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ElleMarie's picture


Poppet's picture
Hi there lovely one! Yes,

Hi there lovely one!

Yes, yes, yes, and yes!

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I also struggle when I like a guy and keep on obsessing over him. Thinking through each thing that i have said a million times, waging for him to show interest, being terrified of being rejected...

It's not easy to be into a guy and have things not work out exactly as excepted. When the guy I am seeing/interested in is not interested in me . I always think that I am not good enough - ie not attractive, not hot, not slim, not feminine... But in reality that's not true. Ok, maybe there are some physical and metal attributes that trigger guys interest - but at the end of the day, who we - each and everyone of us - like and find attractive is such a subjective thing! And why we behave the way we behave is also something hat varies greatly from one person to another.

Where am I going with all of this? What I want to say is that however he is treating you has absolutely NoTHING to do with you. Nothing. Think about it. I am sure in the past at some stage you have been rude, dismissive, mean, stingy, etc. with someone in your life - for no good reason. Yes? Maybe your partner, parents, friend. if you can recall at least one time, can you also recall why you acted the way you did? I bet you it had not so much something to do with the person you were dealing with but much more with where your head space and mood were? Right? And I even bet that you felt slightly guilty afterwards - yes?

So the same goes for this guy.

He is most probably dealing with some things himself - maybe not an eating disorder but some issue that is affecting him much more than what you may suspect.

I would think that if possible, showing some compassion may help. Or cutting it off by simply stopping communicating with him. I was once in a poisonous relationship with a drug addict. He was abusive. I was totally into him. My parents and friends were terrified. I thought that 'I had to live my relationship with him and see where it goes'. I don't regret it, but I can now see how my views of his and my behaviour were distorted - in an unhealthy way.

I hope this quick response helps.

I have to go to a BBQ, and am starving!


ElleMarie's picture
Thank you so much for

Thank you so much for understanding as you have gone through a similar situation! It's addicting to be attracted to people who are not the healthiest for us. I still find myself wanting to be with this guy and checking his tweets even though its SELF sabotaging. It's so bad for me but I feel like I CANNOT be alone because if I can't throw up or binge that i have to have something in my life thats there so it might as well be the lesser of all evils : A guy, good or bad. And I know this hinders my future. But I feel fucked like I need it. Just like how i was with the eating disorder. On day 36th, I try to take about it in the past tense because I don't want to give that ED any power. I HATE ED so much and everything it has done to my life. Thanks for your condolences for my mom. I really appreciate that. I cut him off since my sister basically told him to leave me alone and I know he now will never talk to me but again like the disorder its like once u know its done for good u want to go back on what you said and act like its not as bad. BUT you can't. I feel so fucked and insane. SORRY TO RANT. and swear like a sailor :(

ArtyFarty's picture
Hi ellemarie, I have noticed

Hi ellemarie,

I have noticed that I let men rule my feelings. Im always trying to attract them or impress them some way. So I decided to give them a rest for a while, push them all away and TRY to forget about finding a mate for a while.

I told my boyfriend in that I could only offer him friendship as I had too much to deal with whithin myself and cant commit to him even tho i do love him.
It was hard. I saw him get together with another woman. He would come to my house to check on me as a friend and tell me how much he still loved me and thought about me when he slept with her. If he didnt tell me these things I would have been fine. I would have just got over him. It lead me to get really jealous of his relationship with her. We even hooked up again 3 times while he was with her. So he cheated on her with me. And he is not the cheating type. This just hurt me and made me question why I let him go and what was wrong with me.
Long story short, hes still in my life. He still says he loves me. He is no longer with that woman and he wants to help me to get better.
He has been the best thing ever. I spilled my guts out to him about what goes on with me and the food and he was so curious he even asked me to give him some more information.
He reads up about the disorder and now he just helps me every day. We hang out sometimes, cook food together and he checks in on me every day. Sometimes we even sleep in the same bed for comfort although I know he wants more. He does want a relationship I think, but the more he knows about my struggles, the more he lets me get on with it and he just helps. He doesnt pressure me like he used to and he enjoys helping me.
Its weird. I never saw this coming.
And now im starting to let myself love him and I can actually see a future together maybe. But Im not really thinking about that or obsessing about it, Im just letting things happen naturally.
And if he decides he doesnt want to be with me in the future or he decides its all too much for him to keep supporting me, then I will accept it.
You cant force someone to love you, care for you, think about you... I know this first hand, it just doesnt work.
Things need to happen naturally. It is what it is. Forcing things just doesn't work.

So if this guy you cant get over is driving you nuts, may I suggest you take a big step back and focus on yourself and stop worring about what he thinks about you. I know its easier said than done... but it can be done and it does get easier.

Then you will see what is meant to happen just happens.

This is just one of my experiences and i thought it could help to share it with you!

We really are all in this pickle together and it does help to simply share and talk.
:) hope you have a great day!

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