I have not been on the site for neatly 2 months. Part of the reason why is because I have been doing just awful, and getting on here would just be a reminder that I am not doing what I should be doing. Maybe summer was just harder because the kids were out of school, our schedules were crazy and a lot of travel going on. I have not even tried to do recovery. Instead I keep "trying" to lose more weight, and sabotage myself nearly every day because I B/P. The two weeks that I DID try to do a SEP, I gained. A LOT (not allowed to say numbers, but it was not just a few pounds, believe me) So, that sent me into a panic mode, and I started restricting again, and have been up and down for the last 2 months. I KNOW in my head what I need to do, but I just do not feel as though I can start recovery when I am still 20 pounds higher than my goal. I must have been crazy to think I could have done this. I assume there is someone out there who has experienced this and must know how I feel.... help.