Competing with friends

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hmarky's picture
Competing with friends

Does anyone feel that they are competing with there friends when it comes to weight loss/management and exercise? My flatmate is a similar size to me and I feel like she is competing with me to stay as slim or slimmer than me. I haven't told her about my B/P and I eat in front of her all the time. We go to the same gym but now and then I feel like she is taking note of how much I eat and how often I am going to the gym. Sometimes I even think she is trying to make me fat, am I being paranoid? She bakes a lot but never eats it and I do, ofter triggering a binge! She gloats when she has gone to the gym and how much she did, and often asks what I did and when am I next going. Starting to feel like this relationship isn't helping my recovery. Please let me know if you get what I mean and if anyone else feels the same about one of their friends. I feel really paranoid about it, and think she is sometimes watching my weight more than I am:(

Saz82's picture
Yes yes and yes. They are

Yes yes and yes. They are jealous and more insecure than you are. My best friend from age 3 to age 28. I stopped talking to her her last May and I was devastated, like, REALLY. However, 16 months on and I realise I was too good for her and didn't deserve the poison she dished out behind my back. Lets just say things started to go good for me (met guy who earned good money, looked after me, I was soooo happy, then we got our lovely house first etc etc) - she couldn't stand it as was so used to being top girl (and loved being the skinniest and having people pining over this - what was I thinking???)and having everyone, including me, marvel at her looks, her figure, her outfits etc etc. The things I now know about what she used to say about me behind my back were just awful and I can't believe I was so stupid. Ok, so she was silly skinny (as a stick, and to be honest, its not attractive) and she got lots of attention because she was a flirt, etc. But you know what?, that does not make someone a nice person, and they are just going to bring you down. You are better than people like that and should rise above it. I'd rather be a bit bigger, and not wear designer clothes and spend hundreads on shoes or a handbag but a kind and thoughtful person, and a good friend, a good listener, than a couple dress sizes smaller and be a b*itch.
SO sorry if that was a rant a bit over the top and not on topic.... but this is a deep down sadness and anger I have. There IS more to life, and thats why us lovely people are on this site. We can be who we want and be happy :-) xxx Bottom line - you don't deserve to be made to feel inadequate or second best by anyone claiming to be your friend! ok? xx

If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian. ~Paul McCartney

Catherine Liberty
Catherine Liberty's picture
Yes! I used to have a

Yes! I used to have a "friend" at uni who was just like this, and I don't think it was me being paranoid. However looking back I'm pretty certain she had some eating problems of her own. Could your friend possibly have an eating disorder?

It's tough in recovery because we're just trying our best to get better and we don't want to cause conflict or get into very emotional situations that could be triggering, but if your friend is really getting to you then maybe you could think about talking to her about it?

If that was ever something you wanted to do it could be as simple as letting her know you're in recovery and that when she does certain things it makes recovery harder for you.

If you're really good friends and you want her to stick around in your life then it really could be worth thinking about talking to her. If not then maybe just try to spend a little more time apart. Think about your reactions and actions around her.

As you know she's likely to be triggering you can mentally rehearse some things that you might say to her. You could plan some "conversation changers" too that might help if she's always asking about the gym.

Although this friendship may not be the helthiest when it comes to recovery, it could be just what you need in other ways. I know that sounds crazy, because it makes recovery harder, but in the real world we will always find people like your friend. We can't change them, so in recovery, over time, we have to learn how to change our reactions towards them - and the only way we learn how to change our reactions is with practice.

I hope you'll be able to work something out lovely, and I couldn't agree more with the post from Saz above, you DO deserve to be happy, maybe it's time to start setting some boundaries?

take care

Catherine x

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