Contradictory info in the ebook!? Please help

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seaside.jen
seaside.jen's picture
Contradictory info in the ebook!? Please help

Hi all,
I have just emailed this to support@bulimiahelp.
Anyone feel confused about this? or able to help me?
Thank you as right now im feeling very disappointed and let down :(

Hi,
I have just started on Bulimiahelp and am finding it motivating to chat to other members but I have a big problem with the ebook. I dont think it is relevant to me. I have bulimia but I never went on a diet to get it. It just happened to me when I was a young child, I literally have no idea why. Everything about bulimia says on the site says its because of food restriction but i never did this! I feel like crying because i was sure this site could help me and now i feel like it cant at all. I NEVER restrict, i eat normally and sometimes i just NEED to throw up and I cant fight it. Once that need is there sometimes i eat more so i have something to throw up but i never plan a binge or starve then binge. Am i missing something?

Also there seems to be a contradiction: Supposedly we have binge urges due to hunger caused by malnutrition... yet you tell us that over a thousand calories remain after we vomit. Either we are emptied out by vomiting (therefore malnourished could make sense) or we are not emptied out by vomiting (which the ebook claims) If we are not emptied out by vomiting how are we then malnourished? Especially if I eat normally before and after throwing up? Plus how can a malnourished person gain weight? Which I do when Im in a bulimic episode, how can i be ingesting more calories than usual yet malnourished. There seems to be a massive contradiction here and Im losing trust in the information. Please reply. Thanks. jen

rebeccabot
rebeccabot's picture
Firstly, everyone is

Firstly, everyone is different so maybe this method is not right for you.

But, a couple of things I want to say. Malnutrition can still happen to people who are over weight or who over eat. For example, a lot of people on here binge on hugely sugary food, so they are getting their calories from sugars and fats but maybe very little protein. So in this case, it is easily true. People could be missing out of Omega 3's or Vitamin D or anything... this is malnourished.

In fact, here is the definition of Malnutrician: Malnutrition is the condition that results from taking an unbalanced diet in which certain nutrients are lacking, in excess (too high an intake), or in the wrong proportions.

In regards to why you are bulimic - because you never dieted, can I ask - what is your reason for throwing up? Were you trying to 'eat less'? Were you trying to lose weight? I never planned binges either - they just happened. Some things in the book are me to a tea - other things like planned binges are not. But the result is the same.

You say you eat normally, but you clearly don't because you purge your meals - this is a very unhealthy diet which ever way you spin it.

I want to say finally that although I had a lot of lightbulb moments reading the ebook, I was very sceptical about the power of the program. 7 weeks later I am not. Could it hurt to just try the steps and see where you get?

Much love xx

Lotah
Lotah's picture
Ultimately, I don't think it

Ultimately, I don't think it matters too much how we all ended up where we are. I think what brought us all here was the desperation to change our lives for the better, to escape from the pit of bulimia.
We have all used b/p as a coping mechanism. Some of us for nearly 30 years (!). And now we want to learn different ways of coping.
I wouldn't worry to much about all the theory (that is your perfectionist side coming out again lol). Give SE a go and see how you feel. I am pretty sure you will be amazed at the difference you will see in just a few weeks.
Ticking all the boxes and getting every just perfect is a common trait to most of us on here. Part of recovery is moving away from that black/white thinking and learning that grey is OK (I'm still working on that one - and on lots of other things!).
Thinking of you and sending lots of love and strength xxx

seaside.jen
seaside.jen's picture
Thank you all for replying, I

Thank you all for replying, I am so grateful that you've taken time out of our day to help me out, how kind xx

yes I can understand the points about being malnourished due to lack of certain food types, maybe. But it's this thing about restricting being the cause, therefore not restricting being a cure. I so want a cure! :(

One of my issues is that I feel like a freak, like my wiring's always been wrong. My bulimia started when I was a child, I knew nothing about diets, I was in Junior school. I do know that I felt like I was HUGE compared to the other kids (i wasnt) and the feeling of fullness in my belly made that more depressing and frightening. I can definitely say that I have an enormous and strangling fear of weight. I don't vomit every day, and I dont do planned binges. I feel now like im 'doing bulimia wrong' even!

