Anyone struggle with marijuana use?

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peachrose
peachrose's picture
Anyone struggle with marijuana use?

Ever since I was a teen my bulimia has gone hand in hand with my pot use. I've been smoking pot for ages, although I didn't at all while I was pregnant. I've been really successful in my life so far. Finished college, got a great career, a loving husband and now a wonderful 10 month old son. I've always prided myself in being able to be really productive and keep my smoking pretty low profile. I've sort of convinced myself that "it's not that bad" because I am still fully functioning and most people would have no idea that I smoke.

But since my son has been born I have been smoking more than ever. At first it was because he was a colicky newborn and I felt like it really helped me deal with it. But now, he's nearly a year and I'm so disapointed with myself for continuing to smoke so much. I don't smoke a lot in quantity but at least once a day. It doesn't help that I live in BC, Canada where it's quite commonplace and although not legal, it certainly is very relaxed here compared to other parts of the world. I find it really helps my irratibility and moodiness. I feel happy and mellow when I smoke. But smoking is a real trigger for me to binge.

I had an epiphany recently when I took a pregnancy test. It was negative and even though we aren't trying to conceive, I was so disapointed because I thought "If I'm pregnant then I can stop smoking pot." It's like I would do it for my child but not for myself. I think it comes from a deep feeling of not being worthy. So today is day one of my recovery from my marijuana addiction. I've been doing much better with my bulimia since joining a month of so ago. But I KNOW that my progress would be better if I wasn't smoking. Not to mention my health would improve and I would be a better mother.

I would love to know that I'm not alone if there is anyone else dealing with this. I feel nervous about seeking help in real life since my greatest fear is having my son taken away from me.

Catherine Liberty
Catherine Liberty's picture
Hi Peachrose! I know it took

Hi Peachrose!

I know it took a lot of courage for you to write this post, and while no one else has commented as yet I want you to know that you are not alone on this, you're really not. I never struggled with marijuana use personally but I have met so many people in the past few years who really have struggled with it and other drugs.

I think a lot of the time drugs and bulimia can go hand in hand, and research really does indicate that.

I put this article together a while back on substance abuse and bulimia:
http://www.bulimiahelp.org/articles/connection-between-bulimia-substance...

I think you've made a great realization when you said that you wished you were pregnant so you could stop for your baby. That really does shout out that you don't feel important enough to stop for yourself. But bulimia really does give you such low self worth, it's challenging to break free from that I know.

Something I found helped me a lot in recovery was using positive affirmations. I would tell myself i was important, that I deserved to recover and so on - and even though I didn't believe those things at first (far from it in fact) somehow saying them over and over really seemed to change the way I thought about myself.

Maybe you could try something similar? Tell yourself that you are worth it, even though you wont believe it at first.

I promise you you're not alone though, and I hope that some more people might feel brave enough to comment here :)

Let us know how you're getting on!

Catherine x

BlackRose430
BlackRose430's picture
YESS! I also struggle with

YESS!
I also struggle with smoking weed. For a long time I was a complete stoner smoking all day everyday. Then quit for about 3 months, but couldnt keep it up. Now, I have come to a compromise of only smoking at night. Its still a bad habit that I would one day like to quit, but for now im satisfied with keeping it at that limit. Its been working for me since i am able to function/be productive throughout the day and then reward myself by relaxing at night. I dont know if this will be helpful to you, since many of my friends tried to cut down but were forced to go cold turkey since they couldnt limit it to night time only. I think its worth a try though. Let me know how it goes.
Take care :)

missdawes
missdawes's picture
Hi Peachrose. I don't have a

Hi Peachrose. I don't have a problem with marijuana, per se, but I do have an addictive personality. So this is more a response to Catherine's post about substance abuse and Bulimia. I found the 'multi-impulsive Bulimia' label interesting. It implies that these folk have no ability to discriminate and grab at anything to give them some reprieve from whatever it is they are trying to escape (or alternatively to get whatever it is they need more of).

I don't know if you have read The Road Less Travelled, by M Scott Peck? But he refers to 'delayed gratification' and says that that is a personality skill which addicts haven't gained. It's something you are supposed to learn when you are a child. You learn it from good parents and by having a feeling of safety/security - which means it is safe to wait cos whatever it is will still be there tomorrow/later. If you don't have that feeling of security then you grab at things now because there's every chance it'll not be there tomorrow, and this is the only opportunity you'll get to have it. I think that that explains, quite well, why some people have multiple addictions, and others don't.

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