of fear about not being in my regular routine. ... off to see a movie at this very minute - part of a film festival. And I do have a bit of those dreaded feelings of "ugh, it's too late." But I know it's something I will enjoy.

Another thing: I want to be okay just being myself in an unfamiliar environment. I want to be okay being the introverted person at an extroverted function. There's nothing wrong with that, but I always feel pressure to "perform." It would be so liberating to just show up and be kind of passive. When I look at my "socially successful" introverted friends, that's what they seem to do. They just show up and be part of the crowd. It takes all types.

One thing I absolutely love are dinner parties. I think I'll make it a point to host one sometime soon! Anyway, thanks again to both of you

reese1
reese1's picture
i understand when you say

i understand when you say going out is like a trigger food. i actually do enjoy goingout, dancing, drinking and having a nice dinner but for some reason i feel "out of control" and need to bp when i get home. like i just cant accept having a good night out and indulging in a few drinks or god forbid.. dessert! i've been trying to balance things out a bit, like going out and having just a few drinks or going out to dinner but not going overboard so that i can still enjoy myself but not feel like i have to punish myself later on by getting rid of it. its hard but the more i do it the easier it'll get. last time i went out late and came home pretty drunk and i basically had a small snack (because i had no dinner, we had just gone to a bar) and then took an otc sleeping remedy. not the best i know, but it got me through the night.
another time i came home late after a night out and just reminded myself let me just get through tonight... if i really really want to i can do it tomorrow. sometimes that works and sometimes it doesnt (as in i bp the next day) but it can me through that immediate time, and sometimes thats all you need to get through that moment in time when its just SO HARD.
good luck and let us know what happens friday.

Reese

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