Binging in dreams leads to binging in reality??!!

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Walker
Walker's picture
Binging in dreams leads to binging in reality??!!

This might sound crazy but this happened this morning:

Last night i was very close to binging, i was almost calling my friend to cancel our cinema plans when she called saying she was on her way and her son was coming and they would get the tickets. So i ate something (rye bread sandwich) and got out of home. I didnt take much money to avoid temptations on the way home. I was craving sweet so i bought some gummies for the movie. Afterwards i went home and got in bed. Safe evening.

This morning i woke up feeling tired and decided to let myself sleep more (which i normally dont do). Anyway i took my healthy breakfast and went back to bed, i thought this way i wouldnt wake uo too hungry. I slept another 2 hrs. and woke up, this time i was dreaming i ate some sweets and i jumped out of bed with an enormoues impulse, like posessed... i still felt exhausted but i just put my shoes on and ran to the supermarket across the street. Obviously binged and purged and then felt terrible and cried... I start to feel this is not getting easier and i just dont know what im doing wrong, why is my body so tired if im eating good?? and as if its not enough, my clothes are just more tight!!

Im feeling so sad and lonely. So today i decided to write for the first time, first my profile and then this entry. If anyone is reading thanks for letting me know!!

Walker

Catherine Liberty
Catherine Liberty's picture
It doesn't sound crazy, not

It doesn't sound crazy, not at all! In fact I think you'd be surprised how common this can be. While having a bulimia dream doesn't always mean that you'll relapse in real life, sometimes the emotions that occur as a result can push you over the edge and lead you into a binge.

When you have a second take a read over this article on relapse dreams, it could be really helpful: http://www.bulimiahelp.org/articles/does-having-bulimia-dream-mean-you%E...

I want you to know that it's really normal to feel as though you're doing something wrong, or that recovery isn't working when things are still very challenging, but this is just the nature of recovery.

Changes and progress can be painfully slow sometimes, even when you're eating well you're so emotionally drained by the demands of recovery that you can still lack energy, but this doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, and I promise you it is going to get better. You just have to give you body the time it needs. By going back to sleep you really listened to the needs of your body and this is a wonderful thing to do!

Bloating in recovery is just horrible, at one time I went up a couple of sizes, and I know how scary that can be. But bloating is temporary and it will pass. You can experience some weight fluctuations, but these are temporary too, in the long run your body will only gain "needed" weight, and you will find a way to make peace with your set point - even if right now you can't imagine a time when you'll ever feel comfortable in your own skin.

Take care and please hang in there. I know it's frustrating waiting for things to get easier, but you will get there.

Catherine x

Walker
Walker's picture
Thanks so much Catherine, im

Thanks so much Catherine, im having some hard days and at moments i feel im going backwards as this last week i have been BP every day and im terrified. Its also good to know that my lack of energy is normal because it gets me down to not be able to do all the things i program in my day to get my mind away from bulimia, and the next thing i know im just binging because i dont feel i can do anything else anyway and i kind of comfort with stopping the struggle...
But i wont give up, and i know this is some hard days and that i will get up and keep walking...
Big hug,

Walker

Determined 86
Determined 86's picture
Dear Walker, I saw your post

Dear Walker,
I saw your post and it's so relevant to me right now as this week alone I have had 2 dreams of relapse! The first time I had one of those dreams was very early on in recovery and it did result in a relapse and I was confused and upset as you are feeling. But the good news is, is that this week I have not relapsed after my dreams and now they seem to almost be a motivator for me to stay strong because they remind me what it's like to b/p without the physical relapse. I tell you this in hopes that you can be reassured that it does get easier in time, although those dreams are so so hard and I hate them, it is possible to learn how to turn them into something positive.
Take care xxo

Just be happy with yourself and its so simple to grow <3

Walker
Walker's picture
Thank you very much

Thank you very much Determined!!
i keep having BP dreams but im changing my reaction or feelings towards them, and i guess this is some kind of progress...

Send u a big hug!!

Walker

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