counting days: good or bad?

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horsebacklover2
horsebacklover2's picture
counting days: good or bad?

Hi all. I'm wondering.. I also do the count days thing but I heard that its not so good to count days? anyone know anything about this? a ED counselor once told me this and I want to check if any one heard this too..
for me at least counting days if i relapse it makes me feel horrible about the days i have.. i guess it can work good or bad? hmm.

dee, horsebackgirl

Letgoandletgod
Letgoandletgod's picture
Counting days is good, i think

um well, I guess it depends on the person. I like to count my days, remember how I felt and thought each day in recovery, and I definitely try to remember the whole physical and mental experience of my last day b/ping since almost a week ago.
It reminds me of how painful the last b/p was, how blood dripped from the raw throat, my eyes bulging and red, filled with fiery tears of heaving force and emotional pain, head pounding, stomach aching, teeth fading, and the fear that someone will hear me which would force me to stop so no one would know leaving me painful and mischievous in ways to purge elsewhere or remove people around me (can we say isolator?) so I can finish purging. Feeling lost from life and lost from a lost cause. I hope the gig is up for good.
Counting also reminds me of my first day of no b/p and how its gotten much easier to not do so and ask for help when wanting to. The desire is still strong, though everyday gives me a better chance to do what I really want to do in my life. Doing what I love and need to do, making me a human whole like everyone else on this planet.
I'm in AA, sober 9 months now, and damn skippy do I count. First month sober i counted everyday. then i began having a month to month count because it got easier. I get a chip every month and it puts me in my place, neither too big an ego or too small, insignificant of a person. So counting gives me perspective and puts me in my right size, literally and figuratively! No pun intended! okay I'm a dork....
though everything only got easier if i put the work in. Yesterday night i binged like a mad woman, a ravenous beast, and i cried and cried and was angry because one part of me wanted to purge sooo bad, but the other side of me had to stand up and say "no, not anymore, this is NO LONGER acceptable." and so i was grumpy, yelled at my understanding bf, then went for an hour walk and felt much better.
as they say, "this too shall pass"

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