youre also right about the perfectionist thing lol! im such a fuss arse! But i do need to fit all the pieces together before i can trust something, i think thats sensible enough, no?

seaside.jen
seaside.jen's picture
i meant "your" day :)

i meant "your" day :)

Mouli
Mouli's picture
I agree with the others above

I agree with the others above and just wanted to also add that when you are bingeing/ eating and purging your body holds and stores fat as it doesn't know when you may or may not eat again. When I started in the program I went in with blind faith and was absolutely blown away by the system and how it worked. IT all made sense. It was great. I didn't put on weight, in fact I found I lost weight and lost little pockets of fat that really used to bug me. That in itself says something. I wish you all the best in figuring it out. There are no rules or rights or wrongs, we create them in our perfectionistic (if thats even a word?????!!!!!) ways take care m x

susan2012
susan2012's picture
Jen, if you throw up you are

Jen, if you throw up you are malnourished. The retained 1200 calories are not NOURISHING you.

when you throw up the balancing of your body is f... up

i personally think that bulimia has to do with control issues which one moves on weight. Plus, all the mania to control weight is a way to cope with life anxiety. I often found myself worring about weight this way I would not think about quite more serious issues.

Everyone has its own bulimia which hides personal psycological issues. Obviously it is NOT only restricting (I know people who are dieting since they were born and do not have bulimia)

I think the ebook gives you a start. It teaches you how to PROPERLY nourish you..and if urges persist, it teaches you how to face them (excluding that they can be caused by under eating since the book teaches you how to eat and to feel and trust hunger again)

Most of all, the book teaches you that eating properly will not necessaily lead to weight gain and therefore to TRUST your body, your appetite and eventually let go the obsession on weight

Jen: did you ever ask yourself WHY you throw up? You say it is a need, but a need caused by? Plus, if you are obsessed with weight are you sure you are eating normally and not restricting?

seaside.jen
seaside.jen's picture
Ive been asking myself why

Ive been asking myself why for over twenty years, i still have zero idea what this is all about. (done all the counselling stuff, useless) I dont restrict, if anything i tend to eat a lot! (not just in my opinion). Conversely though I am petrified of weight gain. Last summer i was 3st lighter than i am right now (still miserable though!) and i was eating the same then! i feel like my body grows and shrinks as it likes, regardless of what i do. its like this alien entity that can change at will. If anything i feel i have no control over my weight, whether i eat or throw up or whatever, my body does as it pleases it seems. very frightening. i throw up because i cannot bear the feeling of fullness in my stomach (my fears are very centred around my stomach). i dont know, so confused x

rebeccabot
rebeccabot's picture
Hi Jen. I understand that you

Hi Jen.

I understand that you may be very detached from the reasons it began, or even why you do it now, but the process of recovery is much the same no matter how we got here.

This is very telling: 'i throw up because i cannot bear the feeling of fullness in my stomach (my fears are very centred around my stomach). i dont know, so confused'

This sentence pretty much describes everyone here, and is where you need to focus stop the cycle.

Try structured eating. It really will set you free. You need to get over the feeling of fullness - and learn about proper portions and riding out the urges.

You can do it.

How are you going today? Have you given structured eating a go?

x

seaside.jen
seaside.jen's picture
Hi, I have been trying to eat

Hi, I have been trying to eat small meals more frequently, which feels ok, I'm worried I'll end up eating more this way, but keep telling myself that it doesn't matter as long as Im not throwing up! I havent been sick since I started using this site 3 days ago. I put this down to several factors:

Im at the beginning of all this so motivation and focus are high;

being involved actively in a recovery process is making me naturally more mindful when I'm eating, for example I was preparing a bowl of cereal yesterday and caught myself about to throw a few pieces into my mouth during the preparation, I stopped myself and threw them to (very happy) beagle, this is good because I often mindlessly 'pick' at ingredients when cooking food which very often leads to the bathroom!

I think the biggest reason Ive managed 3 days is that I have this enormous sense of goodwill coming from you all and this site in general. For the first time in my life I can talk about how Im actually feeling and get answers and guidance from people who actually 'get it'. This is staying with me through my days and is very powerful (more than I could have imagined).

