Cat's out of the bag...AT WORK.

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Deirdre611
Deirdre611's picture
Cat's out of the bag...AT WORK.

So I need to vent....I've been doing well in recovery and not purging for atleast a few weeks, which is the longest I've ever been able to go. When out of nowhere a coworker of mine asked if I had an eating disorder at work. We were in her office with the door shut, talking about other stuff when she just blurted out the question. I was mortified, but couldn't help crying uncontrollably either right there. It threw me off, and although I'm physically stronger, by emotions are ridiculously unstable.

Of course, that reaction answered her question. She asked for how long, and whether I was anorexic or bulimic. I told her to promise not to tell anyone; that it's the most shameful and delicate problem in my life, and then I told her. She told me to go home that day and rest, and go get professional help right away (which I had already done countless times, so 'No Thanks' on that) but I did go home regardless.

Turns out she freaking told somebody. And I work for a small company so believe me, word gets out. I'm thinking of quitting. Can anyone relate to betrayal like this? Does anyone have any advice?

Breathe. Feel. Process. Let go.

LeaLea
LeaLea's picture
Hi Deirdre. I'm sorry this

Hi Deirdre. I'm sorry this has happened to you, it's very painful to have trust broken like this.
If it helps, this happened to me, too. I told a couple of coworkers, more out of necessity because I was so I'll at the time and had to explain going into hospital for treatment, but in spite of confidentiality rules, the news spread like wildfire and before I knew it EVERYONE knew about my eating disorders.

I was ready to up and leave work and didn't want to face these people again, but to be honest, I was just wanting to rebuild those walls I'd had around me to maintain my safety zone. If they didn't know and I was in denial, I could somehow belittle the problem.

It was awful at the time, but after a while people stopped staring at me and giving me puzzled pity looks and they moved on to the next bit of gossip. I'm not really friends with any one I work with so I swear most of them don't care one hoot about my eating problems and couldn't care less about my mental health. Aside from the odd person who gets funny with me when food is offered, saying loudly that I won't have anything anyway so don't bothering offering, kind of attitude, truly no one cares.

I don't know what your coworkers are like, but it's quite likely you'll just experience "15 minutes of fame" then they'll move on to a more exciting target. Try to stick it out for a bit and see what happens. If you get questioned about it, tell them it's true, but you are in recovery now, so it's a boring thing of the past. And if you are game, tell them it's none of their bloody business! They'll get bored and move on soon enough and likely forget they even knew about it.

I hope this helps you a bit. It's going to be tough to start with, but you are better than just an eating disorder and people should respect you for who you are, not what troubles you may have.

Lea

Walker
Walker's picture
Hello Deirdre, Im so sorry

Hello Deirdre,

Im so sorry you had to meet this kind of person, but i think its now up to u to make the best of it, even if it sucks! I decided to "come out of the closet" with bulimia a few months ago, it was not easy but i talked about it to friends, boss, friends of friends, parents in law, and whomever brought up a topic that should get there. I must say it feels like such a relieve, to be sincere i talked about it rather in past tense, even if it was not completely gone, but this also helped my believe and manifest the fact of been healed. Yes, i understand this is pretty different as u have been forced to it and in a premature stage, but truth is you are on your way, you ARE already getting stronger, u are already one step forward than yesterday.

You know? we ALL have our little secrets and things we would rather not ventilate, all these people in ur office have them too, we would think they should be more considerate but truth is human nature is pretty cynical on these, we tend to look at people who expose their issues and comment on them, that´s why there is all that shit about star people on the magazines, but as Lea said, they will move on after ur 15 minutes of fame, specially if they have no more news, people get bored. Don´t eat in front of them if you dont feel yet comfortable, but do it when u go further into the process and have no problem eating a good sandwich and then going back to work... i mean don´t feed their curiosity but dont feel less than anybody, you are just the bravest one in the office right now, these kind of situations give us humility and valuable insight that will just make u a better you!

big hugs and hope the storm moves away soon.

Walker

courtneymayyy
courtneymayyy's picture
What a biatch.. I can relate

What a biatch.. I can relate to this totally. I was in middle school when I was severely anorexic and sick and I've heard it all. Everyone would stare at me, whisper about me, I heard tons of rumors. People would litterally message me on Facebook calling me an anorexic or bulimic bitch. I seriously just laugh about it now cuz it's so stupid to get upset over gossip from people who have no clue what you're going through. Anyone who is low enough to make fun of someone for an eating disorder I honestly feel bad for them considering they must be really unhappy themselves. I don't think you should quit. These things happen for a reason, and the best thing you can do is OWN THAT SHIT! You have to think ya I have an eating disorder, so fucking what. You're probably a wonderful worker, don't let this get you down. People probably already knew, and I know you feel naked and exposed now but now you just need to walk back in there with confidence and not let all the looks whispers or confrontation you might get. People will respect you if you own your problems, and hot hide and lie about them. Who knows, maybe you'll give someone else with an eating disorder in your office to confide in you and get some help! If anyone gives you shit tell them to go to hell:)
Much love! Xoxo

Deirdre611
Deirdre611's picture
Thanks guys! Lea you are so

Thanks guys! Lea you are so right- now that's it's been a few weeks, nobody seems to care at all or hound me when eating in the office. My 15 minutes of fame is up, lol. I'm glad I stuck it out and didn't quit. Courtney, I love your attitude and totally agree that people who make negative comments and say harsh things to people suffering from ANY disorder need to re-evaluate their OWN lives. I was so embarrassed the first week back, when I learned the word got out- but now I'm so much more confident to have gotten through it and not let the old thought of "Oh well, people see me as having an eating disorder, I might as well get sicker anyways" <---the mentality I used to have. I started wearing my sassy shoes (funky wedges and colorful heels) and wearing fancy blazers and outfits to work for the first time in many months. Thanks for all your helpful comments and advice! I will "own this" <3

Breathe. Feel. Process. Let go.

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