I am ready to give up!
I have heard of so many people that have a month or more free of binging after starting recovery before their first "relapse".
What! I guess that means I am a big fat failure.
I don't think I can say I have had a "relapse" because I hardly experienced any kind of improvement in the first place.
I binge to some degree everyday. Whether it be a small one in the last moments before I go to bed. Or intermittently all day.
I physically and mentally felt better for a short time because I was eating better. It is the first time I have tried structured eating without restriction in mind.
But I was binging less before I started this program!
I don't hear that from anyone else who has sucessfully recovered.
I want this hell to stop!
I eat more, I still binge, I eat less, I still binge. I starve, I still binge.
I have had problems with eating for too long to ever recover I guess.
I am not a peron I am a disorder.
I am not just an eating disorder.
I have not been okay since before I was ten years old.
I was born already stuffed up probably.
There is too much wrong with me.
I am sorry for the negativity. I don't wish to bring anyone else down.
I just want be okay, feel some hope and know that I do have a future that doesn't consist mostly of pain.
I wish all of you here on Bulimia Help the best for your recovery ♡