back again

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singmak
singmak's picture
back again

So I am back...again. I feel like a failure since I am "starting over" yet again. I am in this pattern where I am able to have a week or so of success and then fall right back down again. I am almost afraid to come back on this site looking for help because since I have tried it before - and have not been back for awhile - I feel like I almost dont "deserve" to be here....if that makes sense. I am looking for support and help trying to make that step to a long lasting recovery.

KatieW01
KatieW01's picture
I totally understand how you

I totally understand how you feel as I am in the same boat. I feel totally out of control with my eating and it makes me an angry person. I can't believe how addictive food and bingeing can be! I wish was addicted to gardening or suduko or something non-destructive.
Wishing is clearly not going to help me though, so I just got to turn up again tomorrow and try again.

LeaLea
LeaLea's picture
Don't beat yourself up about

Don't beat yourself up about being back at the start. Look at the little achievements you've made prior to today- even if you never seem to make it past a single day without relapsing, still count each day as a success in its own right. It's really important to recognise the small triumphs, or you'll lose faith in yourself.

I'm doing a day one ... then I relapse ... then a day one ... then I relapse and it goes on and on, you get the picture. If I saw my relapses as myself as a failure, I would never try to do a day one again and I'll always have an eating disorder! I try again and again and again and if it takes me months to get a true day two, then so be it! I'll get there, at my own pace, learning as I go and becoming stronger each time. I have over twenty years of anorexia and bulimia behind me, where it never believed I could recover and apart from being in hospital, no days of recovery, if I'm honest. I don't know how I'm still alive- but I am! And I'm going to beat this so I can keep living. One day recovery is one more success, even when I fall the next day. It's one more day of being good to myself that I have not given myself over the years.

Try and see the small things, such as you being here and wanting to recover, as a huge positive. It's a massive step forward just recognising you are needing help and wanting to change things for the better.

Lea

Angel333
Angel333's picture
Don't beat yourself up over

Don't beat yourself up over it. I think every single person on this site can relate to 'starting over again'
That's the curse of the disorder...but you become stronger and stronger every single time. Because you have more tools and knowledge and understanding of what to expect...never give up x

'We are each of us angels with only one wing, so we can only fly by embracing each other'

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