Binging but not purging

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syedahum
syedahum's picture
Binging but not purging

So I have been trying my best to go back to being positive. I have been working out regularly now and according to my calorie needs, my body keeps wanting to eat the maintenece amount. this is bugging me because it is a lot. It makes me feel like a little piggy and fat. I feel like I am gaining weight because I eat so much and no amount of normal food can satisfy me, I always want/ need a second serving.
I am trying to focus on not wanting to be thing but work on fixing my mental state but it is getting difficult. It would be so much easier if I could eat without thinking that "omg, people watching me must think of me as a pig" but this seems to be my body's decision.
Please help. Please!

"If you are going through hell, keep going till you find the exit"

" Keep moving forward. Purging is the disorder, Binging is your body fixing it. Structured eating is the medication"

syedahum
syedahum's picture
I am going backwards

Okay, so I just had a meal and I think I am just going backwards, I am making no progress it is just getting worse.

I didnt have the urge to overeat or eat till satisfied, now I just wanted to binge. Please help

"If you are going through hell, keep going till you find the exit"

" Keep moving forward. Purging is the disorder, Binging is your body fixing it. Structured eating is the medication"

caitlin1988
caitlin1988's picture
I am here for you!

It's ok! I know it feels weird at first, but you are not going backwards! Just remember that you are worth it. You are worth getting away from the terrible bulimia. You are worth it to eat healthy. You are worth it to be here with us! Don't give up, babe!

"Wow, look how beautiful I am."

syedahum
syedahum's picture
I just cant do it though

I've tried to think positive, I've tried to cheer myself up, I've tried to be normal. Nothing works. I just went backwards and almost binged today, not just overate like I have been doing for the last few days.
I wish I could just purge. I dont even know where I am because I dont really ever purge, havent done it in 4 months. Because I never really figured out how to easily. I feel like if I were to be able to purge or be anorexic, atleast I would be happy in my own little deceptive world. It is such a sad and unreal thing to say, but I just want out. I keep telling myself that I dont want to be thin, just happy.. but who am I kidding..
I am looking forward to my assessment tomorrow and am hoping it takes me out of this mental torture!

"If you are going through hell, keep going till you find the exit"

" Keep moving forward. Purging is the disorder, Binging is your body fixing it. Structured eating is the medication"

Angie Vldz
Angie Vldz's picture
ur trying! is that what

ur trying! is that what matters? we all go thru hard times, we fail, we b/p but we try to stop that behavior, dont give up.

*Ng*

syedahum
syedahum's picture
almost purged after 4 months purgefree

I walked to the bathroom, lifted up the toilet seat cover... but then started balling my eyes out instead. It isnt helpful when you keep trying and just start moving backwards instead.
I am sorry, I will leave this site now, my negativity is getting way out of hand..

"If you are going through hell, keep going till you find the exit"

" Keep moving forward. Purging is the disorder, Binging is your body fixing it. Structured eating is the medication"

Amee6700
Amee6700's picture
Please don't. If you have

Please don't. If you have gone that long, then you have come too far to give up now. Bad things happen, that doesn't mean we should lump our whole existence into the "bad" category. You are probably giving more support to others looking at your situation than you realize. Think about the individuals who are going through hell just because they went a single day with purging. You have the potential to inspire so many people.

syedahum
syedahum's picture
I cant do this on my own

I am waiting to get professional help now. I cant do this on my own. I am at my lowest point ever- almost purging after 4 months of being purge free? Now I am just going to gain weight from my binge anyway. What is the point of it anyway. If I knew exactly how to make myself purge and didnt know that purging doesnt really help and only makes me want to binge more instead of satisfying my body, I would have stuck my head in that toilet today.
I will let you all know what I learn from help- it'll hopefully be soon. I am sick of this.

"If you are going through hell, keep going till you find the exit"

" Keep moving forward. Purging is the disorder, Binging is your body fixing it. Structured eating is the medication"

syedahum
syedahum's picture
letting go of my bf coz of bulimia

I have been doing some thinking and I have decided that if I cant love myself and be myself completely at this moment then I shouldnt be in a relationship with someone who deserves the best. I know people will tell me that he should be with me through thick and thin and such, but I want only the best for him and I am not at my best right now.

Tonight I am going to tell my bf that we should go on a break until I get better. I love him to bits so this is killing me.
I am also getting an assessment done at the hospital tomorrow.
Hoping for the best.
Please share any thoughts or advice.

"If you are going through hell, keep going till you find the exit"

" Keep moving forward. Purging is the disorder, Binging is your body fixing it. Structured eating is the medication"

Miss H
Miss H's picture
did you break up with him? i

did you break up with him? i hope you didn't. partly because although i understand why you say about not being in a relationship where you can't love yourself, it doesn't mean that each of you don't love each other. and sometimes it can really help, just knowing that you have someone there who does love you. and someone to try and get better for. my boyfriend is so happy with me and so proud that i haven't purged since dec 30th. which is so nice to know. it's so nice to continuously get those congratulations, those good rewarding, positive comments that we all so desperately need

as for the purging, i am glad you didn't. as far as i'm concerned, purging just makes things worse. it is far too easy for me to purge. but it doesn't stop you bingeing. you just end up doing it again and again and again. i still overeat sometimes but i stop sooner than i did when i was purging all the time.

and it completely messes up your skin...

good luck. keep at it. things will get better and you will feel more positive sometime soon.
big hug x

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