Hi everyone. I have been having off and on good days/weeks. I love when I don't binge and purge. My face feels better. I don't feel bloated. I feel pretty. I feel strong. After several days or more than a week, however, I start to worry. I see the scale, but refuse to step on it. Instead of seeing the positive changes in my appearance and the glow in my face, I start to obsess about my body, and then it's all down from there.
I recently went almost 10 days with no incident. And now I have purged a few times in the last four days. I have made a great effort to just exercise 30 minutes a day--nothing extreme--and eat three meals. But when too much times passes between episodes, I start to worry.
And now I am back in the painful cycle of purging. I just want to stop.
I don't know how I can break this cycle. Just when things start to get better, I cave.
I have reached out to support groups for help in preventing my dangerous thoughts of self harm. I know that is not the answer, but I am so sad sometimes, and truly disappointed that I am 29 years old and still battling a severe eating disorder.
Am I too late to save? What is the point of all this?