Bulimia & Your Marriage

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JessicaNoelle's picture
Bulimia & Your Marriage

Since trying to recover from Bulimia, my marriage has been put to the test! We fight alot more and about silly things like how messy the home is or even over sleep! I feel like I've been more stressed out and picking fights like crazy.

I feel alittle lost of how to try to remain calm when it feels like my whole world is falling apart? So the smallest things are driving me crazy, probably trying to find some sort of control over my life. But I feel like I am taking it out on the people I love! I told my husband that I will need a little more grace through this time but he can't seem to do this! I know it's hard on him but I can't help but feel so misunderstood and that he doesn't understand totally about how hard this is and how this effects my whole life!! ( I've told him...but he still doesn't get it)

When we fight it is definately hard for me to take care of myself...

Does anyone experiencing this?

Any advice is welcomed!! I'm new so I don't know if there is another post just like this, sorry if there is!

Jessica Noelle

BitsyKilla's picture
I can't offer advice on your

I can't offer advice on your exact situation, but I know what you mean by taking it out on those around you. The irritability probably has a lot to do with your hormones trying to get back to normal as well as the psychological turmoil of losing your go-to security blanket. This is a bit long, but I hope it gives you some ideas. (warning: I've made some assumptions about your relationship. I don't know what it's like since only you two can know that)

***First, you need to realize that your hubby will never really understand what it's like. Nobody can unless they've experienced "the fog" of the binge session and the self hatred after the purge. But in extreme moments of frustration and anger let your love for your husband be what you focus on. Be thankful he is there even though he can't understand 100%. Be glad that unlike many of us in recovery you have a significnt other to lean on.

***Concrete steps:
Even though complete understanding isn't possible, you can bring your husband in on how important it is to your health that you recover, what your triggers might be, and that his help in the process is essential to your success. You should tell him that you don't expect him to comprehend what its like for you, but you'll need to lean on him sometimes for support and tenderness. You can work out a system to clue him in when you are particularly in need. Explain that this is a life-threatening illness and you desperately need his support to help you through.

You should also explain that your irritation is not about him and that your body is in a state of change.

***Managing mood swings:
More than just telling him about your recovery process, you neet to find a way to manage the mood swings and irritability. Lashing out at him will only drive him away when you need him the most.

Rather than pushing him away when you're feeling bad, bring him closer. Just tell him you're having a bad recovery day, but that you love him and are glad he's there to support you. That will have the effects of reminding him that he's part of your recovery, that you aren't angry at him, and it will remind you that you're lucky to have him in your life-which could further motivate you to stay in recovery and get over it faster so that your bad behavior doesn't drive him away.

I think because of the nature of the disease with the sneaking and shame we have a tendency to want to have a "hidden recovery" and not let it affect anyone else but ourselves. Of course, that's the thinking that got us into trouble in the first place. Let him in, make him part of your road to recovery, let him know you care, and hopefully in the end you'll be stronger individuals and a stronger more honest couple.

JessicaNoelle's picture
Thank you so much for your

Thank you so much for your comments! It's been a LONG time since I've been back to this site...things are ALOT different between him and I, much better! :)

Jessica Noelle

workout's picture
what do you do when you have

what do you do when you have a slip up are so motivated to get back on the train of 3months purge free and are hard enough on yourself about this and your partner is so critical and says right back where you started. i get it, he's seen slipups off and on and it deflates him, but it is so discouraging. why cant he see the 3months purge free the structured eating and all the effort ive put in and support it?

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