Bulimia and random associations w/TV, Movies, Music, Websites, Clothes, etc,

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gossipgirl84's picture
Bulimia and random associations w/TV, Movies, Music, Websites, Clothes, etc,

Over the course of your disorder, have you developed associations between bulimia and totally random things?

For almost 2 years, all my college classes were in the afternoon. As a result, most of my mornings were free and open for whatever. My parents were at work and nobody was around at this time. I would b/p in the morning while watching Regis and Kelly, followed by the The View and then the news at noon.

Also, at that time, I was discovering college life off campus, i.e. clubbing, partying, drinking, etc. I would often buy my 'clubbing/party' clothes at the same store. I would often b/p before going out to look my best and fit in those perticular clothes.

Today, now that I am trying to recover, I have a hard time watching Regis and Kelly, the View, and refuse to buy or go into the store where I used to purchase these clothes.

Has anybody else experienced bad association to totally random things because of your bulimia??

Gossip Girl

Miss H
Miss H's picture
I associate watching House

I associate watching House with spending entire days in bingeing. My boyfriend bought me the first series because he thought I'd enjoy it, but now I just associate it with bingeing, which is a shame, coz I really liked it.

the_fix's picture
During my really bad days I

During my really bad days I would binge/purge every 3rd day, all day and the other 2 days I would consume nothing except for low-carb monster energy drinks. I can't handle those things anymore because I associate them with such a terrible time. I had one a few weeks ago and all it tasted like was "bulimia."

Take care of today and tomorrow will take care of itself.

little shell
little shell's picture
yep t.v. shows and movies.

yep t.v. shows and movies. house is one for me. all the trashy reality shows. i'd turn 'em on and binge - i loved when a good reality show marathon came on because they're so pathetic they made me not feel quite so badly about myself. i generally don't watch much t.v. on a regular basis - so any time i'm just sitting in front of the t.v. it tends to cue a binge.

"you can call me crazy - but i think you're as crazy as white paint on the wall.."

shaz513's picture
um yea, I've got some weird ones

the gym, marriage, cooking dinner and unfortunately christmas dinner.

the gym and marriage b/c my ex husband was an active supporter of my ED and encouraged it at every opportunity. He is a personal trainer, so now I associate the gym with purging, either through 4 hour marathon sessions, the toilets there, and the image that whole gym culture promotes of restriction and visual ideals.
actually, he's the reason for the cooking dinner one too, because I would cook all his meals, but wasn't allowed to eat any of that "normal person food" myself. Even a taste would force a purge.
and the saddest one of all, christmas dinner. b/c I always feel like I shoouldn't have eaten it ... at all ... possibly because it is "normal person food", and I would be sent marching to get rid of it if I had over the impossibly small amount I was allowed.

... well, sodd that! this year will be different! I'm going in with the plan to eat a reasonable amount (not a binge), and I will enjoy it.

actually, there are some other associations that are popping into my memory ...
protein powder, energy drinks, tofu, vitamin pills.
hmmmm! are we seeing a pattern?

Hugs to u all! X

little shell
little shell's picture
oh shaz. what an ASS. it

oh shaz. what an ASS. it blows my mind sometimes what other people who supposedly "love" us put us through. it sounds like you are far out of that situation? and i'm so glad! you are so strong for bouncing back! and look how far you've come now :)


"you can call me crazy - but i think you're as crazy as white paint on the wall.."

gossipgirl84's picture
I can't believe a husband

I can't believe a husband would do something like that, promote unhealthiness and generate bad self image of the person he is married to.

I am really happy you are on this website and seem to be fighting back.

Gossip Girl

backslide_cyanide's picture
6 years ago, when i got the

6 years ago, when i got the phone call that one of my friends had died from an overdose i was in the middle of a huge binge and they called me during a gallon of watermelon sherbert. what a shitty memory... i was shocked and upset and wanted to go to my nearest friends house and cry and be comforted immediately but i had to go puke first.

also, when i was in the first of three really bad depressions, i would get out of bed late (if i got up at all) and go downstairs and pig out and watch 7th heaven in my nasty bathrobe. it wasnt even a good show. there was just nothing else on at that time when i was unemployed and a not in school and wanted to watch something mindless and happy.

oh and old uniforms and work tshirts from restauraunts i was employed at that i would binge at during/after work.

backslide_cyanide's picture
shaz im really sorry you even

shaz im really sorry you even know someone like that let alone were married to him. im glad you arent anymore. do you have kids? i hope that mentality isnt passed onto to anyone else.

whynot's picture

@backslide_cyanide..I totally feel ya friend...a friend overdosing..when one should immediately be there..but having to purge first....! I have not had that happen..but have been in situations that I need to go immediately..but had to purge first....it sickens me......!

I used to go have drinks with friends & eat fattening food & leave to go home (so I could binge) then purge.....now I find that I cannot really go out drinking with them or it triggers me to want to b/p. I am on Day 19 & allowed myself to actually go out yesterday...it triggered me...but I did not give in.

Hugs & Help xoxoxo

Letgoandletgod's picture
Yes, when my boyfriend, who's

Yes, when my boyfriend, who's away now, is telling me that he made a whole plate of nachos and needs to eat it before it gets cold.... he can binge eat too.
I used to watch bad soap operas in the early afternoon and b/p.... and I think soap operas suck (no offense). Weird.
A fridge filled with food is kinda hard too.

the_fix's picture
I have another

Terribly enough, my mom's house reminds me of bulimia. She moved there right as this thing took off and I spent my darkest times raiding the cupboards, sneaking out in the middle of the night for food, and binging on the kitchen floor. I have never lived in the house without bulimia so I have no positive memories of the place. Unfortunately just being there is a huge trigger for me, so I usually avoid the place and as a consequence my mom.

Take care of today and tomorrow will take care of itself.

bluestickienotes99's picture
My major trigger place

is my room. That completely sucks because, I have to sleep sometimes.
I also associate any tv show with it too.

"I'm halfway to happy now, and I always mistake it for progress."

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