Ashamed?

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AlexLilyFlower
AlexLilyFlower's picture
Ashamed?

The fact i'm bulimic is now known by practically everyone I know. Over the years I told my sister's, my mum, my dad, my cousin (who asked) and friends I felt comfortable with. However I know for a fact it has been gossiped about and spoken about out of concern within my group of friends and people I'm friends with but not even that close to. I have had people approach me about it out of concern and people often give me the once over with their eyes, as in boyfriends of friends I've told, or my sisters close friends. Basically 'its got about'. Most of the time I'm OK with that. i mean its to late now and things blow over and who cares what people think. But then suddenly I will have these moments where I get insanely paranoid and insecure about the fact people know I have a problem with gorging myself on food and then throwing it up! like im so ashamed! I've only ever had people being kind about it, and mostly I don't care. How does anyone else feel about this? i feel as though ive been to open maybe. Or maybe its fine.

a.l.s

rainbowsandunicorns
rainbowsandunicorns's picture
Hey! I think it's very

Hey!

I think it's very courageous that you have told so many people. I haven't told anyone about B/p-ing. Only a handful of people that are very close to me know that I have problems regarding food/weight etc, because I am too ashamed to tell the whole story.
Having people know what you're going through can only help you because they can at least try to understand what you feel. And if they dare judge you for something that you didn't ask for to happen, then you might want to reconsider your relationship with them. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I think friends should be there to support you no matter what. Don't worry about what other people might think. They have no idea what it's like to live with this ED. Instead, focus on being positive, happy and healthy and I suggest surrounding yourself with people who are. It's inspiring :)

Xxx Suzy

LeaLea
LeaLea's picture
I've always been ashamed by

I've always been ashamed by it and it stopped me telling people for years. It wasn't until I was hospitalised with anorexia that I told anyone at all! After I came out of hospital I had gained weight and people made comments, which I hated- that's when I was first honest about having anorexia, but I lied and said it was all behind me. My deep, dark secret was still there, the looming bulimic mister that had emerged to cope with appearing normal after hospital to fool everyone!
Now, nearly two years on, I finally confessed to my boyfriend I was vomiting after all my meals, but still casually skipping the parts where I have binge purge days, the laxatives, over exercising and all that goes with it. He is the most kind, loving and supportive person I have ever known, but I still keep him on a need to know basis with the bulimia ins and outs. I've told him as much as I can bear him to know and I hope it's enough for him to understand bulimia and how it has ruined my life.

Don't worry about being ashamed. It's ok I think, to not tell all the truths in all detail, as long as you tell no lies to cover things up. I believe honesty is the best way forward, but in my eyes, I still want to protect myself from vulnerability, as well as protect them from the horrors their loved one has gone through.

Lea

Angel333
Angel333's picture
You have absolutely NOTHING

You have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed about. You are so brave about being so open and honest with this disorder.
Everybody has their own personal struggles and this is yours and the fact you confide in those nearest and dearest to you shows you are willing to accept and work on those struggles and are reaching out for support from those around you.
Yes people wll have been talking about you, but for the majority it will be out of concern more than anything. People don't want to see you fail, they want you to be happy and healthy. The problem is so many will have such little understanding but those closest to you, as you have told me, are doing everything in their power to understand and educate themselves with as much knowledge as they can. ANd they are doing this for you babes! Because they love and care for you so much and want you to be happy.
So please never, ever be ashamed of who you are! Because no one else is ashamed of you. And I would have fallen apart many times without the support I have had from you.
Lots of love xxx

'We are each of us angels with only one wing, so we can only fly by embracing each other'

AlexLilyFlower
AlexLilyFlower's picture
Thank you girls for your kind

Thank you girls for your kind words and reassurance. I think I have got so used to talking about my Bulimia and eating problems that I suddenly have these moments where i'm like god what have I done everyone knows my dark secret! But your right. People who care about me are the only ones who's opinion matter and anyone who has anything else to say behind my back are probably just shocked and don't know the 1st thing about Bulimia, and why would they! Massive love to you girls, stay strong and keep going in recovery :) xxx

a.l.s

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