My overriding feeling about joining this site (regardless of ebook niggles) is the overwhelming compassion from so many loving people. You really are all wonderful. Most people on here will have shocking self-image (like me) the fact that strangers can care enough to take time out of their day to show concern for my recovery blows me away. Thank you all. Realise, if nothing else, how kind you are xx

susan2012
susan2012's picture
you say that you eat alot,

you say that you eat alot, but you fear gaining weight , but you don't restrict, but eating small meals makes you fear you will eat more, but you eat normally...

seems there are some contradictions...

may I ask you what is your frequency in purging?

seaside.jen
seaside.jen's picture
ive been trying to eat my 3

ive been trying to eat my 3 normal meals plus 3 smaller meals in between. (i dont know if this is right) How often i purge differs it can be a few times a day, every day, or once every few days and then just not at all for a while, there doesnt seem to be any rhyme or reason to it, it just stops and starts. my relationship with food is so fd up, i have no idea about what is the right way to eat. im just a mess about it

seaside.jen
seaside.jen's picture
god i feel so stupid, i cant

god i feel so stupid, i cant even explain myself, such an idiot, sorry

rebeccabot
rebeccabot's picture
No your not, silly! We are

No your not, silly!

We are just trying to help you cut through your thinking.

We builimics always need to understand and rationalise everything, and there have been times when I didn't think I was this way or that way, but point is I was throwing up my food which is not normal.

You are probably feeling scard and overwhelmed about the work that needs to be done, but in my experience as you begin to see things improving it will be worth it.

All you need to focus on is eating every 3 hours. That's it. It's just one tiny step. After a while you might look back and found you walked a mile.....

lindsay6
lindsay6's picture
I have been busy with work so

I have been busy with work so I have not been up to date with reading on the forum. Such good answers here. One thing I think I see in you which I have experienced is the disconnect. I was disconnected to in some ways. Not exactly like you but still disconnected. Some of that now I put down to denial. I have never gone to the grocery store to buy junk food for a BP. That did not slow me down though. I could BP on anything. I would do a crazy BP when the trigger foods became available for whatever reason. Halloween, a social event, stuff like that. Many people here wrote about planning their BP, getting food together etc. I never did that. Many people talk about exercising like crazy to lose weight, never did that either.

You say you had never heard about dieting but you felt huge. THAT is the trigger you felt huge and you thought you were huge because you ate too much so here is the solution I can BP. It sounds like a lot of this was unconscious for you. By that I mean you didn't know why you did what you did. I think though you saying you were huge is the clue as to why it started. That is why it starts for everyone. We think we are fat, we diet, then it goes to BP. You just missed the middle step is all..

In SE you talk about worrying about the quantities you are eating. Well, that is like everyone here. You feel so different than everyone else but I am not sure that you are. All of us have different issues and a different story. Even though we are all the same we are all also very different from each other. Many of the struggles people describe I dont have but I can definitely relate to them. The things I think we all have in common is we all want to weigh less, we all worry we are eating too much, we are all worried we will gain weight with SE, we all have issues with the way our body is. These are the things we all have in common including you. Maybe you didn't start with a diet because you didn't know what a diet was. Instead of restricting calories by a diet first you went straight to the most restricting thing you could do and purged. When you purge you start a cycle and you are in it just like we are. Your brain has been wired to do this because it is a habit. Ditto for us. So all the things you need to do to get out of this is the same as what we need to do.

Good for you for being so brave and open and baring your soul. It is nice when people finally understand it and fully get what this is about. I felt like I had found my people when I came here.

When you are going through hell, keep going.

FitChica2013
FitChica2013's picture
The act of purging itself

The act of purging itself does all sorts of things to your body -- you'll be dehydrated, prone to getting cravings, and your body releases all sorts of chemicals and hormones into the system to manage the stress. Purging frequently messes with your digestion. You end up being malnourished not because of the calories you are taking in or not taking in, but because your body stops absorbing nutrients like it's supposed to. When you get on track with a meal plan or structured eating plan -- and stick with it for even a few days -- your entire system will start functioning normally again. Remember our bodies were designed to digest and assimilate nutrients. Purging stops this process dead in its tracks and makes it that much more difficult for the body to do its job!

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